1. Announcements

Adoption.com's New Home Page
Adoption.com is proud to announce the launch of its new home page, including daily news, active discussions, blogs, Adoption Week articles, and more. Check it out at http://www.Adoption.com.

AdoptionShop.com Website Redesigned
Adoption.com has redesigned its Adoption Shop featuring over 1,000 adoption related products. Get free shipping on orders of $49 or more. Products include: books, art, magazines, adoption supplies, scrapbooking, music & other cd's, video & dvd, baby products & much more! Visit it now at http://AdoptionShop.com.

Back to Top

2. Highlighted Articles

The views expressed by the authors are solely their own, and for which the authors are responsible. These views do not necessarily represent the views of Adoption Week e-Magazine.

An Amazing Adoption Story 47 Years Later - new article by Ellen Schreiber
I found out I had 3 half brothers and a half sister! The eighteen-year-old boy cousin came to visit me in California that summer, and I went to Italy to see my birth mother in December of that year, to meet everyone. I had the most wonderful experience of my life. I have always looked at my adoption as a gift given to me of a wonderful with a great family. Yet, my gift to my birth mom was letting her know I was happy and things happened for a reason. My association with my birth family has been continuous - calls every week, and I have been back to Italy again. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=468

Why Search? - new article by Lawrence P. Adams
I have been privileged to get to know some of my extended family and they have added so much to the picture. Through them, pictures and stories have been shared with me. You can only imagine the intense feelings I had when I saw the pictures of my birth parents, great grandparents or other family members or the first time; the feelings when I walked through the homestead my great grandfather built with his own hands 112 years ago; the feelings when sitting with an 89 year old first cousin and hearing stories of my great grandparents, her mother, aunts and uncles or the feelings when being able, at the age of 52, to spend my FIRST CHRISTMAS with family I could call my own. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=469

To Katmandu, with Love: An Adoptive Mom’s Journal X - article by Cynthia Yoder
Although we both believe that things happen in the right time, it hasn’t been easy to decide to wait. Gabriel asks about you. “She will be so cute,” he said today, while climbing out of his car seat. We are all expectant. So why not fill out the dossier papers? We will, and you will come into our lives, and we will feel like you’ve always been with us. But right now we are in a cleansing period. Cleaning out the old – old habits, old ways of seeing, old ways of living – so that when you come into our lives, we will have more space for you. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=470

Long-Lost Family Finally Found - article by Cynthia Taggart
Suzie and her siblings tried searching for their brother, but they didn't know his adopted name. Now, they're praying someone will help them reunite in person. The siblings are sprinkled from coast to coast. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=471

Read these articles at http://Magazine.Adoption.com, and submit your adoption-related articles to editor@adoptionweek.com for publication in Adoption Week e-Magazine and Adoption.com.

By submitting content, you represent that you have the rights to this content and that you give Adoption.com and Adoption Week the right to reprint this content on the Internet, via e-mail, and in print form.

Back to Top

Why pay $20 or more for Internet access? With AdoptionISP.com, you pay as low as $12.95 per month, and $3 of your monthly payment is donated to adoption causes. Adoption ISP is a reliable, full-service, nationwide Internet Service Provider (ISP). Sign up for high-speed or dial-up Internet access, save money, and make a difference at

3. Adoption News

Being that May is National Foster Care Month, there were several news articles with regards to foster parenting and foster children last week. People across the country use this opportunity to show their appreciation for the contribution, love, and support of our foster families and all workers who dedicate their lives to the improvement of children's lives. To read some of these news articles, as well as others, visit News.Adoption.com.

