1. ANNOUNCEMENTS

SCRAPBOOK IDEA CONTEST
Adoption.com is seeking adoption/parenting phrases, quotes, poems, page titles, and themes to be used for the line of adoption scrapbook products being developed. Five winners will receive adoption scrapbook products. Send all ideas to editor@adoptionweek.com. The deadline is March 21.

THE ADOPTION ENCYCLOPEDIA IS NOW ONLINE
Adoption.com has just added the complete text of "The Adoption Encyclopedia" at http://Encyclopedia.Adoption.com with articles on more than 375 adoption-related topics.

INTERESTED IN SHARING YOUR ADOPTION STORY ON TV?
Adoption.com is currently working with Discovery Channel Adoption Stories II to create several episodes which will feature ethnically diverse families. If you are in the process of adopting a child which will make your family a multicultural or multiracial family and are comfortable sharing your story, please contact pr@adoptionmedia.com.

GREAT WAYS TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE
Would you like to get involved and help great children's causes? We have developed a new page: http://about.adoption.com/make-a-difference.php to showcase great ways that we can all give back. If there is something you would like to see added to this list, please e-mail editor@adoptionmedia.com.

NEW ADOPTION TAX CREDIT
As tax time approaches, Adoption.com would like to remind adopting and adoptive parents of the substantial benefits available under the new adoption tax credit. Read more at http://Tax-Credit.Adoption.com/.

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2. HIGHLIGHTED ARTICLES

The views expressed by the authors are solely their own, and for which the authors are responsible. These views do not necessarily represent the views of Adoption Week e-Magazine.

Adoption Travel Tip from Mardie - new article contributed by Mardie Caldwell
When traveling with children take along quiet lap toys and finger foods for your little one, along with gum and snacks for adults. Remember to put on children or adult sized Sea Bands™ to avoid motion sickness, especially in children that have never traveled by plane. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=426

Everything is A-OK - new article contributed by Suzanne M. Austin
I contacted my aunt, and told her my mother had "won a prize" and I had to get in touch with her. I failed twice. I wrote a letter to my mom, enclosed it in an Express envelope with a letter to my aunt to forward it to my mother. Time passed, and no word. Then on Thanksgiving Eve this year, I got an e-mail saying, "Hi, I'm your Sister!!" I was going to delete it, because I didn't recognize the screen name; it's a good thing I didn't, because she really WAS my sister!! http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=427

An On-going Story - new article by Cheryl Jones
We realized what we had only suspected...that our son was stealing from friends and family, selling high tag gifts that were given to him at Christmas by us and my biological son, who is an adult. He would have explosive anger outbreaks, curse me and became very secretive. He asked to go to see his bio-dad for Thanksgiving. Both children wanted to go, and we agreed to meet their birth father to shorten the trip for us both. Even after we adopted, I made sure that the lines of communication remained open between our children and their birth parents. At least from our end. Our son had asked (before the trip) if he might remain in his birth fathers home until the end of the year... to "see what it would be like" and to resolve some issues with his birth father. Something he said he felt he "needed to do." Two days before the end of their visit, I made the decision to allow him to stay. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=428

After 37 Years - new article by Barbara M.
Let me tell you I was totally overwhelmed to receive that call from my mother! Yes, I had wanted to find my daughter! Yes, I would be more than willing to talk to my daughter after all these years! Yes, I had all the medical records for which my daughter was searching! Yes, yes, yes! http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=429

Read these articles at http://Magazine.Adoption.com, and submit your adoption-related articles to editor@adoptionweek.com for publication in Adoption Week e-Magazine and Adoption.com.

By submitting content, you represent that you have the rights to this content and that you give Adoption.com and Adoption Week the right to reprint this content on the internet, via e-mail, and in print form.

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3. ADOPTION NEWS

In the news last week, there were several interesting topics that made the headlines: Romania blames EU confusion for adoption ban breach, once infertile couple now parents four, a fetus found in a Louisiana trash can. To read these articles and several other headlines, visit News.Adoption.com/.

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4. ADOPTION LAW & POLICY NEWS

February 26, 2004

WEEKLY NEWS SUMMARY

Foster Care Systems

NATIONAL: “STUDIES SHOW FLAWS IN CHILD FOSTER CARE SYSTEM” - by Barbara White Stack
The Pew Commission on Children in Foster Care released a report on Wednesday, February 18, entitled “Foster Care: Voices From the Inside.” Drawing upon information from foster children, foster parents and birth parents, the report analyzes the foster care experience in light of the reforms set forth through the Adoption and Safe Families Act (ASFA) of 1997. On average, children spend three years in foster care and move three times while in the care of the state, notwithstanding the intent of ASFA to limit these often disturbing experiences for foster children. This spring, the Pew Commission will make recommendations on improvements to the child welfare system.
The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Wednesday, February 18, 2004
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/04049/274487.stm
NCALP is proud to announce that it is partnering with the Ohio Public Children’s Service Agency Organization in conjunction with the Pew Commission on Children in Foster Care’s initiatives for foster care reform.

NEW JERSEY: “PA SUCCESS A GUIDE FOR DYFS PLAN” - by Troy Graham and Mitch Lipka
The New Jersey Department of Youth and Family Services (‘DYFS’) has released an improvement plan aimed at reforming the agency. The plan is a result of a settlement reached in fall 2003 between DYFS and the child advocacy group Children’s Rights, Inc. The nature of the changes included in the proposal is likened by some observers to that which was embraced 8 years ago in Allegheny County, Pennsylvania, resulting in a turn-around of an underperforming agency. The New Jersey plan calls for a culture change which places more emphasis on the resources the respondent parent presents, rather than on “dictating to or judging the parent….” New Jersey’s DYFS Director expressed that “if we can keep a child safely at home, that’s our preference.” The agency will assign case workers to small geographic areas, and will aim to place children with relatives or keep them close to their neighborhoods, schools and friends. As to community support, New Jersey’s DYFS anticipates reliance on foundations, outreach programs for children, and local law firms for help in improving the agency.
The Philadelphia Inquirer, Sunday, February 22, 2004
http://www.philly.com/mld/inquirer/news/front/8009053.htm

