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Adoption can be a difficult process to go through, no matter which side of the triad you find yourself. But as adoptive parents, the stress of the adoption itself and the preparation leading up to finalization can wreak havoc on your marriage relationship. The adoption process is one of ups and downs, peaks and valleys. This emotional rollercoaster will bleed into your marriage if you're not careful. But if it already has, don't worry. You can still fix it and work to strengthen your marriage. Initially, it may seem overwhelming, but it doesn't have to be. Here are some ideas and tips to make your marriage even stronger than it was before you began the adoption process.
Take it day by day
The most important thing to remember during this journey is that a stronger marriage won't happen over night. It's a process. Instead of looking at the end goal, take it day by day. If you can focus on each day individually, it will help keep you focused.
Focus on the little things
Spend each day finding little ways to make your spouse feel loved and appreciated. Allow your spouse to spend some time with friends, help out around the house, and let your spouse go to bed early one night while you take care of the children and the household. These little signs of love can go a long way in increasing feelings of loyalty in a marriage.
Get a babysitter
After adoption finalization, it's important to spend ample time with your newly-adopted child. This is a good thing. But, there will come a time when you and your spouse need to spend some quality alone-time together. Get a babysitter or drop your child off at your mother's house for a few hours. Then, focus on each other. Go to dinner, the movies, or just a walk through the park. It doesn't matter what you do, just do it together.
Seek out help
If you feel that you need a mediator in order to strengthen your relationship, there's no shame in that. It takes strength to admit that you may need help. There are many great marriage counselors out there, so don't feel you have to stick with the first one you come across. It's important that you find one that works well with you and can understand you and your spouse's current situation.
Any good, strong marriage is a continual work in progress. Don't get discouraged if you have hard times. It happens in every marriage, and it has the power to make your marriage even stronger once you work your way through it. Adding pressure and stress from an adoption and the normal responsibilities of parenthood can strain any relationship. But working together, as a whole family, to maintain strong familial bonds is always a worthwhile goal.
My son is four, almost five now. When he was younger we would talk to him about adoption. He did not ask much about his birthparents. We would show him a picture... more
It wasnít until I began working on my memoir that I realized that I had completely disassociated from myself as a person when it came to the adoption I went through when...more
Your children will fight. It's inevitable. While they don't have to like each other right then, it is important that you teach them to respect and be patient with their siblings.
"I was adopted when I was 2 years old.I am the third child in a family of 3 adopted children. I grew up in a happy home. My father and mother took good care of us. When I was in grade school I learned that I had been adopted and also that my brothers were also adopted. I have always been proud to have been adopted. My parents always told me that we were chosen! I only recently, after my parents' deaths, have decided that it would be important to find out my medical history from my birth parents. I really do not wish to connect with them on a personal basis. I just would like to know my health concerns, if any. I have always believed that it is the people who raised you and kissed you good night, helped you with your homework, attended your school functions, the father who taught you to drive and attended your graduation are your parents. Not every adoption turns out bad. Some of us are grateful and know no other people as our parents. I just need to know my health issues, something that my parents couldn't provide." - Janice
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