Adoption Week e-Magazine Article
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Gabrielle, Beautiful in Every Way
Kristene Feldhaus
At the age of 17, I found out that I was expecting a baby. At the age of 18, I delivered a healthy baby girl - 6 lbs 15 ounces, 21 1/2 inches. Gabrielle is what we named her. Beautiful in every way.
On August 29th, 2002, I delivered Gabrielle into the world with my sister, friend, and adoptive parents looking on. But my story is a little unusual and not commonly heard of. I had met the aparents on July 2, 2002 and instantly fell in love with them. They were the parents that I had always wanted but never had. I knew the first day that I met these people that I wanted my daughter to be raised by them.
We had decided to do an open adoption. I wouldn't have it any other way. Just because I couldn't raise my daughter, didn't mean I didn't want to know her. Being a first-time parent, I did not know the bond that Gabrielle and I would share. Up until the first moment I had held my bdaughter, she was only a baby in my stomach. She wasn't MY daughter! That is, until I held this beautiful girl, until I heard her first cry, until I fed her for the first time.
I spent three days with my daughter, and on the fourth day, I handed her over to her adoptive parents. That was the hardest thing I had every done. I never thought I would forgive myself.
My family and their family have shared many different celebrations. Gabbie's birthdays, Mother's Day, Christmas, even New Years. The adoptive and my family even shared my marriage and the birth of my next daughter.
Isabelle was born September 16th, 2004. A little bit chunkier than Gabbie, but still just as adorable as my first daughter. Since Isabelle's birth, Gabbie and Isabelle have spent days playing together. Gabrielle being an older sister to Isabelle...something that any old adoptive family would never allow, but by God's grace,mI was given a beautiful family to not only love my birth daughter, but to love myself and my new family.
I am so close with the adoptive family. I have invited the adoptive mother to be at all my children's births. My husband is in the military, and no matter where we deliver, I have been promised that she will be next to my side. Just like my first and second labors. She has heard both of my daughter's first cries. She has held both of my newborns, the only difference is that one was a gift from myself and God to her and her husband.
But even though Isabelle was not going to be raised by her, I made her and her husband godparents so that if anything happens to my husband or I, Izzy and Gabbie will always have each other and will be raised together.
You see, open adoption is one of the best experiences any birth mother could go through. As long as both sides are completely open to being honest and loving, it should work. My birth daughter will always know what happened to me and will never have any questions unanswered. I plan on being there for her and the family as long as they want me there. God truly does make miracles happen. He gave a deserving husband and wife a beautiful healthy baby girl, to be a younger sister and a wonderful daughter, and he gave me peace and happiness. I couldn't ask for it to be any other way.
Open adoption is the best thing that could have happened to both of our families. I won't be sitting around the house wondering how my birth daughter is doing. Gabbie loves all animals, loves riding her bike, and most of all loves her family. How blessed I am to know all this. I am Kristene to her, but she will always be my little miracle daughter. She made me want to have a family and have more children. I had more children when I met the love of my life, my husband, my stability. He gave me a beautiful baby girl and a home full of love. I gave him a beautiful baby girl and a wife to always stand by his side.
My husband loves my birth daughter just as much as our daughter. Most men wouldn't think twice about this story or this child, but my husband is different. Gabbie is a part of me, so he loves her just as much as me. I am truly blessed. There isn't a day where I don't think about how God has turned my life around and made it possible to love life again.
So, adoptive parents, never think that open adoption wouldn't work for you. Remember - a birth parent is giving you a gift, and you can only say thank you by thinking about the bond they have with their child. You would never have this experience if it weren't for a birth parent. You could never kiss a scraped knee or push that child in a swing if it weren't for someone who was strong enough to go against the urge for an abortion. They gave this child life so that you could raise it and love it as if it was your own blood.