MASSACHUSETTS: “AUDITORS FIND FOSTER CARE FILES RIFE WITH ERRORS” - by David Abel
The state of Massachusetts Department of Social Services uses a computer filing system called FamilyNet for storing case information. According to an audit of the information uploaded by caseworkers, 25% of the files lacked information, and 67% of the files contained information errors. Auditors note that the high number of cases under supervision by the agency demands that it conduct more regular information reviews. DSS representatives say that the errors in the computer system files only reflect a failure paperwork task completion by caseworkers, but don’t mean that children are placed into danger as a result of these filing errors. Since the audit in October 2003, DSS representatives say that the department remedied the majority of problems with data and is completing more timely background checks of potential foster parents.
The Boston Globe, Friday, February 20, 2004
http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2004/02/20/
auditors_find_foster_care_files_rife_with_errors/

CALIFORNIA: “SUPERVISORS TO END FINANCIAL INCENTIVES IN FOSTER CARE PROGRAM” - Associated Press
Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services will begin negotiations aimed at changing how the county receives state and federal funds. Under existing state and federal laws, a county government receives $30-$150K when a child is removed from her parents and taken into the custody of the state. A new waiver proposal would separate the budget allocated to the county from the removals, allowing the agency to dedicate $250 million of the $1.4 billion budget towards keeping children out of the system. Critics of the waiver proposal object to two provisions, one which allows funds to be used for an orphanage, the other requiring mandatory drug testing of mothers of newborns.
NBC4TV, Wednesday, February 18, 2004
http://www.nbc4.tv/news/2857349/detail.html
Also see:
Long Beach Press-Telegram, Monday, February 16, 2004
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/palmbeach/sfl-padopt20feb20,0,5641003.story?coll=sfla-news-palm

SOUTH CAROLINA: “REPORT SAYS SC FOSTER CARE NEEDS IMPROVEMENT” - Associated Press
A federal study reviewed 50 sample cases of the Department of Social Services (‘DSS’) and measured seven categories of risk to foster children in the care of the state. South Carolina failed to meet federal standards in six of the categories, but did perform better in some areas: prompt response to reports of abuse or neglect, and helping teenaged foster children “age out” of the system and become independent adults. Some of the areas for improvement included the underestimation of risks to abused or neglected children and the duration of stay for foster kids in non-permanent homes. The report attributed the failures by DSS to budget cuts, high caseworker turnover, and loss of agency attorneys. According to DSS, the 50 sample cases were not a sufficient representation of the 18,000 cases under the supervision of the agency. Federal funding is at risk for states that don’t improve on the measures reviewed; in the case of South Carolina $726,000 is at stake. Notably, none of the 39 states reviewed in the study satisfied every measure reviewed. In order to meet the progress goals laid out by federal regulators, DSS will implement an improvement plan and will request that legislators allocate $575,000 for adoption funding this year.
The Times and Democrat, Tuesday, February 24, 2004
http://www.timesanddemocrat.com/articles/2004/02/19/pm/pm3.txt

Adoption/Credits and Subsidies

MISSOURI: “MISSOURI AUDITOR QUESTIONS ADOPTION TAX CREDIT”
- Associated Press
The Missouri Special Needs Adoption Tax Credit offers families up to $10,000 for adoption related expenses, costing the state $2 million overall. The tax credit is intended as a benefit for families who adopt children with “special needs”, typically considered “hard to adopt.” A recent audit shows that the majority (90%) of the tax credits claimed are used for adoptions of children overseas rather than children in need of homes stateside, leading some to question the efficacy of the credit. A state auditor, Claire McCaskill, notes two primary problems with the credit, first in the interpretation of the term ‘special needs’ and second in the distribution process of the credit. McCaskill points to the state’s financial woes as she questions whether Missouri can afford to characterize both domestic and internationally adopted children as ‘special needs.” As to the fairness in the distribution of the credits, Melanie Scheetz of the Missouri Adoptive and Foster Care Coalition said, “The people who get the credits now are the people with the really fast lawyers.” Scheetz also notes that the types of expenses currently covered by the benefit are not those typically claimed by parents who adopt children in the foster care system. House Speaker Catherine Hanaway proposes that the state lift the $2 million cap and revise the credit so that it could be more accessible to more families adopting a child out of foster care. Hanaway believes the “special needs” term can be legitimately applied to adopted children from other countries, but also notes that “a lot of needy families are not getting the advantage of the tax credit.”
KOLR 10, Wednesday, February 18, 2004
http://www.kolr10.com/Global/story.asp?S=1649606&nav=0RXJKt3t

Adoption/Education

NATIONAL: THE NATIONAL CENTER FOR ADOPTION LAW AND POLICY SITE REACHES ONE MILLION HITS
The nation’s most comprehensive website devoted to the law of adoption – http://www.adoptionlawsite.org – reached the one million hit threshold on February 23rd, just seven months after it was launched in July of 2003 at the National Press Club in Washington, D.C. Developed by The National Center for Adoption Law & Policy (NCALP) at Capital University Law School in Columbus, Ohio, the site has proven to be an important – and well-utilized – new resource for child welfare and adoption professionals, child advocates, adoptive, foster and birth parents and all those concerned with or effected by child welfare and adoption law.
http://www.law.capital.edu/adoption/press_releases/lawsite02242004.htm

WEEKLY CASE SUMMARY

Significant Cases

Child Placement/”Best Interests”

"WASHINGTON: In re Custody of Shields
The Washington Court of Appeals affirmed the order of the trial court granting custody of the child to his stepmother over the objection of the child’s mother, holding that a nonparent can establish standing in a custody dispute with a parent without demonstrating that the parent is unfit, and concluding that the trial court’s finding of detriment to the child if he was placed with his biological mother was supported by evidence of actual detriment, which included the showing that the stepmother was the child’s psychological parent and the child was integrated into the stepmother’s family.
Cite: No. 21741-8-III, 2004 Wash. App. Lexis 215 (Wash. Ct. App. Feb. 12, 2004)
http://www.courts.wa.gov/opinions/?fa=opinions.opindisp&docid=217418MAJ