Back to Top

4. Adoption Law & Policy News

May 4, 2004

WEEKLY NEWS SUMMARY

Termination of Parental Rights/Notice

PENNSYLVANIA: “CYF Followed Adoption Rules But Father Fighting Result” - by Barbara White-Stack
A father of a six-year-old girl visited his daughter regularly when she lived with her grandparents, confirmed his paternity through testing, and paid regular child support. However, three years ago, the girl’s mother relinquished her parental rights and didn’t name him as the father. The grandparents adopted the child and, according to the father, took cash payments from him in exchange for visits with the girl. At the time of the termination, CYF followed procedure with respect to searching for an unknown father, through an advertisement posting. However, the father never saw the ad; he has trouble reading due to dyslexia and notes that these ads are not commonly read. The grandparents never mentioned the father throughout the adoption process. The father notes that in some states, a mother’s failure to disclose potential fathers in adoption proceedings is a felony. However, Pennsylvania does not have such a law. A hearing with the father is scheduled for June.
Post-Gazette, Sunday, May 2, 2004
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/04123/309930.stm

Tax Issues in Adoption

MISSOURI: “Bill Would End Limits for Adoption Tax Credits” - by Matt Franck
A bill by state Representative Catherine Hanaway proposes changes to the tax credits for families who adopt special needs children. Two important provisions of the changes include: lifting the $2 million spending cap, and allowing redemption of the whole credit in one year. The bill would extend benefits to all eligible adoptive parents rather than turning 960 of them away as it did last year. In the current program, the $10,000 credit typically is distributed in installments over the course of five years. Parents who need the full sum in order to pay for their adoptions were permitted to sell their credit to a lender. The bill would obviate the need for this cumbersome process. Critics of the bill note that the special needs kids for whom this credit was intended to benefit are not necessarily the children who are receiving the benefit. A recent audit shows that 90% of the credits have gone to families adopting internationally. Proponents note that the purpose of the bill is to eliminate the competition among adoptive families for the credit. Furthermore, international adoptions tend to be more expensive than those done out of foster care, so that the benefit is appropriate for families adopting overseas.
St. Louis Post Dispatch, Sunday, May 2, 2004
http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/News/St.+Louis+City+/+County/E1B7
1D1287F522C586256E8900212388?OpenDocument&Headline=Bill+would+end+limits+for+adoption+tax+credits+

International Adoption

INTERNATIONAL: Opinion: “Romania: Let Your Children Go”
- by Richard L. Armitage
The Deputy Secretary of State calls on Romania to refrain from passing a new law which will prohibit overseas adoption of Romanian children. On April 15, the Romanian Senate approved the new law which now awaits approval by the Romanian Chamber of Deputies. Mr. Armitage recalls the fall of communism in Romania and the subsequent discovery of terrible conditions in which Romanian orphans lived. With American and United Nations assistance, those institutions have improved. Armitage warns that the closure of overseas adoptions is likely to render the orphanages to be more permanent than a ‘way station’.
International Herald Tribune, Friday April 23, 2004
http://www.iht.com/articles/516665.html

HAITI: “Adoption Nightmare Eases”
- by Brian Donohue
After the coup and departure of Haitian adoption officials six weeks ago, over 100 U.S. couples feared their adoptions would be permanently halted. However, with an appointment of a new adoption official by the new Haitian government last week, some stalled adoptions were recently finalized. In addition to the Haitian official, the U.S. State Department has returned staff to the U.S. consulate in Haiti which will also contribute to the continuation of adoption proceedings.
The Star Ledger, Tuesday, April 20, 2004
http://www.nj.com/news/ledger/jersey/index.ssf?/base/news-6/108244270572980.xml

WEEKLY CASE SUMMARY

Significant Cases

Termination of Parental Rights – Process

OHIO: In re Williams
The Ohio Supreme Court affirmed the lower court’s judgment on the certified issue of whether children who are the subject of a motion to terminate parental rights are “parties” to that proceeding for the purposes of Juv.R. 4(A) and R.C. 2151.352, requiring the appointment of counsel. The Court determined that a child who is the subject of a juvenile court proceeding to terminate parental rights is a party to that proceeding and, therefore, is entitled to independent counsel in certain circumstances.
Cite: 805 N.E. 2d 1110 (Ohio 2004)(April 14, 2004)
http://www.sconet.state.oh.us/rod/documents/0/2004/2004-ohio-1500.doc

