1. ANNOUNCEMENT

NANCY ASHE JOINS ADOPTION.COM AS EDITOR
Adoption.com is excited to announce that Nancy Ashe, the former About.com Adoption Guide, will be joining us full-time beginning January 2 as the Adoption.com Editor. Nancy will publish breaking adoption news stories and other articles to help you easily find the latest adoption news and content several times each week. Nancy will also help develop many topical content areas on the Adoption.com websites.

LET ADOPTION.COM REPRINT YOUR BOOK ONLINE
Have you written an adoption-related book? Adoption.com would like to talk to you about licensing your book to reprint on the Adoption.com website. If you are interested, please contact editor@adoptionmedia.com.

CALL FOR ADOPTION-RELATED PHOTOS
Adoption.com is developing a new section on its website of adoption-related photos and is looking for photos from families and individuals touched by adoption. Please e-mail photos or questions to editor@adoptionmedia.com. We can provide a physical adress if you would like to send the actual photos.

CALL FOR ADOPTION-RELATED RECIPES
Adoption.com is developing a new section for recipies that are connected to adoption. Did you adopt from China and now have a favorite Chinese recipe? Did you adopt your child from New Orleans and now have a great cajun recipe? Does your adoptive family have a favorite recipe you would like to share? Please send your recipes to editor@adoptionmedia.com.

LAST MINUTE GIFT-GIVING MADE EASY!
Order any Child Welfare League of America "Giftables" item and receive an EXCLUSIVE 10% discount. Effective immediately, Adoption Week readers can take 10% off all CWLA "Giftables" purchases made through Dec. 31, 2003.** From posters and pins to T-shirts and ties, from children's books to music and more, our extensive collection features items adored by teachers, colleagues, family, and kids. And remember, all "Giftables" proceeds support CWLA efforts to make children, youth, and families a national priority. To order online or to view other items, visit http://www.cwla.org/pubs. To order by phone or to request our colorful catalog in print, call our customer service representatives at 800-407-6273. Be sure to mention "ACOM03" to receive your exclusive Adoption.com discount. Standard and overnight shipping available! This holiday season, help make every day a joyful day for America's children. (** Customized cards excluded. Discount may not be combined with other offers.)

NEW ADOPTION.COM LIBRARY WITH THOUSANDS OF ARTICLES
We have launched the beta version of the Adoption.com library with more than 3,450 articles related to adoption, foster care, parenting, children's disabilities and related topics at http://Library.Adoption.com. These articles have been contributed by hundreds of authors, and include magazine articles, research, factsheets, stories, poems, statistics, laws, and other content. As a beta version, there are still features we are adding and improving for the upcoming final version of the website. This library is a free community service of Adoption.com. We invite authors to submit their articles to be published for free. If you are an author who has contributed content, please check to be sure we have included it correctly, with proper formatting and credit given. We also invite authors to submit their biographies and information on books they have written that we can link to from their articles. For more information, contact editor@adoptionmedia.com or visit http://Library.Adoption.com.

VISIT THE NEW ADOPTION.ORG
The http://Adoption.org website has just been relaunched with a powerful new tool that allows you to search more than 500,000 pages of adoption content from one search box. This tool searches an adoption glossary, more than 3,000 articles, hundreds of thousands of adoption records, thousands of photolistings, hundreds of adoption law summaries, hundreds of thousands of adoption message board posts, online books, baby name meanings, children's disability information, adoption news headlines, adoption poetry, adoption statistics, and other related content.

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2. NEW ARTICLES

The views expressed by the authors are solely their own, and for which the authors are responsible. These views do not necessarily represent the views of Adoption Week e-Magazine.

April in June - new article by April E. Dinwoodie
Each person I came into contact with had personally been touched by adoption. The wonderful couple whose house I visited (unannounced, mind-you) had adopted two children and had worked to open birth records in Connecticut. The next person who I connected with was an old friend of my birth mother and after telling her why I was searching for her long-lost friend she confessed to me that she had surrendered a child when she was a young woman. I was floored at the coincidence that was occurring around me. I was so grateful, because when I needed it most, I found authentic understanding and genuine compassion. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=384

An Adoptive Mother's Grief - new article contributed by Adam's mom
Five years later, we (my husband and I) have mastered terminology such as attachment disorder, suicidal ideology, childhood onset bipolar, attention deficit disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, psychotropic medication, and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome to name a few. Our son, whom we adopted at age 7, now resides in a treatment facility for emotionally disturbed boys. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=385

Black Market Adoption - new article contributed by Linda Williams
I was in hard labor and was refused pain medication because I was told it would harm the baby. On Jan. 26th at 4:50 am, I delivered a baby boy, or I was told by the Dr it was a boy. I was awake during the birth, and upon delivery I asked what I had. The Dr told me it was a boy. I then ask if he had any hair, and she said no; it is a little bald headed boy. I was then put to sleep. When I awoke around 8 am that same day, I was told by the nurse that my baby had died at birth. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=386

Re: What is Attachment Disorder? - new article contributed by Josee Larose
How can such a separation NOT cause a profound trauma that, sometimes, results in Attachment Disorder? A.D. is a failure of trust that life and people are reliable and will meet the child's needs. Some children who have suffered through such a traumatic separation from their mother subconsciously decide that NOBODY is to be trusted. To them, love and dependency equal pain. To avoid pain, they avoid love. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=387

Read these articles at http://Magazine.Adoption.com, and submit your adoption-related articles to editor@adoptionmedia.com for publication in Adoption Week e-Magazine and Adoption.com.