OREGON: Wurtele v. Blevins
The Oregon Court of Appeals affirmed the order of the trial court granting custody of a father’s daughter to the child’s maternal grandparents, but awarding both the mother and father substantial parenting time. The appeals court concluded: (1) that the grandparents rebutted the strong legal presumption that the legal parent acts in the child’s best interest; (2) that allowing the grandparent’s petition for custody comported with the child’s best interest; and (3) that constitutionally sufficient compelling circumstances existed for denying the father custody.
Cite: No. A115793, 2004 Ore. App. Lexis 112 (Ore. Ct. App. Feb. 11, 2004)
Web link: http://159.121.112.45/A115793.htm

Adoption Consent Requirements – Who Must Consent

LOUISIANA: In re McLarrin
A Louisiana Court of Appeals affirmed a lower court’s order terminating a father’s parental rights, finding that the father had failed to show that he manifested a commitment to his parental responsibilities. The appellate court found that the record supported the trial court’s conclusion that: (1) the father failed to carry his burden in showing a substantial commitment to the child; (2) he provided no financial support to mother or child; and (3) he failed to establish parental contact because he did not attempt to visit the child until the child was over a year and a half old.
Cite:No. 38,616-JAC, 2004 La. App. LEXIS 121 (La. Ct. App. Feb. 4, 2004).
Web link: http://www.lacoa2.org/38616jac.pdf

Other Cases of Interest

Termination of Parental Rights - Process

TENNESSEE: State v. McBee
The Tennessee Court of Appeals remanded the decision of the lower court terminating the parental rights of a father to his two minor children. The court concluded that the trial court failed to use the proper standard for terminating the father’s parental rights and failed to make the required findings of fact. As a result, the court remanded the case to the trial court for the court to enter findings of fact in accordance with the relevant state statute.
Cite: No. M2003-01326-COA-R3-PT, 2004 Tenn. App. LEXIS 85 (Feb. 9, 2004)
Web link: http://www.tsc.state.tn.us/opinions/tca/PDF/041/McBee.pdf

MISSOURI: In re E.N.K.
The Missouri Court of Appeals dismissed the appeal of the children’s aunt and uncle from the trial court’s judgment granting them co-guardianship of the children and not terminating the mother’s parental rights, concluding the trial court’s judgment was not final because the trial court failed to dispose of the rights of one of the natural fathers.
Cite: No. WD62789, 2004 WL 234658 (Mo. Ct. App. Feb. 10, 2004)
Web link: http://www.osca.state.mo.us/courts/pubopinions.nsf/ccd96539c3fb13ce8625661f004bc7da/
e9a7c3367fb7e2b886256e3600633659?OpenDocument&Highlight=0,e.n.k

Termination of Parental Rights – Appeals of Orders of Termination

OHIO: In re D.B.
The Ohio Court of Appeals affirmed the trial court’s decision awarding permanent custody of appellant’s three children to the Cuyahoga County Department of Children and Family Services (“CCDCFS”) despite the guardian ad litem’s recommendation of a planned permanent living arrangement. The appeals court found that the trial court was in no way bound by the guardian ad litem’s recommendation, as it contravened to the abundance of evidence demonstrated by CCDCFS that the children were at risk of physical and emotional abuse in the home.
Cite: No. 82450, 2004 Ohio App. LEXIS 618 (Ohio Ct. App. Feb. 12, 2004)
Web link: http://www.sconet.state.oh.us/rod/documents/8/2004/2004-ohio-625.doc

PENNSYLVANIA: In re B.L.W.
The Superior Court of Pennsylvania affirmed the lower court’s order terminating the mother’s parental rights, concluding the mother lacked capacity to provide her child with a safe and healthy living environment and there was no evidence in the record that this fact could change.
Cite: No. 1851MDA2001, 2004 WL 253947 (Pa. Super. Ct. Feb. 12, 2004)
Web link: http://www.courts.state.pa.us/OpPosting/Superior/out/e02009_03.pdf

NORTH CAROLINA: In re Mashburn
The North Carolina Court of Appeals affirmed an order terminating a mother’s parental rights, holding that the trial court did not err in admitting the testimony of investigators, a pediatrician, and a mental health professional regarding statements made by the children. The appellate court also found that admission of a threat by the children’s grandfather was in error; however, such error was not prejudicial and did not warrant a new trial.
Cite: No. COA02-1547, 2004 N.C. App. LEXIS 175 (N.C. Ct. App. Feb. 3, 2004)
Web link: http://www.aoc.state.nc.us/www/public/coa/opinions/2004/021547-1.htm

OHIO: In re M.W.
The Ohio Court of Appeals reversed a trial court’s order terminating a 17-year old mother’s parental rights, holding that the case plan seemed likely doomed to failure and therefore the trial court’s determination that the child could not be placed with the parent within a reasonable time was erroneous.
Cite: No. 03CA008342, 2004 Ohio App. LEXIS 396 (Ohio Ct. App. Feb. 4, 2004)
Web link: http://www.sconet.state.oh.us/rod/documents/9/2004/2004-ohio-438.doc

Credit: National Center for Adoption Law & Policy
Link: http://www.law.capital.edu/adoption

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5. ADOPTION BOOK CLUB

Why Me? Entering Foster Care
This book deals with the trauma a child experiences when becoming a foster child and other sensitive matters such as child safety. The book is designed to help children in foster care cope with their new way of life by answering some of the questions that play so heavily on their hearts. The book helps children see that they have every right to feel safe and secure, to be happy, and to feel good; to see that they can make new friends, get help from their teachers when needed, and learn to make the best of their new home.

For more information on this book, visit http://adoptionshop.com/cgi-bin/products/ADP11733.html.

Find 1,200+ other adoption products at adoptionshop.com.

To share your favorite adoption book with others, join the Adoption Book Club on AdoptionLists.com at http://adoptionlists.com/index.php?action=lists&listname=adoptionbookclub.

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6. MEET NEW HOPEFUL ADOPTIVE PARENTS

Art & Sandy (MA)
Hi there! We are Sandy and Art. We are a young, professional couple that enjoys spending time with each other. We have a special, loving relationship and can’t wait to expand our family with a little one. To view Art and Sandy's profile, visit http://profiles.adoption.com/profiles/db11528.html.