Adoption Procedure/Representation of Parties

NEW YORK: In re Gustavo G
The Supreme Court of New York reversed the family court’s order dismissing the maternal grandmother’s adoption petition based upon the family court’s disqualification of the maternal grandmother’s counsel. The court concluded that the family court improperly applied an unjustified per se disqualification rule and that the record clearly showed that the proposed adoption was in the child’s best interests. The court remanded the matter with the direction to complete the adoption process.
Cite: No. 1514, 2004 Ny App. Div. Lexis 4772 (NY App. Div. Apr. 22, 2004)
Web link: http://www.courts.state.ny.us/reporter/3dseries/2004/2004_03037.htm

Wrongful Adoption

SOUTH CAROLINA: Bergstrom v. Palmetto Health Alliance
The Supreme Court of South Carolina affirmed in part and vacated in part the court of appeal’s decision affirming the trial court’s dismissal of daughter’s claim for intentional infliction of emotional distress and directed verdict on daughter’s negligence claim against hospital for allegedly failing to follow its adoption policies. The court concluded that, because it had declared S.C. Code Ann. § 44-7-50 unconstitutional, the daughter was required to prove that the hospital acted recklessly not simply negligent and that the daughter had not met the requisite burden of production of evidence. The daughter’s action for intentional infliction of emotional distress failed for similar reasons. The court, however, concluded it was unnecessary to address the issues of duty or proximate cause and, therefore, vacated those portions of the court of appeals’ decision.
Cite: No. 25807, 2004 WL 834095 (S.C. Apr. 19, 2004)
http://www.judicial.state.sc.us/opinions/displayOpinion.cfm?caseNo=25807

Other Cases of Interest

Termination of Parental Rights/Appeals of Orders of Termination
Federal Law/Indian Child Welfare Act (“ICWA”)

CALIFORNIA: In re Christian A.
The California Court of Appeals affirmed a lower court’s order terminating parental rights, concluding that the court did not abuse its discretion in refusing to relieve a father of trial counsel and that ICWA notice requirements are met when the only error is not prejudicial and the birth mother does not contest the information the tribes received regarding maternal grandparents.
Cite: No. B168619, WL 844046 (Cal. App. Apr. 21, 2004)
Web link: http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/opinions/nonpub/B168619.DOC

Termination of Parental Rights/Appeals of Orders of Termination

MINNESOTA: In re R.W.
The Supreme Court of Minnesota affirmed the court of appeals’ decision affirming the district court’s judgment terminating the mother’s parental rights. The Court concluded that the court of appeals erred in affirming termination based solely on the best interests of the children, but nonetheless affirmed the termination of the mother’s parental rights, concluding that the district court’s order terminating parental rights was based on clear and convincing evidence that statutory grounds for termination were met and that termination was in the best interests of the children.
Cite: No. A03-262, 2004 Minn Lexis 200 (Minn. April 22, 2004)
Web link: http://www.lawlibrary.state.mn.us/archive/supct/0404/opa030262-0422.htm

Termination of Parental Rights – Process

TENNESSEE: In re M.E.W.
The Tennessee Court of Appeals vacated and remanded a lower court’s order denying the Department of Children’s Services’ petition to terminate parental rights that was based on the mental incapacity of a mother who had continued to have a relationship with her children who had been in the same foster home for over seven years. The Court concluded that the lower court had failed to make specific findings of fact and conclusions of law regarding the children’s best interests as required by a relevant state statue and that stipulations entered into by the parties could not replace an individualized, specific finding of the children’s best interests.
Cite: No. M2003-01739-COA-R3-PT, 2004 Tenn. App. LEXIS 250 (Tenn. Ct. App. Apr. 21, 2004).
Web link: http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/data2/tennesseestatecases/appeals/2004_2/mew.pdf

