Adoption Week e-Magazine Article

Cheryl Jones

My husband and I were foster parents of our adopted son and daughter for eight years before we finally got to adopt them. After being ours already in our hearts, they became legally ours in July of 2000. During eight years of being their foster parents, I kept in contact with both their birth mom and dad. Sometimes it was hard to do as they would change addresses and phone numbers frequently. At times their closest relatives would not know where they were. I would search until I found them and say, "please call your children" and usually they would.

Our children were relinquished to a Christian Children Home when she was close to six and he was four. Their mother had been raised by the same agency for three to four years. I like to think that she had not been mothered therefore did not know to mother "our" children. Both parents have been involved in drugs and/or alcohol for all these years.

When our children were picked up by the agency worker, they were living in the yard of relatives in a car. They were only wearing underwear and a t-shirt. They lived in one other foster home for three weeks before coming to our home. There are reports that I have of physical abuse on our son which at the hospital were blamed on our daughter. He was in a mobile home fire, which to her credit, was rescued from by his birthmom. Both birth mom and son were treated for smoke inhalation. Our son began having seizures shortly thereafter and at age eight was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome. He is also ADHD. All of these conditions contribute to his not being as emotionally able to accept what he felt as parental rejection. Our daughter is not doing very well in the relationship department but is a fine decent young woman. I pray that they both will be emotionally well in their future.

On our first attempt to adopt, their dad decided he wanted them. He took them to his home out of state. He kept them 6 months and they begged to come back to us. They were allowed to come "home" but he did not speak to them for a year.

Their mom is resentful of us but treats us well if we ever see her but the dad is sweeter and always tells us how much he appreciates us raising their children. Once on Mother's Day we arranged for her to see her children and she proceeded to tell them that she had cut her wrist a few days before because they were not with her. They were made to feel responsible.

At the age of fifteen, our son was resentful and rebellious and wanted to go live with his bio-dad so we let him but told him we love him and our door would always be open for him to come home. Five months later he was back home and his attitude was one of acceptance. Our daughter, now twenty, lives in the same town as her bio-mom because she met her boyfriend there. She is not close to her mom as a mother but is trying to have some type of relationship with her. She calls her by her first name. She says we are and will always be her Mama and Daddy. She feels a closer connection to her bio-dad. Our son feels resentment toward them but loves them still. We encouraged both kids to love their birth parents. We also have always told them that, "because of your birth parents, we received the greatest gift that God could have given us, you. They know that we love them with all our hearts.

On the other hand there have been times we were silently angry at the birth parents for their lack of involvement in our kids' lives. We had to live with their pain. We had to search for their parents. We had to NOT say bad things about their parents because we thought it best for the kids sake. It was hard at times. A few times when "our" children were living through pain caused by their birth parents, we made remarks which we later regretted. We are human beings too and make mistakes. While they felt a hole that even we could not fill, we gave them baths, gave them food and shelter, tucked them in bed and taught them to say prayers. We kissed and fixed their "boo boo's", and most of all, gave them our hearts even as we understood that a peice of their hearts would always belong to their birth parents. If only those parents understood the hurts that their children have to learn to survive.

I feel anger when we are watching TV and we only hear the horror stories (and they are that) about how children are mistreated by foster parents. I know that there are some bad foster parents but there are many who foster or adopt because they feel it is God's will for their lives. On the other hand if the natural parents were what they should be WE would not have their children. I realize there are some parents who can not help their situation and must give up their children in the best interest of the child and I applaude those for thinking of their children first, but, as there are some bad foster parents, there are also many bad natural parents. We need more stories about the good parents, both natural and foster.

I would adopt our children again in a heartbeat. I have never wished it otherwise. They are both precious and loving young adults who are trying to find their place in this world. I would appreciate the prayers of all who read this for our children and for all the foster and adopted children through out the world.

We fostered eleven children in ten years and loved them all. Thank You all for listening and thanks your the prayers.