Rick & Diane (WA)
We are very excited to be writing to you as we seek to become parents through adoption. We believe that each family member is a gift from God to the others and that is the basis that we intend to build our family. To view Rick and Diane's profile, visit http://profiles.adoption.com/profiles/db6241.html.

John & Ida (TX)
It has been said that in life you can’t choose your family, just your friends. Although that may hold true for many, it won’t for this child. He/She will be blessed with both a biological heritage chosen by God and an adopted heritage. To view John and Ida's profile, visit http://profiles.adoption.com/profiles/db11736.html.

Kevin & Margaret (CA)
Hello! We are Kevin and Margaret of the San Francisco Bay Area. We are thrilled about becoming parents, and open adoption has renewed our hope for having a family. We look forward to giving a child a full and happy life. To view Kevin and Margaret's profile, visit http://profiles.adoption.com/profiles/db1989.html.

Mike & Trina (IN)
Hi! We are Mike and Trina, an active, fun-loving couple hoping to begin a lifelong adventure that includes you and your baby. We are committed to the open adoption process and the relationship it creates. To view Mike and Trina's profile, visit http://profiles.adoption.com/profiles/db11622.html.

Are you pregnant? Visit ParentProfiles.com (a service of Adoption Profiles, LLC) to find the right adoptive parents for your baby.

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7. FEATURED WAITING CHILD

Brandon is a quiet and shy teenage boy. It takes Brandon a while before warms up to adults. Once he gets to know you, he can be very engaging and funny. At this time he is doing well in school. Brandon has made great progress in getting along with peers and adults. Brandon use to have difficulty accepting responsibility for his behaviors and actions. Talking things out and negotiating works best with Brandon. He is the type of teen that needs to have boundaries set and consequences to follow if he does not stay within the boundaries. Brandon has been in a facility most of his time in foster care, so some form of behavioral modification techniques work best with him. A family who is patient and willing to work with a child that has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder would be good for Brandon. The family should know how to negotiate and reason with a teen that has been diagnosed with ODD. Brandon does desire a two-parent home, and other children in the home would be fine with him.

Photolisting.Adoption.com is a free community service of Adoption.com featuring more than 1,700 children awaiting loving, permanent homes. Add your agency's waiting children to the most popular adoption website, and help them find loving homes faster. E-mail exchange@adoptablekids.com for info.

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8. SUCCESSFUL ADOPTION

We were matched with a terrific couple last October. In Salt Lake City on January 18, our baby girl was born in the birth parent's home. We were at the birth. It was unquestionably the most amazing and memorable event in our lives. Our new daughter is healthy and perfect in every way!

Demyn and Susan

If you are hoping to adopt, visit ParentProfiles.com (a service of Adoption Profiles, LLC) today to start building your online profile.

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9. ADOPTION GEM

10. ADOPTION BUZZ

Birth Family Post Relinquishment: Healing, Recovery, and Success: - Birth Mother Era's
http://forums.adoption.com/t109344.html

Becoming Foster Parents: - Effect on Biological Children
http://forums.adoption.com/t136184.html

How I Found Out - Stories of Discovery: - Dead Birth Parents
http://forums.adoption.com/t136476.html

Guatemala Adoption: - A Girl or a Boy?
http://forums.adoption.com/t136606.html

Korea Adoption: - Adoptee Seeking Information
http://forums.adoption.com/t132104.html

If any of the links above do not work, visit Adoption.com for direct links to these discussions.

For more online adoption discussions, visit Forums.Adoption.com.

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11. ADOPTION SITE SPOTLIGHT

This week, our adoption spotlight is shining on: Music.Adoption.com.

If you're looking for the best in adoption music, we've got it. Visit Music.Adoption.com to get on beat.

For a list of our favorite adoption websites, visit Adoptions.Adoption.com.

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12. ADOPTION DESTINATION

InternationalAdoption.org is the internet's authoritative destination for international adoption. You will find fact sheets, adoption information, travel information, culture and heritage, maps, weather, books, currency exchange rates, periodicals, news and much more for dozens of different countries with active international adoption programs.

This week, the country of focus is India.

Indian law has no provisions for foreigners to adopt Indian children, but under the Guardian and Wards Act of 1890, foreigners may petition an Indian District Court for legal custody of a child to be taken abroad for adoption. Following a 1984 Indian Supreme Court decision, non-Indians are required to work through an adoption agency in their home country that is licensed in accordance with local law and appears on a list of agencies approved by the Indian government.

To learn more about India's government, geography, and communication information, or its history, visit India.Adoption.com.

Read India adoption-related articles at http://library.adoption.com/information/India/69/1.html.

To chat with parents who have adopted or are considering adopting from India, visit http://forums.adoption.com/f67.html.

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13. JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT

PRINTED ON THE BOTTOM

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

E-mail your humorous story or joke to editor@adoptionweek.com.

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14. FEATURED ADOPTION PROFESSIONAL

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Toll Free: (888) 34 ADOPT
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For more information on A Adoption Law Attorney: Mary Catherine Barrett CO. LPA, visit http://www.Adoption-Law-Firm.com/pages/1/index.htm.

Find adoption agencies, attorneys and other adoption professionals at Directory.Adoption.com.

To see your ad here, visit http://directory.adoption.com/upgrade.php.

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15. ADOPTIONSHOP.COM PICK

She Who Is My Granddaughter - Only $14.95
She is the most amazingly wonderful child God ever put on the face of the earth. (I can say that because I’m her grandmother.) In her face, I see myself … Eyes filled with adventure and dreams… Mind spinning with unlimited possibilities for the future… Body filled with unbound energy and enthusiasm. She is my posterity… and my joy. Folks say that if they knew grandchildren were so much fun, they’d have had them first. I agree….Especially when it comes to her. Oh my granddaughter!!! I am so proud of you.

For more information and ordering instructions, visit http://adoptionshop.com/cgi-bin/products/WWW00016.html.

For more adoption products, visit adoptionshop.com.