Termination of Parental Rights/Appeals of Orders of Termination

MONTANA: In re J.G.
The Supreme Court of Montana affirmed the lower court’s order terminating the mother’s parental rights and awarding custody of the children to the Department of Public Health and Human Services with the right to consent to adoption, concluding that the mother did not successfully comply with her treatment plan, that her condition was unlikely to change within a reasonable amount of time, and that termination was in the children’s best interests.
Cite: No. 03-146, 2004 WL 856779 (MT Apr. 20, 2004)
Web link: http://www.lawlibrary.state.mt.us/dscgi/ds.py/Get/File-30141/03-146.doc

Termination of Parental Rights – Process

CONNECTICUT: In re Samantha C.
The Connecticut Supreme Court reversed the trial court’s order terminating the Respondent’s parental rights as a result of the adverse inference drawn from the Practice Book, 2001 §34-1(f) which allowed a parent to remain silent and avoid compelled testimony which might incriminate him/her in any criminal matter. The Court opined that the trial court was incorrect in inferring from Respondents’ silence that they were “continuing their volatile relationship and are unable to care for their Samantha’s needs,” and, therefore, terminating Respondents’ parental rights. The Supreme Court held that the Respondents’ parental rights should not have been terminated, without notice, based solely on their failure to testify on their own behalf in a termination of parental rights proceeding.
Cite: SC 1689, 2004 Conn. LEXIS 167 (April 27, 2004)
Web link: http://www.jud.state.ct.us/external/supapp/Cases/AROcr/CR268/268cr66.pdf

Termination of Parental Rights/Notice Rights

INDIANA: Hancock v. Clay County Div. Of Family and Children
The Indiana Court of Appeals affirmed the trial court’s order terminating the natural father’s parental rights, holding that removal was in the children’s best interest, the lack of the father’s signature on the case plan did not amount to a procedural violation, the trial court’s failure to secure the father’s presence at the termination hearing did not violate his due process rights since he had notice and failed to request transportation from prison, and the evidence supported the lower court’s finding that conditions in the home which lead to the children’s removal would not be promptly remedied.
Cite: No. 11A05-0401-JV-23, 2004 Ind. App. LEXIS 747(April 27, 2004)
Web link: http://www.state.in.us/judiciary/opinions/archive/04270403.par.html

Credit: National Center for Adoption Law & Policy
Link: http://www.law.capital.edu/adoption

Back to Top

5. Children's Bureau Express

May 2004 Edition Alert

Special Section: May is National Foster Care Month

May is National Foster Care Month
http://cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov/articles.cfm?article_id=806&ref=htmlEml

Foster Youth Receive Some, Not All, Independent Living Services They Need
http://cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov/articles.cfm?article_id=814&ref=htmlEml

Overcoming Educational Barriers for Children in Foster Care
http://cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov/articles.cfm?article_id=807&ref=htmlEml

Research

Relationship Between TANF Time Limits and Child Welfare Involvement
http://cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov/articles.cfm?article_id=815&ref=htmlEml

Factors Influencing Outcomes of Contact With Birth Relatives
http://cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov/articles.cfm?article_id=818&ref=htmlEml

Promising Practices

Federal Law No Barrier to Integrating Social Services
http://cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov/articles.cfm?article_id=808&ref=htmlEml

Treating Fathers Who Maltreat
http://cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov/articles.cfm?article_id=809&ref=htmlEml

Shared Family Care
http://cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov/articles.cfm?article_id=816&ref=htmlEml

News You Can Use

Publications
http://cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov/articles.cfm?article_id=812&ref=htmlEml

Funding
http://cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov/articles.cfm?article_id=817&ref=htmlEml

Training
http://cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov/articles.cfm?article_id=811&ref=htmlEml

Conferences
http://cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov/articles.cfm?article_id=810&ref=htmlEml

Spotlight on the National Resource Centers

News and Notices from the Children's Bureau Training and Technical Assistance Network
http://cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov/articles.cfm?article_id=813&ref=htmlEml

Credit: Children's Bureau Express
Link: http://cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov/index.cfm

Back to Top

6. ADOPTION BOOK CLUB

Practical Guide to Adoption Subsidies e-Book
The Subsidy Guidebook is written for adoptive parents, attorneys and the friends of adopted children. It attempts to provide readers with a map through each phase of the federal Title IV-E adoption assistance program: eligibility; the amount and types of assistance; appealing agencies decisions and applying for assistance after the adoption is finalized.

