Adoption Week e-Magazine Article
e-mail
Children Are Our Greatest Gifts
Mother of Christopher John
After reading many comments from both birth moms, children adopted, and adoption parents, I felt compelled to tell my story, and I can only hope that it will bring comfort, and peace to all.
I was 15 and came from a broken home where beatings were regular. Love, I thought, didn't exist until I met a boy who told me he loved me. We dated from the time I was 14, and just after I started my monthly. We had sex (I was never educated to what sex was), and I became pregnant. I was scared of my family, but I faced the fact that I had to go through my pregnancy.
I gave birth at the age of 15 to a beautiful boy in a home for unwed mothers in Lackawanna, NY. There were no options for me to care for my son, so deep in tears, I signed the papers. Home and school were a terrible experience for me after I came back, as I was constantly whispered about. Many days I cried quietly in my chair. It took almost 2 years for me to regain respect from my classmates, but I was determined to overcome, since I was a good girl that wanted to be loved and not a bad girl sleeping around. Needless to say, my grades excelled, and I also learned that no one will do it for you (anything in life); you must do it yourself.
As I started out in my adult life, my sister had a beautiful daughter, but she wasn't ready to be a mom. My niece lived with my great aunt who I also lived with (after I ran away from home for fear of another beating). I loved my niece and spent many nights rocking her when she had colic and took her everywhere with me.
At the age of 21, I married a man that I had told about my son (and he still loved me), and we set out on our life together. My niece was still very much a part of our family, and my sister still was doing her own thing. I had my second son at the age of 23 and felt so blessed. He never took the place of my first son, but I was so thankful I had been given the chance to be a mom.
At the age of 25 my great uncle passed away, and my niece and great aunt moved in with us. It was at this time, I went to court and got permanent custody of my niece. Due to not wanting trouble in the family, I didn't adopt my niece at the time, but waited until she could decide for herself and understand any pressures the family would dole out. When she was 19, I adopted her.
I am now 57 years old. My first son should be 42. My daughter is 41, and my youngest son 34 (serving in Iraq).
My final message to all is this:
1. No child has asked for the hand that is dealt them, but all children can grow and prosper if given the best guidance and teachings to help them survive in the world (the only cost is your time, love, and care). 2. Birth mothers, for the most part, want the best for their children, but will always live with an empty feeling due to the fact that they never know if their child is alive or dead, sick or well, happy or sad, etc. This is a terrible feeling, a prison sentence with no end, and the constant prayer that maybe one day I will know if their okay. It isn't wanting to take the child from the adoptive parents; it's the comfort of knowing their okay, so adoptive parents, don't be afraid. If your child loves you, that is a bond that can't be broken!!! 3. As an adoptive parent, you always worry if the birth mother will interfere. Will my child stop loving me and want them instead if the child knows their birth mother or dad? I can tell you this - my adoption of my niece brought the birth mother very close to my life all her life, although we didn't have real close contact with her. I have 2 grand daughters 19 and 16, and still have a lovely daughter. Although I had a time where I too feared loss of my adoptive child, I never had to worry, since we loved each other and had the bond required to sustain our relationship no matter what. Adoptive parents, its okay to tell your kids, and its okay for them to know about their birth parents. You see, you are MOM and DAD, and the birth parents will always be someone they know and feel a sort of attachment to (due to birth), but birth parents can NEVER take your child away as long as their is LOVE and care in your hearts.
I pray all children that are adopted have the opportunity to know who their birth parents are, and that all parents of adoptive children can find comfort and trust their love for their children to allow them to find their birth parents. The expression "LOVE CONQUERS ALL" is still alive and kicking.
Footnote: I have never met my first son, and continue to pray daily for his safety and health.
