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Jan & Linda's Responses XVIII
This section is not intended to be search advice. It is an advice
column for people with questions concerning their feelings, interested in the
opinion of someone who can relate. The views expressed by this author is solely his
own, and for which the author is responsible. The content within this column is
not
to be considered as professional medical, legal or behavioral health information to
be used in diagnosis, treatment or actions that would require the consultation
and/or services of a licensed, certified or accredited professional. These views do
not necessarily represent the views of Adoption Week e-Magazine.
Question 1:
Hi Jan & Linda,
My name is Lynnae, and I have just found my birth parents. They got married 6
months after I was born and have been married for 35 years. My birth father had 5
children from a previous marriage and both birth mother and father have 2 children
together. There are now 24 grandchildren in the family.
Anyway, my husband's uncle had found them and has been to their house. He has
spoken to my birth mother on the phone, and she said her and my birth father had
agreed to meet me. At the time she said they were both sick and needed a week to
recover and she would call back to schedule a meeting with me.
It has now been 3 weeks and my husbands' uncle still calls and leaves messages. He
has even gone to there house and no one was home.
I don't quite know what to make of this. With trying to keep a level head and not
jumping to conclusions, I want to know what sort of rights does an adoptee have.
Would it be ok for me to get the information from my husbands' uncle and pursue
this myself? Is there a freedom of information act that I can pursue this and go
directly to the house myself?
Reason I ask this is because my husband's uncle is a police man and had used
resources to find her. I did get my original birth certificate and he did the
rest.
Can you please give me some advise as to what to do next? Knowing I have siblings,
I really want to meet them. I did not have a very good childhood, and I guess I am
clinging onto something that might make me feel complete.
Thank you for your time.
Lynnae
Jan's Response: Dear Lynnae, | Linda's Response: Dear Lynnae, As far as I know, we adoptees have no rights to any any information. You are an
adult, and if you see fit to make contact, go for it. But be very clear; your birth
parents may not be as eager to do the same with you. For whatever reason, they gave
you up, and for that, there is nothing protecting our right to know. THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE. We are not attorneys. We are an adoptee and a birth mom,
sharing our stories, and helping others. I wish you well in your search. Be blessed, Linda |
Question 2:
I am 22 years old, and I have been searching for my birth mother for a very long
time. The agency was no help, so I decided to hire a reunion agent. I paid them
money to find her. They don't exactly guarentee that she is my mother but assure me
that this is the best possible match. I have looked and posted on every registry
possible, and I assume she is not searching for me. What approach do I use to
contact her? A letter, a phone call? I have a feeling even if it is her, she will
deny it. I want to know if it is her even if she refuses a reunion. What do I do to
ensure her to tell me the truth even if she wants nothing to do with me?
Maria
Jan's Response: Dear Maria, | Linda's Response: Dear Maria: Please be sure this is the right person, for you and for her. It is always nice to
contact face-to-face, but a phone call is a good place to start. Be patient; she
may say no at first, and then change her mind. She may have buried this as well, so
give her time. This is a journey and will most likely take a period of time before
anything is for sure. Be true to yourself in what you need and want to know. Have a plan if it doesn't
work out the way you dream, because it is likely it won't? Don't give up after one
try, and if there are siblings seek them out as well. Sometime other relatives are
more open. Be blessed in your life and in your search., Linda |
Bio:
Jan is a reunited mother of a 35-year-old son who was relinquished at birth. She
also has a daughter and a son whom she raised and is a proud grandmother of three.
Jan has no counseling credentials or training, but offers her opinions based on her
role as an active member of the adoption community.
Linda is an adoptee who found out by accident at age 7 that she was adopted. She
told most of her adoption story in the new articles section for 15+ weeks. Earlier
this year, she found her birth mother, who promised to call her, but several months
later, she still awaits her birth mother's call.
Their opinions are not necessarily those of Adoption.com and are provided
voluntarily on a weekly basis.
To submit your questions to DB, e-mail adoptionquestions2003@yahoo.com.
To submit your questions to Jan, e-mail janb91024@yahoo.com.
To submit your questions to Linda, e-mail Stardustkeepr@aol.com.
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