For more information on this book, visit http://adoptionshop.com/cgi-bin/products/ADP02653.html.

Find 1,000+ other adoption products at adoptionshop.com.

To share your favorite adoption book with others, join the Adoption Book Club on AdoptionLists.com at http://adoptionlists.com/index.php?action=lists&listname=adoptionbookclub.

Back to Top

7. Meet New Hopeful Adoptive Parents

Matt & Jenny (CA)
We're Matt, Jenny and Jake from Northern California. Giggles...tickles...love...joy all fill our home, thanks to our son Jake - adopted through the miracle of open adoption. Please double our joy by helping us add a second child to our family. To view Matt and Jenny's profile, visit http://www.parentprofiles.com/profiles/db288.html.

Larry & Kathy (AZ)
From your heart into our arms! We long to cherish your baby and surround this precious baby with endless love and a future filled with all of life's blessings. To view Larry and Kathy's profile, visit http://www.parentprofiles.com/profiles/db4682.html.

Chris & Penny (CA)
We are a stable, fun-loving couple who have created a wonderful life for a child. We love each other and value adventure - hiking, biking, camping, traveling, exploring, time together, education, joy, laughter, friends, and long to share it with a child. To view Chris and Penny's profile, visit http://www.parentprofiles.com/profiles/db12015.html.

John & Laura (IL)
Wherever you go, whatever you do, you will never invent anything better than a family." (Paul Gaugin) We love bumpy wagon rides, milk shakes and dancing to '80's music! We are so excited to see our family grow in size and love! To view John and Laura's profile, visit http://www.parentprofiles.com/profiles/db10447.html.

John & Cheryl (GA)
We know that the decision you face is not an easy one to make and we respect your interest in open adoption. Open adoption is appealing to us because it gives all of us a chance to create our own version of a family. To view John and Cheryl's profile, visit http://www.parentprofiles.com/profiles/db10529.html.

Are you pregnant? Visit ParentProfiles.com (a service of Adoption Profiles, LLC) to find the right adoptive parents for your baby.

Back to Top

8. Featured Waiting Child

Rachel is fourteen years old, and Sharey is six and a half years old. The girls are bonded and both desire to be placed together. Rachel enjoys soccer, clarinet, and riding horses. Rachel is in the sixth grade and receives special education. Sharey is an outgoing, friendly child who enjoys gymnastics, piano and dancing. Sharey is in first grade and also receives special education. Rachel and Sharey are both in therapy to address issues of past neglect. Sharey takes medication for hyperactivity. Rachel does not take medications. An ideal family would be a family experienced in working with children with Reactive Attachment Disorder.

For more information on Rachel and Sharey, visit http://photolisting.adoption.com/13419.html.

Photolisting.Adoption.com is a free community service of Adoption.com featuring more than 1,700 children awaiting loving, permanent homes. Add your agency's waiting children to the most popular adoption website, and help them find loving homes faster. E-mail exchange@adoptablekids.com for info.

Back to Top

9. Adoption Gem

10. Adoption Buzz

Birthmother Support: - A Day in the Life of a Soon-to-be Birth Mom!
http://forums.adoption.com/t144876.html

Making Contact: - Need Advice on Siblings
http://forums.adoption.com/t142767.html

Step Parent Adoption: - Changing Child's Name w/o Step Parent Adoption
http://forums.adoption.com/t147196.html

Frozen Embryo Transfers (FET): - Advice for Embryo Adoption
http://forums.adoption.com/t113184.html

Blended Families: - Do You Have Your Spouses Children to Help Raise?
http://forums.adoption.com/t96967.html

If any of the links above do not work, visit Adoption.com for direct links to these discussions.

For more online adoption discussions, visit Forums.Adoption.com.

