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No matter where you are in your search and reunion journey, the holidays can be a painful, confusing, and exhausting time of the year. This could also mean that you will be alone for the upcoming holidays. And solitude this time of year can be extremely difficult. It can be easy to let yourself feel depressed, upset, angry, and even pity for your situation. But it doesn't have to be that way. Here are a few ideas to help you deal with your loneliness and solitude during the next few months and into the new year.
Continue Your Search - If you haven't made contact as you had hoped, but you are still eager to find that person, devote yourself to your search this holiday season. Sometimes if you keep yourself busy, you can keep your mind off of the negativity and focus on hope for your future and your search. However, keep in mind that keeping yourself really busy may not be your best option for this holiday season. You will need to analyze yourself, your search, and your goals before you move forward.
Pause Your Search - If you've been searching, but you haven't made much progress, it might be refreshing to pause your search until after the chaos of the holidays. If you feel overwhelmed by the search or with your lack of immediate success, consider taking a break from your search until you feel more up to it. There's no shame in that. You have to do what's best for your mental, physical, and emotional health, and rest from a persistent adoption search might be exactly what you need to recuperate.
Join a Support Group - If you don't have anyone around you that you can spend the holidays with, join a support group. No one should have to spend this time of the year alone if they don't want to. Find solace and companionship with others who are in a similar situation to yours. Support each other and you may build many lifelong relationships.
Find Ways to Help Others - One of the best ways to lift your own spirit, is to help lift the spirit of another person. While you may feel alone in your plight and in your pain, there are many others surrounding you in pain, too. Their pain may be different than yours, but it's still pain. Do what you can to help them smile, laugh, and just feel better. You may find that you'll receive just as much joy and relief from your efforts as they do.
Surround Yourself by Loved Ones - If you do have people around you who love you and you love in return, let yourself be surrounded by them. Being with family can be difficult for some members of the adoption community. If this is the case, spend time with your friends, neighbors, or community members. You are loved.
The holidays should be a time of love, joy, and hope, no matter which holidays you celebrate. Gather the things that truly make you happy and enjoy the season. If you need a break from social interaction while you deal with grief, that's acceptable, too. You know yourself best. Do what is best for yourself, but never believe that you're alone, especially during the holidays. One day you will make some kind of progress on your search. Until then, retain your hope.
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It can be a time of sadness this month for some. Do what you can to uplift those around you.
"After 25 years, my adoptee daughter and I, her birth mother, have just been reunited today. No words can express the joy that finding Emily has given me, or how whole I feel again. Thank you so much, Adoption.com. Today is her birthday and what better present than to be reunited with the one who gave you a birthday. Again, my sincerest thanks. And to anyone still searching, never stop looking. Your loved ones are there waiting to be found and searching for you." - Cathleen
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