By submitting content, you represent that you have the rights to this content and that you give Adoption.com and Adoption Week the right to reprint this content on the internet, via e-mail, and in print form.

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3. ADOPTION NEWS

President Signs Adoption Law to Bolster National Commitment (TN)
http://www.adoption.com/includes/frame.php?url=http://www.sbcbaptistpress.org/bpnews.asp?ID=17199

New Families Minted at Adoption Day (CA)
http://www.adoption.com/includes/frame.php?url=http://www.oaklandtribune.com/Stories/0,1413,82~1726~1786063,00.html

Fathers Are Challenging Stereotypes. (IN)
http://www.adoption.com/includes/frame.php?url=http://www.indystar.com/articles/6/097833-4196-047.html

Adopting A Piece of Heaven (OH)
http://www.adoption.com/includes/frame.php?url=http://www.newarkadvocate.com/news/stories/20031201/localnews/744172.html

A Promise Fulfilled (LA)
http://www.adoption.com/includes/frame.php?url=http://www.2theadvocate.com/stories/113003/peo_baby001.shtml

Adoption Incentive Welcome (OH)
http://www.adoption.com/includes/frame.php?url=http://www.mansfieldnewsjournal.com/news/stories/20031204/localnews/760662.html

Kids, Parents Embrace Family (OH)
http://www.adoption.com/includes/frame.php?url=http://www.ohio.com/mld/ohio/news/7385613.htm

If any of the links to the news articles do not work, visit http://www.adoption.com/news for a list of headlines.

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4. ADOPTION LAW & POLICY NEWS

December 2, 2003

WEEKLY NEWS SUMMARY

OHIO: "ADOPTION VIOLATIONS COST OHIO 1.8M - HAMILTON CO. CITED IN BIAS INVESTIGATION" - by Cindi Andrews
The Administration for Children and Families, a federal agency, penalized the State of Ohio with a $1.8 million fine, and objected to specific procedures used in Hamilton County (Cincinnati) that resulted in discrimination against white families seeking to adopt African-American children. The fine is the first to have been imposed by the federal administration, and will constitute 2% of the child welfare federal monies in Ohio for one quarter. Following a 2001 lawsuit brought by families that experienced discrimination, the administration honed in on the procedure that includes race along with other factors that weigh in the placement of a child for adoption. In response, a state family services official notes that the state will look for inconsistency with state and federal law, and appeal the financial penalty.
The Cincinnati Enquirer, Saturday, November 22, 2003
http://www.enquirer.com/editions/2003/11/22/loc_adoption22.html

"25 ADOPTED BOYS FIND A HOME IN ONE HOUSE" - by Janet Kornblum
After the passage of ASFA (Adoption and Safe Families Act) in 1997, Anne Belles began adopting the children that she had fostered since she was 19 years old herself. She and her husband began adopting boys with special needs, aged 3-25, and now run a household where some boys have shown marked improvement in learning abilities. Adam Pertman of the Evan B. Donaldson Institute notes that financial incentives make special needs adoptions (like those by Belles and her husband) more possible, and that this family is an example of where incentives work. While some people question whether one family should take on so many children, those who know this family say that it works in their case.
USA TODAY, Tuesday, November 25, 2003
http://www.usatoday.com/life/2003-11-25-silcock-boys_x.htm

"ADOPTION BID TURNS INTO A NIGHTMARE" - by Jim Rankin
Alison Herst, a former participant in the Olympic Games and hopeful single-mother, had already legally adopted a Haitian child, and had visited Haiti five times in anticipation of adopting another, Zoe. However, before Herst secured a Canadian passport for the child, the Haitian orphanage caring for her closed. Since then, Herst and Zoe have been stuck without much help from the Canadian agency or the Haitian program operator, American Annette Thompson, who is based in Wisconsin. Thompson also runs a site, precious.org, that lists photographs of children waiting to be adopted, which lists Zoe as having been brought home to Canada in October. The poverty and corruption present in Haiti is a major source of difficulty, according to Herst, and she has been frequently compelled to pay extra money for the process to be completed.
The Toronto Star, Saturday, November 29, 2003
http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Arti cle_Type1&c=Article&cid=1070061305623&call_pageid=968256289824&col=968342212 737