Back to Top

11. Adoption Site Spotlight

This week, our adoption spotlight is shining on: E-cards.Adoption.com

Sending a free virtual card at E-cards.Adoption.com is easy! Instructions are available. Once the card is sent, the recipient will receive an e-mail with a hyperlink that can be clicked on to view the virtual card you sent. Visit E-cards.Adoption.com to create and send your virtual card today.

For a list of our favorite adoption websites, visit Adoptions.Adoption.com.

Back to Top

12. Adoption Destination

InternationalAdoption.org is the Internet's authoritative destination for international adoption. You will find fact sheets, adoption information, travel information, culture and heritage, maps, weather, books, currency exchange rates, periodicals, news and much more for dozens of different countries with active international adoption programs.

This week, the country of focus is Guatemala.


There are two ways to adopt a child in Guatemala. The first is through a notarial process using an attorney (private adoption/extrajudicial process); the second is through the courts using a Guatemalan Government-recognized adoption agency or orphanage in Guatemala (public adoption/judicial process).

To learn more about Guatemala's government, geography, and communication information, or its history, visit http://Guatemala.Adoption.com.

Read Guatemala adoption-related articles at http://library.adoption.com/information/Guatemala/64/1.html.

To chat with parents who have adopted or are considering adopting from Guatemala, visit http://forums.adoption.com/f19.html.

Back to Top

13. Just For The Fun Of It

"Which Arm?"

When our four-year-old foster daughter, Cecily, moved in, she was not up-to-date on her immunizations. I took her to the doctor, who said she would need five shots.

Cecily tried to be brave, but after two shots in each arm, she was crying loudly and refused to let the doctor give her the fifth shot.

"Just one more," I coaxed. "You can pick whichever arm you want. Which arm do you want the shot in?"

Cecily immediately stopped crying, looked me in the eye and said, "Yours."

Contributed by: Kate Emburg

E-mail your humorous story or joke to editor@adoptionweek.com.

Back to Top

14. Featured Adoption Professional

Northshore Process Service
Evanston, IL
Phone: (847) 373-8972
Contact: Tom Humphries
nps@lawyer.com

Nationwide Process Serving, Investigative and Skip Tracing Firm.

Services: • Private Detectives
Countries: • Australia/New Zealand • Belize • Brazil • Canada • Chile • Colombia • Costa Rica • Dominican Republic • El Salvador • Guatemala • Honduras • Japan • Mexico • Nicaragua • Panama • Paraguay • Peru • United Kingdom

For more information on Northshore Process Service, visit http://firms.findlaw.com/srsr.

Find adoption agencies, attorneys and other adoption professionals at Directory.Adoption.com.

To see your ad here, visit http://directory.adoption.com/upgrade.php.

Back to Top

15. AdoptionShop.com Pick

Children First Enamel Pins - Only $6.00
Wear your commitment to children on your sleeve or anywhere you choose with this colorful 1 1/2" x 3/4" pin. Looks great on jacket lapels, shirt collars, hats - you name it! Order a bunch and give them to staff members for a job well-done or as thank you gifts for your organization's valued volunteers.

For more information on this book, visit http://adoptionshop.com/cgi-bin/products/ADP00090.html.

For more adoption products, visit adoptionshop.com.

Back to Top

16. Counsel From An Adoptee And A Birth Mother

This section is not intended for search advice. It is meant to be an advice column for people with questions concerning their feelings, interested in the opinion of someone who can relate. The views expressed by this author is solely his own, and for which the author is responsible. The content within this column is not to be considered as professional medical, legal or behavioral health information to be used in diagnosis, treatment or actions that would require the consultation and/or services of a licensed, certified or accredited professional. These views do not necessarily represent the views of Adoption Week e-Magazine.

