Adoption Week e-Magazine Article
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An Assorted Fairytale XX
Linda Muzzin
I was completely amazed at her generous way, a little skeptical of it too, but nonetheless I was grateful. I have been the big sister in my family, and often wondered what it would be like to someone to look up to.
I had two cousins live with us when I was younger - Valerie, and David. They were siblings, my father’s big brother’s children. They were young adults just making their way. David felt like a brother. He was smart and funny and just cool enough to let me get away with stuff. Valerie was more like a big sister mom. She was wise beyond her age and had a mothering nurture to her. I loved the days when she was there.
I began envisioning those meaningful times as Debbie was speaking to me, and I imagined her being much the same. The big sister the caretaker, the one they could all count on.
She was gentle in her way with me, and although I am 40, I felt as if I were 16 and she was 20 close enough to have shared the same experience, but older and wiser to give me good advice.
She told me hurtful things that had happened to her, things about our mother that I would be ashamed to print here. It was hard to hear, but it was good to hear, because it cut the illusion from my mind. I still need help with that. I have always dreamt that our mother was waiting for the right time to bring us all together, that this Latin mother couldn’t possibly love us less. But it turns out I was wrong then, and I am still wrong today. She loves me less now than ever.
I wondered how hard it would be for Deb to make a true meaningful connection with me knowing I had some ill feelings stuffed deep inside. I wondered if she could tell how bad I hurt for her, knowing all the times she was abandoned by our mother for some guy, or some cold drink.
It was the hardest hearing her cry and not being able to be there to comfort her. I didn’t know what to say, and so I mostly listened. I felt guilty telling her how wonderful my life was. It had its ups and downs, but nothing like the stories she was sharing with me now.
I was worried if I hung up with her, I might never hear from her again, but I wanted her to have time to gather her thoughts. She had so much I wanted to know, and answers to thing that had haunted me, but I hadn’t counted on them haunting her too. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better sister to you in those first hours, Debbie.
I wanted to know more about our sister and our brothers, and then she said
something that stopped me in my tracks…
Until next week,
Be blessed
Linda
