Adoption Week e-Magazine Article

Thank You for Not Forgetting Us

J.R.

I found her. I found her. I finally found her!! Eleven years since I first walked into the social services office to fill out a form requesting help reuniting with the woman who gave me life, 27 years after the search began in my heart, and I have found her!!

The experience, for us, has been magical. She gave birth to me in 1976, when the belief was that it was best for mom and baby not to meet. They covered her face with a sheet while I was being born, and for 27 years I have longed for her touch, for her eyes to behold me.

A closed adoption, my search was meeting dead end after dead end. I finally made the decision to pay social services to locate her ad ask if she wanted to meet me. They told me to expect to wait 1 to 2 years. That was several months ago. Everything has happened so much faster than I expected. We exchanged letters for a month or so, meeting for the first time last weekend. We met on a Saturday at 1pm, same time and day I was born, 27 years and four months ago.

It did not take us long to realize just how alike we are, just how close our lives have been.

A domestic adoption, we had both stayed in the city of my birth. More than that, when I became an adult (or several years ago), I moved to a part of town no one expected me to move to. When asked for a reason I gave nothing concrete, simply stating 'because'. It was the same for the apartment I chose. Looking with my amom at a couple dozen places I kept saying 'no' without really looking. As my amom got increasingly frustrated with me she asked for explanations. I had none to offer, the best I could do was insist that I would feel it, I would know it, when we found the right place. It was late in the day and one of the last apartments we had planned to look at when I took one step into the front door and stopped, rooted to the spot. In a grave whisper I stated 'This is it'. I never tried to define what it was in my chest that told me. At the time even I did not understand the extent of what was happening. I have only loved my bmom through the years. I have felt her and known she was there. There has always been a strong connnection. This was only confirmed when I found out, last weekend, that my bmom lived ON THE SAME STREET only HALF A BLOCK from that apartment I had chosen and lived in for two years before moving within the municipality.

We have found, through our conversations that we have had many close encounters without realizing it.

Looking into her face is mind blowing. I am practically her clone. She has married and had 2 subsequent children (half siblings!), still, we look more alike than either of them. Seems we have followed a very similar path in our lives, our reunion and discovery of this has been overwhelming and all encompassing. We have gotten together a few times over this first week and this afternoon I will go help her cook the thanksgiving dinner she invited me to share with her and her family. I have never celebrated thanksgiving, having been raised Jewish, but never before have I had so much to be thankful for.

Our reunion has been wonderful. During my 11 years of searching I read about all kinds of experiences and worried about what would be my lot. I could not have imagined the beauty of what I have found, my heart and mind are still full, and it is still hard for me to define everything I think and feel, but all of it is coloured by lifelong love.

As I lay my head on her chest and close my eyes while I listen to her heartbeat I am overcome by this woman who so perfectly fits, who has been so open and welcoming and loving.

After years of missing her, after years of being in each others hearts we are now in each others lives and it has never been so sunny.

I knew in my heart, I always knew in my heart. If you open yourself to the world, it will open itself up back to you. There are things in this world that cannot be explained. Do not let this lack of explanation turn you into a non-believer. Have faith. Believing is a large part of knowing even before you have concrete explanations. If we open ourselves to it, this life will bring us what we need, even when we are uncertain what that is... let your heart lead you.

Thank you to all the beautiful women who, out of love and grief and confusion, seek a better life for their offspring. Thank you for not forgetting us, the children you gave up. It makes a difference.

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