Question:

Dear Jan,

I hope you never get another e-mail like this. I am a birth mom. I placed my son up for adoption in 1964. I started looking for him 2 years ago, only to find out he died in an accident in 1998. I just do not know where to place my grief. There is a terrible hole in my heart. I spoke briefly with his brother and father. It appears he had a wonderful family. I am very grateful to them; however, there is no one who can understand how I feel. His birth father died 2 years ago, which is what prompted me to look for him. I wanted him to know who his birth father was. Have you heard of a similar situation? What are your thoughts? Thank you for your time, Geri

Jan's Response: Dear Geri, Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your son. I can hardly imagine how devastating the news must have been for you. Yes, I have heard of others who have found a birth relative no longer living at the end of their search, though I do not know any personally. If you have the resources, I would first look for a counselor or therapist, or maybe even a group which deals in working on grief and loss. I think you need to allow yourself to grieve and feel the loss before you can heal. Because it will be profoundly painful though, I think a really skilled therapist could be very beneficial. A therapist who specializes in adoption would be ideal. My next suggestion would be to try to connect with others who have had a similar experience in finding a deceased birth relative at the end of their search. Try posting on one of the message boards on Adoption.com to connect with others who face a similar challenge. Being in contact with someone with a comparable situation can sometimes be quite helpful. Would it give you some comfort to contribute in some way in your son's memory? Depending on your available resources, you could donate an adoption-related book to your local library, flowers at your church in his memory, or maybe a donation to some adoption reunion group. One last suggestion would be to find some type of volunteer work that could help you feel better. If you feel that adoption needs some change, it might really help you to become active in working to make adoption a better experience for all. Open records is an issue that might be of interest to you. Good luck! Jan

DB's Response: I, too, extend my deepest sympathy to you for your loss. I have heard of people who have found themselves in similar situations, but like Jan, I have not known any personally. My advice is to seek counseling or therapy. There are licensed professionals who can help people who are victims of such extreme loss. It always helps to talk things out, especially when the person you are talking to is a professional who can give you solid advice. I honestly cannot pretend for a moment to know what you are feeling or how to deal with those feelings. Until you can find a professional, I agree with Jan that you should look in your community to find a group that you can relate to. Whether you find that community by Adoption.com, or the local news bulletin at your church, it doesn't matter. Just finding people who can relate will help. Good luck to you, and God bless. Just remember that everything in life is circular, and this hard time for your now will be followed by times of happiness soon. DB

Bio:

The author is a 21-year-old adoptee who wants to help those affiliated with the adoption community. Although the author does not have a medical degree, etc., he is simply extending a listening ear and the perspective of a young adult who is involved in the adoption triad.

Jan is a reunited mother of a 34-year-old son who was relinquished at birth. She also has a daughter and a son whom she raised and is a proud grandmother of three. Jan has no counseling credentials or training, but offers her opinions based on her role as an active member of the adoption community.

Their opinions are not necessarily those of Adoption.com and are provided voluntarily on a weekly basis.

To submit your questions to DB, e-mail adoptionquestions2003@yahoo.com

To submit your questions to Jan, e-mail janb91024@yahoo.com

In order for your questions/comments to be answered in the next week's issue, questions need to be submitted before 12 noon each Wednesday.

In addition, please remember to keep your questions appropriate for Adoption Week e-Magazine; otherwise, they will not be answered or included in the next week's edition.

Back to Top

17. Speak Out

After giving my baby girl up for adoption in 1968 at the age of 19, I mourned the loss of her, yet I knew it was in her interest to have a mother, father and a secure family. I was blessed to meet her in 1997, when she began a search of her own at the age of 29. She had married one year previously and started to feel a desire to know her background beyond the generalities provided by the adoption agency. I had registered in the early 80's with a free unification agency. I was an adopted child as well as a birth parent and registered to try and find both of my birth parents, as well as the baby I had relinquished. I have never been able to meet my own birth parents, but have been richly blessed to meet my daughter, her adoptive family, husband, his family and continue to have a relationship with them. She has gotten to know her younger half sister. She has been here to visit us, and we have been out to visit her. I just wanted to share a wonderful story where things have worked well. She was adopted by wonderful people, had a very good home, normal sibling relationships, and now has a terrific husband. I am very proud to know her. - Sandie, Arizona

---------------------------------

I have a question for readers: We have 3 adopted children under the age of 6. We are considering adopting older children than them. I could use insight from those who have been there. Is it a good choice to adopt out of birth order...and older children?
- C.R.