BRITAIN: "FROZEN DREAMS" - by Mary Braid
Like their American counterparts, British couples face struggles in deciding how to deal with unused embryos. An American agency created a program, "Snowflakes," that screens and conducts homestudies in a process of adoption that has led to much controversy. An equivalent agency is unavailable to British couples. Some consider delivering their embryos to Snowflakes, because they have an interest in placing their embryos with a family that has been screened for factors that would influence the well-being of the would-be children, rather than only for medical health as a part of the available embryo donation process. Further, some hope to maintain some contact with the children, as is possible in an open adoption. The donation process is closed and confidential in the U.K., leaving children unable to trace their donor parents.
The Observer, Sunday, November 16, 2003
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/review/story/0,6903,1086007,00.html

WEEKLY CASE SUMMARY

Significant Cases

Rights of Grandparents and Other Biological Relatives

IN RE T.J.F.
The Indiana Court of Appeals reversed a lower court’s order that granted an adopted child’s biological sister post-adoption visitation rights and remanded with instructions to grant the adoptive parent’s motion to dismiss the guardian ad litem and the Office of Family and Children’s motion to permit biological sibling visitation. The Court of Appeals concluded that the lower court lacked authority under the statute to order visitation between the adopted child’s biological sister and the adopted child, absent a specific authorization for the biological sister’s visitation in the adoption decree.
Cite: No. 02-A05-0212-CV-616, 2003 Ind. App. LEXIS 2107 (Ind. Ct. App. Nov. 13, 2003).
Web link: http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/scripts/getcase.pl?court=in&vol=app\11130301.par&invol=2

IN RE GOFF
The Ohio Court of Appeals, 11th District affirmed the lower court's order denying the paternal grandparents’ motion to intervene in their grandchild’s dependency hearing. The court found that the grandparents failed to state how their presence in the proceedings was necessary and the grandparents’ intervention would not be in the best interest of the child. The court also noted that the grandparents never obtained a legal right to have custody or visitation with the child before the dependency hearing. In a second order entered in relation to this case, the court affirmed both the trial court’s denial of the father’s motion to dismiss or stay ruling on the county agency’s motion for permanent custody of his child pending the outcome of the grandparents’ appeal and the final judgment awarding permanent custody to the county.
Cite: No. 2003-P-0068, 2003 Ohio App. LEXIS 5442 (Ohio Ct. App. Nov. 14, 2003); No. 2003-P-0069, 2003 Ohio App. LEXIS 5444 (Ohio Ct. App. Nov. 14, 2003).
Web link: http://www.sconet.state.oh.us/rod/documents/11/2003/2003-ohio-6087.doc
2nd Web Link: http://www.sconet.state.oh.us/rod/documents/11/2003/2003-ohio-6089.doc

Subsidies/Tax Credits

YORK COUNTY CHILDREN & YOUTH SERVICES V. DEP'T OF PUB.WELFARE
The Commonwealth Court of Pennsylvania affirmed the Department of Public Welfare’s ruling, holding that an adopted daughter suffered from Reactive Attachment Disorder at or before the time of her adoption, and therefore, she had a "mental or emotional handicap" at the time she was adopted. Because the adopted daughter was found to have a “mental or emotional handicap,” she met the requirements of a Pennsylvania statute (55 Pa. Code § 3140.202 (b)(4)(i)) authorizing adoptive families to apply for financial assistance on behalf of children who have a physical, mental or emotional handicap.
Cite: 833 A.2d 281 (Pa. Cmwlth. 2003).
Web link: http://www.courts.state.pa.us/OpPosting/CWealth/out/660CD03_10-1-03.pdf

Other Cases of Interest

Termination of Parental Rights - Appeals of Orders of Termination

IN RE WILCOXEN
An Ohio Court of Appeals affirmed a judgment of the lower court terminating a mother’s parental rights and awarding permanent custody to the Stark County Department of Jobs and Family Services (SCDJS). The appellate court concluded the child could not be placed with either parent at this time and because the child had been in the temporary custody of SCDJS for 12 of the past consecutive 22 months, a grant of permanent custody to SCDJS was in the best interests of the child.
Cite: No. 2003-CA-00221, 2003 Ohio App. LEXIS 5368 (Nov. 3, 2003)
Web link: http://www.sconet.state.oh.us/rod/documents/5/2003/2003-ohio-6046.doc

IN RE ANGELIQUE C.
A California Court of Appeals affirmed a lower court’s denial of reunification services for a father relying on a State statute that allowed the court to bypass reunification services if a parent’s relationship with a sibling of the minor child in question had been permanently severed. The appellate court found that because the father had voluntarily relinquished his rights to this child’s sibling, and the evidence presented supported a finding that the father had not made reasonable efforts to treat the problems that led to the sibling’s removal, the trial court was correct in denying the father reunification services.
Cite: No. H024986, 2003 Cal. App. LEXIS 1718 (Nov. 19, 2003)
Web link: http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/opinions/documents/H024986.DOC

§ 1983 Action for Violation of Due Process in Termination Cases

MEYERS V. FRANKLIN COUNTY COURT OF COMMON PLEAS
The United States Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit affirmed the district court’s dismissal of a § 1983 suit brought against two Franklin County Judges, holding that both judges were immune since the parents brought the suit against them in their official capacities.
Cite: 2003 U.S. App. LEXIS 23556 (6th Cir. 2003).
Web link: We could not locate this case on the Web.

