Adoption Week e-Magazine Article
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An Assorted Fairytale XXII
Linda Muzzin
The crazy thing was I was going to three weddings in the next two months and four showers, and I had gotten the dates confused. I wasn’t going to the shower near Debbie’s house for an additional ten days. I was completely bummed. I had already taken all of the emotional steps to ready myself for the chance of a lifetime, and now this...a set back. I was deathly afraid that when I would tell her, she would change her mind or fear I was changing mine.
After being let down by our mother so many times, I was expecting the worst. I left her an e-mail reassuring her that I had not changed my mind. I wanted to meet her as soon as possible, for this was my chance at closure for all the years I laid awake at night wondering about the faces that looked like mine, all the years fantasizing that “they” were coming to get me to know me, to be a part of my life.
Our mother had been so awful to me, so I could not help but expect the worst. When I saw the reply to my e-mail, I was truly afraid to open it. Debbie was another blessing that I had yet to discover. She was truly like the big sister I had hoped for so many times as birthday wishes and in Christmas letters to Santa. She was as close to holding my hand in an e-mail as you can get. She said while she was disappointed, she understood, and that we would just have to wait the extra few days and that it hadn’t changed anything. She would still be there waiting with open arms to meet me.
I am crying harder now than I did then. Her willingness to love me that much without knowing me most likely saved my soul from the torture I was struggling to get through with the rejection of our mother. I couldn’t wait. I kept telling my best girlfriend, Mary Anne, that I was so nervous and afraid but excited and impatient. I told her that I couldn’t explain it, but it was remarkable that Debbie, being raised by our birth mom has come away with skill of compassion and love even though they were not always examples to her or the others, and definitely not to me.
Mary Anne assured me that Debbie must be different, and that this was the opportunity of a lifetime, and that I should embrace it with all that I am and take it in to heal the days gone by when I was left with sadness and heartache. Mary Anne was so right, and you know it was like she knew Debbie, my big sister, already.
The very next e-mail, Debbie was asking if I was ok, knowing it was disappointing to have to wait after all these years. She wrote: I have only known of you for a few days, but you have had to live knowing of us for more than twenty years...
And while she was right, I only had to wait a few extra days, and at this point no matter what it took, I was going to do whatever I had to do to meet with her. I told her I looked forward to it now more than ever, and she replied, “Me too, love your big sister.”
This was it...just a few more days and I would come face-to-face with one of the 11, one of my ten siblings, and was I ever looking forward to it!