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16. COUNSEL FROM AN ADOPTEE AND A BIRTH MOTHER

This section is not intended for search advice. It is meant to be an advice column for people with questions concerning their feelings, interested in the opinion of someone who can relate. The views expressed by this author is solely his own, and for which the author is responsible. The content within this column is not to be considered as professional medical, legal or behavioral health information to be used in diagnosis, treatment or actions that would require the consultation and/or services of a licensed, certified or accredited professional. These views do not necessarily represent the views of Adoption Week e-Magazine.

Question:

Hey,

My 7-year-old daughter found out this past summer who her birth parents and birth siblings are. How often should they see each other? I am ok with visitation at our home, but the birth parents do not make much effort to get together. I at least want the siblings to stay in contact. Am I expecting too much? Some people think I am crazy. I am not worried at all about the birth family being in her life. Thanks.

Jan's Response: I think you should see how it goes and have them see each other as much as possible depending on a number of factors, of course, such as distance, how well the visits go, how much contact the parents of your daughter's sibling want, etc. There are no absolutes in this, but, I think if possible, it might be good if the contact can be as consistent as possible, once a month, once a week, whatever you can all agree to and works for everyone. Of course, some flexibility is desirable too. Obviously, you cannot force the birth parents to visit, but for your daughter's sake, I encourage you to do as much as you can to work with them and make visits comfortable for all concerned. Know that part of their hesitancy in contact probably stems from the fact that even if they love your/their daughter, leaving after a visit may be painful for them. Your support and encouragement of their visits and those of her siblings can be a wonderful gift for you to give your daughter. It will only strengthen your relationship with her to give your blessings as to contact with her birth family. No, you are not expecting too much! I do not think you should be "worried" about the birth family being in your daughter's life. It is a somewhat complicated situation though, so I do think you need to be cautious and careful, always keeping your daughter's best interest in mind. Having her birth family in her life can be positive for everyone. Birth parents are not all "bad" people, as not all adoptive parents are "good" people. The people who think you are crazy are just ill-informed about what is best for adopted children. They do not understand how healthy it can be for an adopted child's development and well-being to have contact with their birth families. There is a lot of misinformation about the realities of adoption, but those of us in the adoption community can help to change that by educating others. To establish a positive relationship with your daughter's birth family will most likely be challenging. If you (and her birth family) go into it with optimism and determination to do what is best for your child, that should go a long way towards making it work. Best of luck - I commend you highly for your positive, open attitude! Your daughter is very fortunate. Jan

DB's Response: First and foremost, I do think you should be concerned about the birth family being involved in your daughter's life in the capacity that you should do what you can to keep them in contact. So long, of course, that it is a healthy relationship. I do not think you are expecting too much. There is nothing wrong with wanting your daughter to know where she came from and to have a relationship with those people. I think that is great. There are a lot of adoptive parents out there who do not see it your way. You have no idea the pain a lot of children who were relinquished feel because they do not know where they came from. You are providing your daughter with an opportunity to not feel that pain. You are leaving the decision to her as she gets older, to decide whether or not she wants contact with her biological family. Keep up and good work, but make sure you are there for your daughter if she ever needs to talk. I cannot imagine that a 7-year-old can grasp the entire picture of what is going on. Just make sure you let her know that she can come to you for or with anything. DB

Question:

Hello,

I have been "searching" for years - for my father's birth parents. Just when I had no hopes left and had pretty much accepted that I would never know anything...I received a notice from the court that they have approved my petition and have been granted a full copy of the file, including the original birth certificate. I am not sure how long it will take to get the file from the state, but I AM SO EXCITED!

I know this might seem like "jumping the gun", but I thought I should start putting a letter together now, before I have the information. I am so excited I just blurt stuff out in order to make contact as soon as possible. I have a private investigator standing by for the information, so I am hoping that once I actually get the file, it will be quick.

Do you have any advice on the actual contact? What I should say or not say in a letter? Should I enclose pictures?

Thanks in advance!

DP

Jan's Response: Dear DP: How exciting to hear you have been successful! No, I do not think you are jumping the gun at all. Being prepared is an important part of reunion. Drafting just the right letter may take some time so, I think this is a good time to work on a letter. One thing I have often heard about that first contact is to stick to your gut instincts as to what you feel most comfortable with. As far as pictures, I think you should wait a while before sending them. Take things slowly. For that first letter, be sure and send it either certified or with delivery confirmation. Also, enclose a self-addressed stamped postcard with boxes for the person to check off: 1) I am the person you are seeking, but, do not wish contact at this time; 2) I am not the person you are seeking; 3) I am the person you are seeking, but need some time. (Make up your own choices.) Keep your first letter simple. Say something to the effect that you are looking for someone for whom the date (your father's birthday) will have significance. Assure the people you are writing to that you do not wish to disturb their lives, but have been searching for a long time and would like some information. Sound positive and upbeat; let them know that you do not want anything from them. There are many search and reunion sites on the Internet that have initial contact letters, including Adoption.com. Check them out, and then compose a letter that feels right for you. Thanks for your e-mail; it will give hope to others who are searching!!! Good luck! Jan

DB's Response: I agree with Jan; congrats on the success. I do not think that you are jumping the gun at all. It does take time to write a letter perfectly in this situation for most people. Just take your time and relax. Word the letter the way you want it worded. Write it, read it, revise it, re-read it and revise it again if necessary. As far as what the letter should say, that's up to you. I like Jan's idea of making it as easy as possible for your father's birth parents to respond by putting the check boxes in the letter. Be very careful, however, with your contact. This is going to be very much "out of left field" for these people. If anything, they assumed that their relinquished child would search for them, probably not their grandchild. I would also advise you to be extremely careful with using a private investigator. I have heard more horror stories than success stories from people who have used them and "search services". I suggest that once you have the information, you try searching on your own. If you are unsuccessful and still feel that you need the help of a PI, then proceed with caution in that direction. Please ask this PI for references, actually contact those references and speak to them directly, ask for documentation of his certifications, etc. Just be careful. There are a lot of services and people out there that prey on people in your situation. All and all, congrats and good luck. Take your time, and don't rush anything. It may only make things harder for you and the people you are searching for. DB

BIOS:

The author is a 21-year-old adoptee who wants to help those affiliated with the adoption community. Although the author does not have a medical degree, etc., he is simply extending a listening ear and the perspective of a young adult who is involved in the adoption triad.