Indian Child Welfare Act

IN RE H.D.
An Illinois Court of Appeals affirmed the decision of the Circuit Court, holding that the Indian Child Welfare Act was not applicable because there was no information to support that the child was a member of an Indian tribe.
Cite: 797 N.E. 2d 1112 (Ill Ct. App. 2003).
Web link: http://www.state.il.us/court/Opinions/AppellateCourt/2003/4thDistrict/September/Html/4030206.htm

SNK V. STATE
The Supreme Court of Wyoming dismissed an appeal from the District Court of Park County stating that the challenge to the trial court’s decision that the Indian Child Welfare Act did not apply was moot because a subsequent court order granted the tribe the right to continue to participate in the child’s life.
Cite: No. C-03-5, 2003 WL 22479405 (Wyo. Nov. 4, 2003).
Web link: http://courts.state.wy.us/2003opn/2003WY141.pdf

Adoption Procedure

IN RE EDUARDO A.
A California Court of Appeals reversed and vacated as moot the Superior Court of Los Angeles County and concluded that the court did not have jurisdiction over the children.
Cite: No. B166189, 2003 WL 22725361 (Cal. Ct. App. Nov. 20, 2003)
Web link: http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/opinions/nonpub/B166189.DOC

SB V. DEPT. OF CHILDREN AND FAMILY SERVICES
A Florida Court of Appeals reversed and remanded the circuit court’s default entry, concluding that the circuit court had no authority to enter a default in case adjudicating dependency for the child simply because the father arrived late for the hearing.
Cite: No. 2D03-66, 2003 Fla. App. Lexis 16962 (Fla. Ct. App. Nov. 7, 2003).
Web link: http://www.2dca.org/opinion/November%2007,%202003/2D03-66.pdf

Credit: National Center for Adoption Law & Policy
Link: http://www.law.capital.edu/adoption

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5. ADOPTION BOOK CLUB

TWO KINDS OF LOVE: Two Kinds of Love will give both children and adults a heartfelt look at what it's like to be adopted. This book is a tool in reaching the child on a level needed for young readers. It helps answer the often-asked questions of older adopted and biological children, as well as the questions and concerns of the younger child who is not yet able to express them.

For more information on this book, visit More Info.

Find 1,400+ other adoption products at adoptionshop.com.

To share your favorite adoption book with others, join the Adoption Book Club on AdoptionLists.com at http://adoptionlists.com/index.php?action=lists&listname=adoptionbookclub.

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6. THE NATIONAL CENTER FOR ADOPTION LAW & POLICY'S 2003 HOLIDAY CARDS

The National Center for Adoption Law & Policy is proud to present for sale their 2003 Holiday Cards:


The drawings on each of the cards were created by a child in foster care in Franklin County (Columbus), Ohio who is awaiting placement in a permanent adoptive home.


Text inside the cards reads: Season's Greetings

The reverse of each card credits the child artist and acknowledges that purchase of the card provided support for the work of the National Center for Adoption Law & Policy.

Each set of 12 includes THREE of each card.

Cards are only $12.00 per set of 12. All proceeds go to the Center to fund projects that help children find safe, permanent homes & families.

Visit https://secure.law.capital.edu/symposia/index.cfm?sid=137 to order online. Alternatively, orders may be placed by calling Peter Caborn at (614) 236-6537 or by printing & faxing a Paper Order Form to us at 614.236.6958. Visit http://www.law.capital.edu/adoption/card_order_form.pdf to print a Paper Order Form.

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7. MEET NEW HOPEFUL ADOPTIVE PARENTS

Outdated material has been removed. Please visit ParentProfiles.com.

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8. SUCCESSFUL ADOPTION

We've received many calls from wonderful women who saw our profile on ParentProfiles.com. I have recommended your site to everyone I know who is involved in adoption.

Roger & Marisa

If you are hoping to adopt, visit http://Profiles.Adoption.com today to start building your online profile.

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9. FEATURED WAITING CHILD

Saul is a very charming and affectionate teen. He loves to ride his bike and enjoys listening to hiphop music! He gets along very well with adults and teens his age. Saul loves attention. He is in Special Education classes and his favorite classes are art and home economics. Saul has a learning disability. He loves to eat out, and Mexican food is his favorite. Saul is looking forward to being adopted. An ideal family would be one with two parents and children older than him.

Photolisting.Adoption.com is a free community service of Adoption.com featuring more than 1,700 children awaiting loving, permanent homes. Add your agency's waiting children to the most popular adoption website, and help them find loving homes faster. E-mail exchange@adoptablekids.com for info.

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10. ADOPTION GEM

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was:

A four-year-old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

Submit your story, thought, or quote to editor@adoptionmedia.com.

