Search & Reunion E-Magazine, February 2012

Blogging: Have you registered in our Reunion Registry? Have you been searching or recently reunited with your birth family? Are you interested in Blogging? This is the perfect opportunity for you to share your Search and Reunion story! We're currently looking for Search and Reunion volunteer bloggers.

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Genetic Sexual Attraction

The modern adoption community is home to many issues, concerns, and controversies for all members of the adoption triad. While many of these issues are discussed openly and often, it isn't the case for all of them. There are many reasons for this, but one major reason is topics can be taboo in modern culture and society. With that in mind, the issue of genetic sexual attraction is one that deserves some attention, as it's a real problem that affects real people in the adoption community.

The term "genetic sexual attraction" was first used by Barbara Gonyo in the 1980s to describe something that sometimes happened when those related, but were raised apart, find each other sexually attractive as adults. Because of the nature of adoption, biological parents, cousins, and siblings may not see their relatives until adulthood, if a relationship has been reestablished post-placement. According to the Encyclopedia of World Problems and Human Potential, genetic sexual attraction is most common between siblings who closely resemble each other. Some affected by GSA will feel an inability to stay away from that person. They may feel like they've known each other for their entire lives, but are instantaneously attracted.

Because of the social, moral, and legal taboos on incestuous relationships in the United States and many other countries throughout the world, those affected by GSA can become quite distressed as they sort through their feelings and attraction and their core beliefs and values. Many people who experience GSA know that being sexually attracted to a family member isn't acceptable, but they know that their feelings are strong. As a result of these strong feelings, many people decide to break off contact completely. It is their way of protecting themselves and stopping themselves from going too far.

There are two main fears when it comes to experiencing genetic sexual attraction. The first is a fear of discovery. You may feel ashamed or embarrassed for the feelings you're having. The second fear is of being separated. Even if the relationship never enters the physical intimacy realm, being separated from each other can be painful, emotionally overwhelming, and overly stressful. These two fears are enough to ruin relationships and ruin lives. While GSA can feel all-encompassing, there are ways to get through these difficult times.

The first way to deal with GSA is to confront the issue and realize that what you're feeling isn't abnormal; it happens to a lot of people affected by adoption. You may not be able to overcome GSA on your own. If not, consider joining a support group for GSA. Or, regularly visit with a therapist or counselor that can help you understand how you feel and how to move past it. Remember that having GSA doesn't mean you can't have a relationship with your family. It just means that you need to deal with the attraction and understand it. The feelings may be intense, but you can go on to have a healthy, normal relationship.

Call Me Snickelfritz

I talked to my son today on the phone. We haven’t talked in a couple of weeks because we’ve both just been very busy. Afterwards he sent me an email with some dates he and his wife would be available for a visit. They didn’t make it down for Christmas and all their presents are in a pile in my living room, no tree left to explain their presence. [more]

Key to Success Respect

I received an email from a reader recently, a birthmother who was frustrated with trying to build a relationship with her now grown child. She mentioned feeling that the adoptive mother was being overprotective and that this was somehow slowing down the process. [more]

Community Discussions

Recent News

Texas Adoption Records - Vital Statistics Births... I got em..

Search for Birthfamily or Adoptee - If You Are Looking For Siblings Please Post Here!!!!

Search for Birthfamily or Adoptee - for adopted siblings searching for birth siblings

After 31 Years Mother Discovers Adopted Daughter | wltx.com

Reunited with my long-lost sister, thanks to the Internet. - Slate Magazine

Search & Reunion  

As an adoptive parent, never force your child to begin the reunion search if s/he isn't ready. Be open to understanding your child's needs when it comes to how they fit into the adoption community.

"I wanted to tell you thank you. Your site brought my birth family and I back together. It was a positive experience and a wonderful reunion. That was in 2001. Now ten years later, I am grateful to have my birth family to help me during the loss of my adoptive parents. You hear so many bad reunions; this one was a completion of God's plan for us all...Thank you doesn't seem enough, but thank you!" - Sheryl

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