The co-author, Jan, is a reunited mother of a 34-year-old son who was relinquished at birth. She also has a daughter and a son whom she raised and is a proud grandmother of three. Jan has no counseling credentials or training, but offers her opinions based on her role as an active member of the adoption community.

Their opinions are not necessarily those of Adoption.com and are provided voluntarily on a weekly basis.

To submit your questions to DB, e-mail adoptionquestions2003@yahoo.com

To submit your questions to Jan, e-mail janb91024@yahoo.com

In order for your questions/comments to be answered in the next week's issue, questions need to be submitted before 12 noon each Wednesday.

In addition, please remember to keep your questions appropriate for Adoption Week e-Magazine; otherwise, they will not be answered or included in the next week's edition.

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17. SPEAK OUT

I am a Family Nurse Practitioner who has also adopted and who has crack-addicted kids with learning disabilities in my practice. As you know, you have a challenge in front of you. The crack kids of the 80's are now in school, and we are seeing learning and behavior disabilities. You WILL be the one teaching the school system how to handle your child; they barely have a handle on ADD and ADHD. We have had some success with the SSI drugs, specifically Wellbutrin. Unfortunately, your child will need medicine to try to focus, because the drugs have damaged his neurological system. I would also educate myself on learning disabilities and crack-addicted kids. I would also find a healthcare provider who will help you explore ways to reach your child educationally, emotionally and psychologically. Good luck. - Jami Stroud RN, MSN, FNPc

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I am responding to the mother of the little girl who was born addicted to cocaine. Although I have not been down this road personally, I do have a friend that adopted her own grandchild and has faced some similar problems. She eliminated high-sugar processed foods from her son's diet and added a calcium and magnesium supplement. She also focused on a high protein breakfast - no cereal or sugar - and this made a big difference in his ability to perform through out the morning. Also, her son now wears ear plugs or head phones to do school work. She had him tested and was told that he was hyper-sensitive to noise that we would consider background noise and tend to tune out. There was no quick fix, but we can all see a big difference in the way he is interacting with others. Good luck to you.

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I am looking for my husband's birth sister. We believe she was born Diane Willie on 02-20-63, probably in Ontario, Canada. She would be of Aborigine decent as her mother was. She would be registered with First Nation. She may not know of her brother, as he was born 02-19-64. If anyone has any info, please e-mail at jpwabbit1@hotmail.com. Thank you.

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I am a birth mother who is desperately searching for my son, forced to relinquish to adoptive parents, possibly from Amsterdam, NY. My other son has many allergies, and we need to find Michael born 9/2/68 to warn him of severe peanut allergies and asthma-related respiratory illnesses in three of my children. Two of the babies are in Heaven now.

If you know anyone born on 9.2.68 in St Peter's Hospital in Albany, NY, on Labor Day in the am, please contact me. My only wish is to find my loving child whom I love so very much. His grandmother's last wish, and my only wish, is to find him. We suffer daily looking for Michael. Serious mailers ONLY! - mywish03@aol.com

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I wish to say hi to my son, born September 26, 1974 in Mount St. Mary's Hospital, Niagara Falls, NY. I was 15 when I put him up for adoption through Catholic Charities (John Lynch was the supervisor of the adoption at that time, now deceased). I have looked for many years for any information or openings in the NY state laws allowing adoption information from 1974 to be released but have found no openings. I send a warm wish of love, happiness, and prosperity to him. I loved you then, and I love you now. I certainly hope you had a great home and a wonderful childhood with parents who loved you. - Mom

---------------------------------

Not meant to be...I first traced my mother when I was 26. I always found our meetings stirred up so much, and so did she. She would often be late or "forget" to turn up to our meetings. I left long gaps, for recovery time, but I always thought one day we'd really get close. Last Christmas, I decided I was finally ready to have a real relationship with her and sent a card. To my great sadness, I found she now has dementia and can't speak. I thought I had all the time in the world...guess it just wasn't meant to be.

---------------------------------

I have been searching for my birth mother for quite a while and am having no luck. I was born in San Antonio, Texas, on January 9, 1967. The lawyer that handled the case was Holt (last name). The adoption went through Child & Family Services in Austin, Texas. The agency is no longer running, and it is hard to find out any information about my adoption. If someone could please give me some insight, it would be greatly appreciated. I am anxious to meet the person that gave me the opportunity to live. She must feel love for me, or she wouldn't have cared for me nine months in the womb. Please e-mail me with any information! - ssnypes@yahoo.com

---------------------------------

My name is Melissa. I was born in Marrerro, Louisiana at West Jefferson Hospital to Lewanna Plummer on August 16, 1967. Lewanna's birthday is July 30, 1951 (or 31st or somewhere near there...I don't recall exactly). Her parent's were John Wade Plummer and Delores Plummer of Sarasota, Florida. Her brother, older I presume as he was married and living in Harvey or Marrerro, Louisiana on the west bank of the Mississippi River near New Orleans, was named John Wayne Plummer. I would greatly appreciate it if anyone having any information on these people, particularly Lewanna, would contact me at mrodrigue1@aol.com. I now have an infant son and would love for him to know where I come from. I have had a wonderful life and am blessed to have been placed with a wonderful mother and father. I have no hard feelings and am only thankful for the life Lewanna gave to me. I would just love the opportunity to tell her that myself.

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To Speak Out and share your opinion or a comment, or to respond to a message, e-mail editor@adoptionweek.com

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18. ADOPTION POETRY

19. ADOPTION CALENDAR

CHAT SCHEDULE:

Sunday:
Reunion Support Group Chat with Loretta in the Search and Reunion room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern

Monday:
Join Dr. Art Becker-Weidman in the hosted chat room at 2 pm Pacific, 3 pm Mountain, 4 pm Central, 5 pm Eastern and ask him questions on attachment therapy and treating children with trauma-attachment disorders.

Adoptee Chat with Thea in the hosted chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern. Thea is a caring adoptee that has recently reunited with her birth mother.