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11. ADOPTION BUZZ

Birthfamily Post Relinquishment: Healing, Recovery, and Success: - A "Thank You" to ALL Birth Mothers
http://forums.adoption.com/t121744.html

Single Parenting: - How Parents and Children Raise Each Other
http://forums.adoption.com/t125255.html

Birthfamily Post Relinquishment: Healing, Recovery, and Success: - Are There Birth Fathers Here?
http://forums.adoption.com/t115353.html

How I Found Out - Stories of Discovery: - How Do I Find Medical Records of Birth Parents?
http://forums.adoption.com/t122150.html

Adoptees Forum: - Anyone Not Want to Be Found?
http://forums.adoption.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=124623

Sealed Records: - Found B/Family in One Day
http://forums.adoption.com/t116669.html

If any of the links above do not work, visit Adoption.com for direct links to these discussions.

For more online adoption discussions, visit Forums.Adoption.com.

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12. ATTACHMENT & BONDING ISSUES

13. ADOPTION SITE SPOTLIGHT

This week, our adoption spotlight is shining on: Scrapbooking.Adoption.com.

Christmas is here, and the new year is right around the corner. If you don't have a scrapbook, this is the perfect time to start working on one.

Browse through our adoption scrapbook and add adoption-related pictures of your own.

For a list of our favorite adoption websites, visit Adoptions.Adoption.com.

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14. ADOPTION DESTINATION

InternationalAdoption.org is the internet's authoritative destination for international adoption. You will find fact sheets, adoption information, travel information, culture and heritage, maps, weather, books, currency exchange rates, periodicals, news and much more for dozens of different countries with active international adoption programs.

This week, the country of focus is Brazil

The languages spoken in Brazil are Portuguese (official), Spanish, English, and French. The ethnic groups are: white (includes Portuguese, German, Italian, Spanish, Polish) 55%, mixed white and black 38%, black 6%, and other (includes Japanese, Arab, Amerindian) 1%.

To learn more about Brazil's government, geography, and communication information, or its history, visit Brazil.Adoption.com.

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15. JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT

HEAVEN SHINING

My 4-year-old and I went out to do some shopping and she saw a spot light. She asked me what that was for, and I explained that it was for shoppers to come to their store.

She said, "Ohhh, I thought it was heaven shining!"

I just wanted to melt.

Contributed by: Stephanie B.

E-mail your humorous story or joke to editor@adoptionmedia.com.

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16. FEATURED ADOPTION PROFESSIONAL

New Beginnings International, Inc.
Tupelo, MS
Toll Free: (800) 264-2229
Phone:(662) 842-6752
Debbievelie@nbi.cc

Free Maternity Center services to birthmothers. Choice of adoptive parents from across U.S. Full services to adoptive couples. Professional domestic and international home study services.

Services: • Adoption Agencies • Home Studies • International Adoption
Countries: • Canada • China • Guatemala • Russia • Ukraine

For more information on New Beginnings International, Inc., visit http://www.nbi.cc/.

Find adoption agencies, attorneys and other adoption professionals at Directory.Adoption.com.

To see your ad here, visit http://directory.adoption.com/upgrade.php.

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17. ADOPTIONSHOP.COM PICK

Hope Bracelet - Only $24.95

The Hope Bracelet is made with pink Swarski crystals, sterling silver beads and a sterling silver message charm that reads "hope" to encourage those waiting to never give up. This bracelet measures approximately 7".

For more information and ordering instructions, visit http://adoptionshop.com/cgi-bin/products/NOL00004.html.

For more adoption products, visit adoptionshop.com.

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18. SOUND COUNSEL

This section is not intended for search advise. It is meant to be an advise column for people with questions concerning their feelings, interested in the opinion of someone who can relate. The views expressed by this author is solely his own, and for which the author is responsible. The content within this column is not to be considered as professional medical, legal or behavioral health information to be used in diagnosis, treatment or actions that would require the consultation and/or services of a licensed, certified or accredited professional. These views do not necessarily represent the views of Adoption Week e-Magazine.

Question:

Dear friend,

I have not seen much written about adoptions that do not work out great. When I had my daughter in 1960, there were ten couples waiting for her. The agency chose the one that already had adopted a child. They thought that because the family had adjusted to one child another would fit in nicely.

However, people lie. The couple who wound up with my baby treated her like a second and substandard child. When she was four years old, the father hit her so hard she hit a wall and was knocked unconscious. The mother decided that was enough and ended the marriage. The father did not want to pay child support because, as he put it, "they are not my children". The mother knew she was being beaten and still took my baby. My daughter was always treated as a servant to the first child (a boy). People lie to get what they want. This is not the only case of adoption I have information on. There are two other cases that have not turned out the way everyone wants to think they will.

All the screening in the world will not turn up liars. Please let people know that adoption is not that wonderful in every case.

Sincerely,

J.R.D.

Answer:

J.R.D.:

I have included your submission in this week's edition because you're right, we don't always focus on both sides of the coin. I agree with you in that all the screening processes in the world can't be 100% accurate 100% of the time. However, I think in the majority of cases things work out very well.

