Search & Reunion E-Magazine, May 2012

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Celebrating All Mothers

May is the month to celebrate mothers--all mothers. While mothers should be appreciated, respected, and celebrated throughout the entire year, this month is meant to bring those feelings of appreciation and respect into focus. However, being a part of the modern adoption community can sometimes complicate this month of celebration. No matter your personal experiences with adoption, all mothers truly deserve to be honored and appreciated for their hard work, love, and sacrifice.

Whether you are an adoptee, birthmother, or adoptive mother, this month can get a little tricky. Any adoption comes with ample emotion--both positive and negative. But when Mother's Day comes around, those emotions can become heightened and intensified. The first thing to remember during this month is that adoption wouldn't work without the love and sacrifice of mothers everywhere. Even if you have negative feelings and a lot of pain associated with Mother's Day, it still should be a happy day. Even if it doesn't hold those positive emotions, you can still use that day to celebrate and find joy.

If you're a birthmother, Mother's Day can be very painful. It's a reminder of what's missing in your life-your child. And it doesn't matter if you were pressured or forced to place or whether you did so willingly; it can still hold a lot of pain and deep-rooted hurt. However, instead of dwelling of the negative, put forth ample effort to let that pain go. That doesn't mean you can't be sad or hurt at what happened to you or that your child is no longer with you. It means that you have allow yourself to be happy, even in your current circumstances. Consider Mother's Day a chance to start fresh, but first you need to let go of the hurt and the blame. Then you can move forward, find peace, and be happy. And with a happier perspective, it may be easier to reunite somewhere down the road, if that's what you want.

If you're an adoptive mother, it can be difficult to celebrate Mother's Day. For starters, you undoubtedly think of your child's biological mother. Perhaps you wonder how this day is affecting her, how much pain she's in. Or maybe you're aware that your child wants to search and reunite with the biological family, and that can be a painful thought, too. However, it's important to share Mother's Day with all the mothers currently involved or who has been involved in your child's life. Again, without all mothers, adoption would not be possible. If you have an open-adoption relationship with the biological family, it would be a nice gesture to send a card or even get together with them to celebrate Mother's Day.

As an adoptee, Mother's Day can be a confusing time. You have your parents, but you may wonder about your biological family. Or maybe you've already reconnected with your biological family, but now you feel torn between the two families. It's important to remember that you need to do what feels right for you. If you want to celebrate Mother's Day with all of your mothers, you should be able to do that. Also, if you're holding pain or hurt inside of you because you were placed with an adoptive family, it's time to let that pain go. Try to understand the situation from your biological family's perspective. Think about why you were placed, what circumstances led to the placement. Understanding the background information may help you more fully understand your situation, and that can allow you to emotionally heal and move forward.

Mother's Day can be both a confusing and painful time and a time of joy, happiness, and gratitude. If you need help letting go of the pain and confusion, consider joining and actively participating in an adoption support group. Or, if you prefer help on a one-on-one basis, visit with a professional therapist or counselor. Be honest about how you feel; that is the only way you can move forward. Otherwise, you'll feel trapped by pain or sadness. You deserve to be happy. And Mother's Day is a great time to start.

How to Reconnect at Reunion

In some reunions, there is an instant and immediate connection. The other party may seem somewhat familiar. There may seem to be many common interests between the two parties, and often many similarities in personalities. [more]

What Are Open Records Really All About

Reunion lover that I am, when I write about open records I often yammer on about how many opportunities reunions provide for healing. [more]

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