Tuesday:
Birth mom chat with Angelwings. Angel is a birthmom and adoptee. Her chat is held in the BirthMother.chat room at 4 pm Pacific, 5 pm Mountain, 6 pm Central, 7 pm Eastern

Birth father's General Support Chat in the hosted chat room with adoptee and birth father, Terry. All are invited at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm central, 9 pm Eastern

Wednesday:
Pre- and adoptive parent chat with JJ and friends - Help as you begin the adoption process. Hosted in Adoptive Parents chat room at 5 pm Pacific, 6 pm Mountain, 7 pm Central, 8 pm Eastern.

Parenting issues for adoptive/foster parents with Dimasmom in FosterCare chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern.

Thursday:
Evening with Colleen Buckner, search expert, in Search and Reunion chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern.

Friday:
If you are having a "limbo" type experience with your reunion, come and talk it over with those who've "been there-done that" themselves. Join co-hosting birth mothers, April and Judy, in the Search and Reunion room on Fridays: 5 pm Pacific, 6 pm Mountain, 7 pm Central, 8 pm Eastern.

Saturday:
Older child adoption/foster care behavioral issues with Jerry in FosterCare chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern.

For a listing of times and descriptions and to attend scheduled chats, or join the live chat, visit Forums.Adoption.com/Chat.

ADOPTION EVENTS:

PRE-ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP
February 17 - April 6 (7:00 pm - 9:00 pm on eight Tuesday evenings) San Jose, CA
Resolve of Northern California
Explore your questions and concerns about adoption, and enjoy peer support while you learn about the adoption process. This support group provides information and support about the decision to adopt, and about all types of adoption. Led by Sara Lively, founder of Adoption Paths, an educational organization independent of any adoption agency. For more information and to register, call (831) 476-6252 or visit http://www.AdoptionPaths.com.

BIRTHPARENT SUPPORT MEETING
March 3 (6:30 pm - 8:30 pm)
Adoption Network Cleveland, 1667 East 40th St. Suite B-1, Cleveland, Ohio
Adoption Network Cleveland
Who can attend: Birthparents who have placed a child for adoption. For more information, call (216) 881-7511 or visit http://www.AdoptionNetwork.org.

ROCKY RIVER GENERAL MEETING
March 4 (7:30 pm - 9:30 pm)
West Shore Unitarian Church, 20401 Hilliard Blvd., Rocky River, Ohio
Adoption Network Cleveland
Who can attend: Adult adoptees, birth parents, siblings, adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents, professionals and anyone who is interested in lifelong adoption issues. No registration or membership is required to attend. For more information, call (216) 881-7511 or visit http://www.AdoptionNetwork.org.

ABC'S OF INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION
March 6 (10:00 am - 11:30 am)
Norman Public Library, 22 N Webster, Norman, OK
Dillon International, Inc.
During this free informational meeting, attendees will be given an overview of the process of international adoption, individual country requirements and adoption costs. In addition, they will be given information on waiting children from South Korea, China, India, Ukraine, Vietnam, Haiti, and Guatemala. Please call Nancy at (405) 329-0531 or e-mail vnwood@flash.net.

RUSSIAN & KAZAKSTAN ADOPTION PROGRAM SEMINAR
March 6 (10:00 am - 12:00 pm) Pine Creek Commons Office Complex, 2450 Atlanta Hwy, Unit 1204 Cummuning, GA 30040
AAA Partners in Adoption
Free informational seminar for prospective adoptive parents that are interested in adopting an infant or toddler from Russia, surrounding regions, and Kazakhstan. Registration is required. Call (770) 844-2080 for more information. (AAA PIA does the placement of child and the homestudy for this program.)

ABC'S OF INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION
March 6 (10:00 am - 12:00 pm)
Yarboraough Library, 2200 Hancock Drive, Austin, TX
Dillon International, Inc.
During this free informational meeting, attendees will be given an overview of the process of international adoption, individual country requirements and adoption costs. In addition, they will be given information on waiting children from South Korea, China, India, Ukraine, Vietnam, Haiti, and Guatemala. Please call Pam at (512) 467-9177 or e-mail pam_matthews@hotmail.com.

ADULT ADOPTEES FROM ASIA SHARE THEIR EXPERIENCES
March 6 (6:30 pm - 9:00 pm)
Korean Community Center, 3641 South Port Dr., Sacramento
Families with Children from China - Northern California, Friends of Korea and Hand in Hand Adoptive Family Support Group
R.S.V.P: Michele Worley (916) 772-7818 or dawfamdoc@aol.com by March 3rd (to plan for food and seating) Donation: $7 per adult ($10 for two), to cover costs of facility, refreshments, printing, mailing. This event is intended just for adults. Please, no children under high school age. We will see a short movie, Perspectives on Adoption: International Adoptees Tell Their Stories, to create a context for dialogue, and then move on to the panel of adoptees and facilitators. *Panelists: Amy Hammond, Diane Peck and Shawna Chrisman *Facilitators: Eyoungsoo Park, PhD; Clinical Psychologist with 30+ years working with kids and teens, including adoption issues; Chris Winston, President, Friends of Korea and Chairperson, Korean American Adoptee Adoptive Family Network and mom to three, including two adopted from Korea.

ABC'S OF INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION
March 9 (6:00 pm - 8:00 pm)
First United Methodist Church at 6701 JFK Blvd, North Little Rock, AR
Dillon International, Inc.
During this free informational meeting, attendees will be given an overview of the process of international adoption, individual country requirements and adoption costs. In addition, they will be given information on waiting children from South Korea, China, India, Ukraine, Vietnam, Haiti, and Guatemala. For more information, contact Kimberly Alls at (501) 791-9300 or e-mail DillonArkansas@dillonadopt.com.

CHINA ADOPTION INFORMATION MEETING
March 9 (6:30 pm - 7:30 pm)
Dillon International office at 3227 E. 31st Street, Tulsa, OK
Dillon International, Inc.
During this FREE informational meeting, attendees will be given an overview of the process of international adoption, adoption from China costs and requirements as well as information on waiting children. For more information, contact Esther at (918) 749-4600 or e-mail info@dillonadopt.com.