I am extremely sorry to hear that all of this happened to your daughter. You must not blame yourself or the system. You did the right thing, and I think the system had the best intentions as well. As I said above, unfortunately, you cannot catch all of the liars all of the time.

I wish you the best and hope you have a happy holiday season. Please remember that you did the right thing and that none of what happened to your daughter was your fault.

DB

Question:

I am a birthfather that has found my son! I have searched for a few years and got lucky. We have met and it went very well.

My question is, I have kept in contact and had a friendship with the birth mother for over 30 years. When I told her that I had found our son and asked if she wanted to be part of this reunion she said she did not, and that she had put him out of her life when he was given up!

I can't understand this; she no longer will have any conversation or contact with me. What should I do next, and how do I explain this to my son?

FXL

Answer:

FXL:

Congrats on meeting your son. I am extremely happy for you.

It is unfortunate what you tell me about the biological mother. I believe that you should be upfront with your son. Honesty is by far the best policy in reunion, in my opinion. Let someone make their own decisions about the whole situation. Be cautious in the way you explain it, as I am sure you understand that it is never easy to hear something like that.

In regard to the mother, I think maybe some of it has to do with the shock. I cannot tell you if she will change her mind or not, but I think you need to let her know that you're there for her when she is ready. You two have been through so much already; it is a shame you cannot share this wonderfully happy event together. Just don't get mad at her, and respect her feelings. Maybe in time she will be open enough to discuss it with you, and you can let her know how wonderful her son is, etc.

Good luck and happy holidays to you and your family.

DB


BIO:

The author is a 21-year-old adoptee who wants to help those affiliated with the adoption community. Although the author does not have a medical degree, etc., he is simply extending a listening ear and the perspective of a young adult who is involved in the adoption triad.

His opinions are not necessarily those of Adoption.com and are provided voluntarily on a weekly basis.

To submit your questions, e-mail adoptionquestions2003@yahoo.com

In order for your questions/comments to be answered in the next week's issue, questions need to be submitted before 12 noon each Wednesday.

In addition, please remember to keep your questions appropriate for Adoption Week e-Magazine; otherwise, they will not be answered or included in the next week's edition.

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19. SPEAK OUT

I'm in the process of adopting two children. I've discovered that, after 5 months of red tape, the children happen to be family-- they are also located in a different state than me. What are the chances of this happening? Has it ever been reported before? I wouldn't even have to change the children's last name! Just curious...

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I work as a childbirth educator and doula. I am looking for any material available on providing pregnancy and labour support for a mother giving up her child for adoption, and am having trouble finding anything at all. Any suggestions? Any help at all would be appreciated. - Shawna Barber (Oh Baby! Prenatal Education and Doula Services), (250) 489-5473

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Hi Lindsay, I found my bio family by going back to the adoption agency for information. I was able to get my file, which gave me some leads. Using the little information I had, I tracked down my bio mother through Internet searches. I was lucky enough to have my bio mother's last name from the Court Adoption papers that my adoptive parents kept for me. It was a fairly unusual last name and I knew from the file that she had many brothers. I called one of her brothers on my first try! I explained that I was looking for this lady because she had done something really nice for my parents years ago and I wanted to thank her for it. He gave me her number, and we had our first chat that same evening. We have a lovely relationship now, and she is very thankful to her brother for helping us both out. I want to emphasize that I did not tell her brother my (potential) relationship with his sister as I felt that was something she could decide on.

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Hello again, this is Terry L Bauer (birth name Fitzgerald). I'm still in search of my birth father; his name was Terry Thompson from the Houston, TX area. My adoptive father killed my mother and then himself some 8 years ago, and I am desperate to find him before it's too late. I was born in Mississippi County, MO, in a small town called Charleston. My birth date was 7/28/68. Mothers name was Stella Fitzgerald (Bauer). She was in the USAF back in '66 to '68 before she had me and got out. (She was) stationed in MS or TX. Help me in my hope of finding my birth father and any siblings I may have. Thank you in advance; reach me at madddogg@sbcglobal.net. - Terry L. Bauer

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To Joan: Thank you for telling your story. I think we have a huge problem in this country with the way the foster care system is. Too many chances are given to the birthparents to get their children back- therapy, parenting classes, rehab, etc. that by the time the system finally realizes that the birthparents would be unsuitable, the child is too old and nobody wants to adopt him/her. I have adopted 2 children. I've had them since birth, and I am glad that their birthparents made an adoption plan before they were born, even if they did make their decision at the last minute. My children are biracial and both birthmothers had a hard time finding adoptive parents for them - sad to say that in this day in age there still exists such blatant racism. Anyway, you are lucky to have those kids. Consider yourself a very special person. - Lori, Long Island, NY

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I am searching for my 2 brothers: their names at birth were:
1. Patrick Joseph Dixon born July 1963 in Indiana
2. Jack Phillip Dixon born Sept 1965 Born in Michigan
They were adopted in Indianapolis, Indiana. Any help would greatly be appricated. If any one has any information, they can contact me at donutmaker2000@sbcglobal.net. Thank you very much.

