Adoption Week e-Magazine Article
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It Takes More to Make You a Parent...
SH
I am not quite sure about adoptees always thinking about their b-mom/parents. My b- daughter is almost 37 years old and was located September 29, 2003. I got a couple of letters sent through an intermediary between January 1, 2004 and April 1, 2004. I have had direct contact with her since April 1, 2004 by letters and e-mail. (We live in different states and quite a distance apart.)
She has said as a young teenager, she and her 2 best friends (whom were also adoptees - strange they became best friends as children, long before they new each of the 3 of them were adopted, huh?) used to play a game of "what their b- mom/parents were like & the circumstances of them being relinquished." She said none of them ever really thought of searching for their b-families. She said she never felt "that something was missing in her life, she didn't belong, she didn't fit in with her a-family or that 'need' as some adoptees put it."
One of her friends said she didn't want to know anything more than she already did. (Her a-parents told her her b-mom was 15 when she was born.) The other friend never did any searching, but after her a-mom died, her a-dad talked to her about it and said he knew who her b-parents were. Her b-mom was a relative and wanted things left as they were. She and her b-dad now have a great relationship; they do family reunions, vacations, etc.
My b-daughter was upset and shocked (she said even mad) that she had been contacted about me, at first. It took her 3 months to respond even to the intermediary. She said she had decided "it would be a one time communication", just to let me know "that since I wasn't given an option (by my mom-this was in the 60's) to keep my baby or give it up" that she felt I had the right to know "the kid I had was ok" (her exact words.) But as I said, since April 1, 2004 we have been communicating regularly by letter and e-mail, and we have exchanged lots of pictures of ourselves and our families. I did ask her about 3 months ago if I could call her, but she said no, that she felt more comfortable on paper/e-mail. She said "I didn't know what I would say on the phone anyway." So I have not pushed the issue and am trying to be patient and in hope that someday she will also want more than letters and e-mail.
She knows I ended up marrying her b-dad (because I got pregnant again) and that she has a sister 14 months younger and a brother 5 years younger than herself. She has 3 adopted brothers, one older and 2 younger. None of them have ever even discussed the thought of doing any searching, even though she said she feels like her oldest brother should. She said he has always had a hard time with being adopted. Anyway, I think some adoptees are happy with their parents and family and don't think about "where they came from." I give that to being raised by a loving family in a happy home. FOR WHICH I AM MOST THANKFUL! I have always felt "it takes more to make you a parent than having your name on a birth certificate."