AKRON GENERAL MEETING
March 10 (7:30 pm - 9:30 pm)
Akron General Health and Wellness Center, 4125 Medina Road, Akron, Ohio
Adoption Network Cleveland
Who can attend: Adult adoptees, birth parents, siblings, adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents, professionals and anyone who is interested in lifelong adoption issues. No registration or membership is required to attend. For more information, call (216) 881-7511 or visit http:www.AdoptionNetwork.org.

ABC'S OF INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION
March 11 (7:00 pm - 8:30 pm)
Central United Methodist Church, 1425 E. Mains Street, Richmond, IN
Dillon International, Inc.
During this free informational meeting, attendees will be given an overview of the process of international adoption, individual country requirements and adoption costs. In addition, they will be given information on waiting children from South Korea, China, India, Ukraine, Vietnam, Haiti, and Guatemala. For more information, contact Karin at (765) 965-1195 or e-mail Karin@dillonadopt.com.

DOWNTOWN CLEVELAND GENERAL MEETING
March 12 (12:00 pm - 1:30 pm - bring lunch if you wish)
Adoption Network Cleveland, 1667 East 40th St. Suite B-1, Cleveland, Ohio
Adoption Network Cleveland
Who can attend: Adult adoptees, birth parents, siblings, adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents, professionals and anyone who is interested in lifelong adoption issues. No registration or membership is required to attend. For more information, call (216) 881-7511 or visit http:www.AdoptionNetwork.org.

SWEET SIXTEEN: Dinner, Dada and Delights Benefit
March 13 (6:00 pm - 10:00 pm)
Massimo da Milano, 1400 West 25th St., Cleveland, Ohio 44113
Adoption Network Cleveland
Join us at our annual gala for a dinner buffet, silent auction, raffle, special guest appearance by Michael Lehan, defensive back for Cleveland¹s Pro Football Team, and a hilarious improvisational performance by Cabaret Dada. RSVP: Tickets start at $40 for Adoption Network Cleveland members and $45 for non-members. Groups of 6 or more pay $40 per ticket before March 9th. Tickets after March 9th and at the door are $50. Reservations are required, please call (216) 881-7511.

HEIGHTS AREA GENERAL MEETING
March 18 (7:30 pm - 9:30 pm)
Unity of Greater Cleveland, 3350 Warrensville Center Road, Shaker Heights, Ohio
Adoption Network Cleveland
Who can attend: Adult adoptees, birth parents, siblings, adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents, professionals and anyone who is interested in lifelong adoption issues. No registration or membership is required to attend. For more information, call (216) 881-7511 or visit http:www.AdoptionNetwork.org.

TRIGGERS WORKSHOP - What Can Cause Adoption-Related Crisis?
March 20 (9:00 am - 12:00 pm)
Berea Children¹s Home-Center City Office, 2121 East 32nd St., Cleveland
Adoption Network Cleveland
Presenter: Zoe Breen-Wood
RSVP: Free Workshop. Foster parent training certificates and social work/counselor CEU¹s provided. Registration is required, please call (216) 881-7511. Registration closes 3 days prior to workshop.

ADOPTION WORKSHOP - Dealing With Grief and Loss in Adoption
March 20 (1:00 pm - 4:00 pm)
Berea Children¹s Home-Center City Office, 2121 East 32nd St., Cleveland
Adoption Network Cleveland
Presenter: Arleta James
RSVP: Free Workshop. Foster parent training certificates and social work/counselor CEU¹s provided. Registration is required, please call (216) 881-7511. Registration closes 3 days prior to workshop.

BIRTHPARENT SUPPORT MEETING
March 20 (2:00 pm - 4:00 pm)
Adoption Network Cleveland, 1667 East 40th St. Suite B-1, Cleveland, Ohio
Adoption Network Cleveland
Who can attend: Birthparents who have placed a child for adoption. For more information, call (216) 881-7511 or visit http://www.AdoptionNetwork.org.

SEXUAL ABUSE WORKSHOP
March 23 (6:00 pm - 9:00 pm)
Parmadale, 6753 State Rd., (Cottage 3) Parma, Ohio
Adoption Network Cleveland
Presenter: Arleta James
RSVP: Free Workshop. Foster parent training certificates and social work/counselor CEU¹s provided. Registration is required, please call (216) 881-7511. Registration closes 3 days prior to workshop.

INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION SUPPORT MEETING
March 24 (7:00 pm - 8:30 pm)
Euclid Public Library, Erie Room, 631 E. 222nd. St., Euclid, Ohio
Adoption Network Cleveland
Who can attend: Adult adoptees, birth parents, siblings, adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents, professionals and anyone who is interested in lifelong adoption issues. No registration or membership is required to attend. For more information, call (216) 881-7511 or visit http:www.AdoptionNetwork.org.

INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION SEMINAR: One Day Seminar
March 27 (9:30 am - 3:30 pm)
Heritage United Methodist Church, 12850 Quivira Road, Overland Park, KS
Dillon International, Inc.
International adoption can be a wonderful experience. Meet adoptive families, their children, and staff members of Dillon International, Inc. The cost is $60.00 for a married couple and $50.00 for a single adult applicant. The fee covers lunch and seminar materials. Facilities do not provide for childcare. To register, call (918) 749-4600 or e-mail bev@dillonadopt.com.

LAKE COUNTY GENERAL MEETING
March 30 (7:30 pm - 9:30 pm)
Deepwood North Apartments, Rental Office/Community Room, 8100 Deepwood Blvd. (off Rt. 84) Mentor, Ohio; follow signs to rental office
Adoption Network Cleveland
Who can attend: Adult adoptees, birth parents, siblings, adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents, professionals and anyone who is interested in lifelong adoption issues. No registration or membership is required to attend. For more information, call (216) 881-7511 or visit http://www.AdoptionNetwork.org.

2004 NATIONAL ADOPTION CONFERENCE
April 1 - April 2
Washington Terrace Hotel, Washington, DC
National Council For Adoption (NCFA)
The event will bring together adoption professionals, child welfare advocates, and policymakers to discuss and learn about important domestic and intercountry adoption issues. Contact Kelsey Larus at (703) 299-6633, or visit NCFA's website at http://www.AdoptionCouncil.org for more information and to register.

For local listings, regional seminars, and many other adoption events, visit Events.Adoption.com.

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