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I was born Nov 20, 1974 in Charleston, S.C. Through a lot of red tape, I managed to get my non-identifying information. The agency even sent me a picture of my birth parents. However, my birthmother stayed at the Florence Crittington House till she delivered. I have been stonewalled in my attempts to locate her due to sealed records. One thing I found odd was that my case was discussed with the Attorney General's Office. Is that normal in adoption cases? I have very little money left. What can I do from this point? - Christina

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My birth name was Anna Marie Haigh, and I was born on November 7, 1970 at Westminster Hospital, London. My birth mother's name was Barbara Ann Haigh. She came from a large family and was the 3rd youngest of 8 children. She was aged 22 when I was born. Barbara came to London to stay with a friend during the birth; I understand she never told her family of the pregnancy. I’m looking for my birth mother, as I want to thank her for the hard choice she made and for putting me first. I also have a child and would love to know more about my background and where I cam from. I also need some medical history as my son suffers from asthma and has been sick in (the) hospital several times throughout his young life. I too nearly died from lung complications when I was a baby, so it is important I get some medical history on my birth family. I also have a deep desire to know where I came from and to find my roots. If anyone knows of Barbara or her siblings, please contact me at julesb124@hotmail.com. Thanks.

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To Speak Out and share your opinion or a comment, or to respond to a message, e-mail editor@adoptionmedia.com

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20. ADOPTION POETRY

HOLD ME CLOSE, I SURRENDER

I’m calling,
I’m crying out to You
My pain is still getting to me
Why won’t it go away?
Understanding I asked
Understanding you replied
I know you’ll give it
Help me to wait
I want to give it to you
I want to say good-bye to it all

Here I am at your feet
Come close to me
Here I am at your mercy
Come close to me
I’m surrendering my crushed heart to you
On my knees, at your feet
I surrender it
Take it and don’t let me see it anymore

I gave it
I handed it to you
I stood right by still able to see
That’s why it won’t go away
I need to accept it
To receive it like you
Give me a bit of what you know
Can I understand like you?
Your heart was broken too
Fix mine like you fixed yours

I surrender
Here I am
I surrender
Take my hand
Hold me close
I surrender

- Anonymous
(Re: failed adoption)

For more adoption poetry, visit Poetry.Adoption.com.

Submit your adoption poetry to editor@adoptionmedia.com.

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21. ADOPTION CALENDAR

CHAT SCHEDULE:

Sunday:
Reunion Support Group Chat with Loretta in the Search and Reunion room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern

Monday:
Join Dr. Art Becker-Weidman in the hosted chat room at 2 pm Pacific, 3 pm Mountain, 4 pm Central, 5 pm Eastern and ask him questions on attachment therapy and treating children with trauma-attachment disorders.

Adoptee Chat with Thea in the hosted chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern. Thea is a caring adoptee that has recently reunited with her birthmother.

Tuesday:
Birth mom chat with Angelwings. Angel is a birthmom and adoptee. Her chat is held in the BirthMother.chat room at 4 pm Pacific, 5 pm Mountain, 6 pm Central, 7 pm Eastern

Birth father's General Support Chat in the hosted chat room with adoptee and birthfather, Terry. All are invited at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm central, 9 pm Eastern

Wednesday:
Pre- and adoptive parent chat with JJ and friends - Help as you begin the adoption process. Hosted in Adoptive Parents chat room at 5 pm Pacific, 6 pm Mountain, 7 pm Central, 8 pm Eastern.

Parenting issues for adoptive/foster parents with Dimasmom in FosterCare chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern.

Join an informative chat on the ups and downs of reunion hosted by Sabra since 1997. Talk out your next step and share your experiences in search and reunion at 7 pm Pacific, 8 pm Mountain, 9 pm Central, 10 pm Eastern in the Search and Reunion chat room.

Thursday:
Evening with Colleen Buckner, search expert, in Search and Reunion chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern.

Friday:
If you are having a "limbo" type experience with your reunion, come and talk it over with those who've "been there-done that" themselves. Join co-hosting birth mothers, April and Judy, in the Search and Reunion room on Fridays: 5 pm Pacific, 6 pm Mountain, 7 pm Central, 8 pm Eastern.

Saturday:
Older child adoption/foster care behavioral issues with Jerry in FosterCare chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern.

For a listing of times and descriptions and to attend scheduled chats, or join the live chat, visit Forums.Adoption.com/Chat.

ADOPTION EVENTS:

ABC'S OF INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION
December 9 (6:00 pm - 8:00 pm)
First United Methodist Church at 6701 JFK Blvd, North Little Rock, AR
Dillon International, Inc.
During this free informational meeting, attendees will be given an overview of the process of international adoption, individual country requirements and adoption costs. In addition, they will be given information on waiting children from South Korea, China, India, Ukraine, Vietnam, Haiti, and Guatemala. Please call Kimberly Alls at (501) 791-9300, e-mail DillonArkansas@dillonadopt.com for details, or visit http://www.DillonAdopt.com/Seminars%20and%20Workshops.htm.

