Adoption Week e-Magazine Article

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This section is not intended to be search advice. It is an advice column for people with questions concerning their feelings, interested in the opinion of someone who can relate. The views expressed by this author is solely his own, and for which the author is responsible. The content within this column is not to be considered as professional medical, legal or behavioral health information to be used in diagnosis, treatment or actions that would require the consultation and/or services of a licensed, certified or accredited professional. These views do not necessarily represent the views of Adoption Week e-Magazine.

Question:

My husband was adopted at 8 months old, 37 years ago when given up at birth meant staying in a foster home for 6 months until ok'd to be adopted. His adopted dad has passed away and his adopted mother is 70 this year. We have tried over the years to ask questions/get answers from her on separate occasions because she never tells the same story the same. She tells us his mother didn't want him, but his father's family did. We have the name he would have been if not put up for adoption, but are unsure what to do next. His adopted mom isn't very emotionally supportive of anything we do and rarely takes a positive role as grandmother or mother in our lives. My mother has passed on and I guess we are in search of 'family'.

My husband supported me last year as I found my biological father, who denied me then died. It was a long process that took many years of pain and tears. I am ok now and thankful my Mother never married him, or chose to let such a nasty man into my life. But my husband is now questioning if he should try to track down his biological parents. We are in the process of filling out our homestudy to adopt, have two small daughters of our own, and recently moved.

My question is should I begin the search for him quietly or let it go? He never accomplishes anything unless given a push and occasionally talks of finding his birth parents only when we have talked of my family. He was always 'all right' with being adopted, he says, but since I came into his life as a wife 10 years ago he is starting to find a more curious side.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you!

Samantha

Bio:

Jan is a reunited mother of a 35-year-old son who was relinquished at birth. She also has a daughter and a son whom she raised and is a proud grandmother of three. Jan has no counseling credentials or training, but offers her opinions based on her role as an active member of the adoption community.

Linda is an adoptee who found out by accident at age 7 that she was adopted. She told most of her adoption story in the new articles section for 15+ weeks. Earlier this year, she found her birth mother, who promised to call her, but several months later, she still awaits her birth mother's call.

Their opinions are not necessarily those of Adoption.com and are provided voluntarily on a weekly basis.

To submit your questions to DB, e-mail adoptionquestions2003@yahoo.com.

To submit your questions to Jan, e-mail janb91024@yahoo.com.

To submit your questions to Linda, e-mail Stardustkeepr@aol.com.

In order for your questions/comments to be answered in the next week's issue, questions need to be submitted before 12 noon each Wednesday.

In addition, please remember to keep your questions appropriate for Adoption Week e- Magazine; otherwise, they will not be answered or included in the next week's edition.