ADOPTION INFORMATIONAL MEETING
December 10 (7:00 pm - 8:30 pm)
HOPE Adoption & Family Services, 5850 Omaha Ave. N., Oak Park Heights, Minnesota
HOPE Adoption & Family Services
For residents of Minnesota or northwestern Wisconsin interested in adopting. Free. Registration requested. Call (651) 439-2446, or visit http://www.HopeAdoptionServices.org.

AKRON GENERAL MEETING
December 10 (7:30 pm - 9:30 pm)
Akron General Health and Wellness Center, 4125 Medina Road, Akron, Ohio
Adoption Network Cleveland
Who can attend: Adult adoptees, birthparents, siblings, adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents, professionals and anyone who is interested in lifelong adoption issues. No registration or membership is required to attend.

ADOPTING FROM CHINA - Free Adoption Workshop
December 11 (6:30 pm - 8:00 pm)
Montrose Public Library, 4100 Montrose Blvd., Houston, TX 77006
Great Wall China Adoption
Join us to learn more about adopting from China. We will be on hand to answer your questions about domestic vs. international adoption, the benefits of adopting from China, and give you the opportunity to meet families who have already completed their China adoption dreams! For more information and to register, contact David Godwin at (713)301-7276.

DOWNTOWN CLEVELAND GENERAL MEETING
December 12 (12:00 pm -­ 1:30 pm - Bring lunch if you wish)
Adoption Network Cleveland, 1667 East 40th St. Suite B-1, Cleveland, Ohio
Adoption Network Cleveland
Who can attend: Adult adoptees, birthparents, siblings, adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents, professionals and anyone who is interested in lifelong adoption issues. No registration or membership is required to attend.

ADOPTING FROM CHINA - Free Adoption Workshop
December 13 (10:00 am - 12:00pm)
First Baptist Church of Winter Garden, 125 E. Plant St., Winter Garden, FL 34787
Great Wall China Adoption
Join us to learn more about adopting from China. We will be on hand to answer your questions about domestic vs. international adoption, the benefits of adopting from China, and give you the opportunity to meet families who have already completed their China adoption dreams! For more information and to register, contact Susan Fremer at (352) 666-4853 or sfremer@tampabay.rr.com.

ADOPTING FROM CHINA - Free Adoption Workshop
December 18 (6:00 pm - 8:00 pm)
L.E.R. Schimelpfenig Public Library, 5024 Custer Rd., Plano, TX 75023
Great Wall China Adoption
Join us to learn more about adopting from China. We will be on hand to answer your questions about domestic vs. international adoption, the benefits of adopting from China, and give you the opportunity to meet families who have already completed their China adoption dreams! For more information and to register, contact Diana or Christine at info@gwcadopt.org or call 512.323.9595.

SPECIAL NEEDS GROUP MEETING
December 18 (7:00 pm - 8:30 pm)
McHenry County Mental Health Board Building 620 Dakota Street Crystal Lake, IL 60012 (Dakota Street at Terra Cotta Road; North of Hwy. 176)
Heartstrings Adoption Support
Who can attend: Adult adoptees, siblings, adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents, professionals and anyone who is interested in lifelong adoption issues. No membership required to attend these meetings. Questions? Please call (815) 455-2828, or visit http://www.HeartStringsAdoptionSupport.com.

HEIGHTS AREA GENERAL MEETING - Topic: Loss
December 18 (7:30 pm -­ 9:30 pm)
Unity of Greater Cleveland, 3350 Warrensville Ctr Road, Shaker Heights, Ohio
Adoption Network Cleveland
Who can attend: Adult adoptees, birthparents, siblings, adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents, professionals and anyone who is interested in lifelong adoption issues. No registration or membership is required to attend.

ADOPTING FROM CHINA - Free Adoption Workshop
December 20 (10:00 am - 12:00pm)
Concordia Lutheran Church, 8701 S.W. 124th St., Miami, FL 33176
Great Wall China Adoption
Join us to learn more about adopting from China. We will be on hand to answer your questions about domestic vs. international adoption, the benefits of adopting from China, and give you the opportunity to meet families who have already completed their China adoption dreams! For more information and to register, contact Susan Fremer at (352) 666-4853 or sfremer@tampabay.rr.com.

ADOPTING FROM CHINA - Free Adoption Workshop
December 20 (10:00 am - 12:00pm)
Concordia Lutheran Church, 8701 S.W. 124th St., Miami, FL 33176
Great Wall China Adoption
Join us to learn more about adopting from China. We will be on hand to answer your questions about domestic vs. international adoption, the benefits of adopting from China, and give you the opportunity to meet families who have already completed their China adoption dreams! For more information and to register, contact Susan Fremer at (352) 666-4853 or sfremer@tampabay.rr.com.

For local listings, regional seminars, and many other adoption events, visit Events.Adoption.com.

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