---------------------------------

David And Salley Fiske: Congratulations! My brother is now 37, and I am 40; we're both overseas adoptions. I guess we had the benefit of my mom's experience as an adoption social worker as far as we were concerned, but they went through the works regardless of her position, and to tell you the truth, it was never an issue for either one of us. We always knew, although we don't remember a sit down conversation. When I was older, my mom told me that whenever we asked questions they would answer in a way that was understandable for us at our age. When we got older, they brought up helping to search if we chose, which we didn't because we were so content and fulfilled. However, when questions arose about feelings, they were happy to help or discuss. It seems to me as though you take it as it comes. Too much info can be scary and confusing. Children are smart and free enough to ask a question when they are struggling or curious, so take it slow. You are not being dishonest because you don't give full disclosure. A little bit at a time, when it is warranted, and continual support and love will make for a well adjusted and grateful adopted child who doesn't feel different! If I can be of any help, please feel free to e-mail me. Good-Luck! You will all be fine. - Maureen (MaureenCuddie@aol.com)

---------------------------------

This is in response to EMcD: I too am an addicted adoptee. I do not know why, but it may be genetic. My boyfriend is also adopted and a recovering (5 years clean) addict. The difference between us is he knew all his life that he was adopted, and I only recently found out that I was adopted. - Name withheld

---------------------------------

This is in response to EMcD concerning the 12 adoptees all being alcoholics and others addicted in one way or another. Firstly, I guarantee you will start quite a riot with your comment, although I am sure you know that. Hopefully someone can reply with an educated explanation to help you answer your question about adopted persons. I take it these persons are not your friends or you might have an inkling of intuition that they may be dealing with extremely painful issues internally. I am not sure if there is any worth in the following words to you, but just in case. I am an adopted individual who proceeded to get the luck of the draw in losing my adopted father traumatically at 5 and my adopted mother traumatically at 7, moving with an ill-fitted third parental party, becoming the last remaining namesake to a family that I have no blood ties to whatsoever. I could fill pages and days with hundreds of other cards played that I didn't expect or ask for - but life is not easy for most people. I don't think it is any wonder that there is a tendency for anyone with emotional pain to seek solace in a bottle, pill, or whatever. If only everyone could be lucky enough to be born into a stable life and have support where and when it is needed. I suggest you introduce these 12 adopted people to each other, at least. Just wanted to hear my voice, and hope you do too. Signed, someone battle scarred by pain and addiction, still searching and still trucking along, with far too little help from people who don't try to understand - but all the love in the world from those that put forth the effort. - H.S.

---------------------------------

This is a response to Nebraska Gal- The nurse that wrote to you, Michelle Gnagey, is correct. Help your friend find an agency to help her find a great home for her baby. Nebraska Children's Home Society is a wonderful place. They will help with all expenses, counsel and help her find the home that she wants for her child. They are very good at helping find the family that she is looking for; plus, they are very much into open adoption, so she could have contact with family and child. We adopted our daughter through them, and they were terrific! I don't know if I'm suppose to place agency info. here, but I have their phone number, and you can contact me, or their number is usually under "Adoption" in the yellow pages of the phonebook. Good luck to your friend. She is lucky to have you as her friend. - kossefarms@hotmail.com

---------------------------------

Response to Jude (Carol Lea Quinn): While it does sound as if there were definite birth family problems i.e., you and your brother being placed for adoption, the other child left with grandparents, the word abandoned in legal papers does not mean you were just left. It's a legal term meaning you were without support. I hate it when people zero in on that term because it appears in so many adoption papers and leaves people with the wrong idea. Obviously, for whatever their reason of breaking up the family, your birth parents tried to place you in a good home as they did their other child. I don't know whether they succeeded or not, but I do know you were not abandoned in the sense that we usually use that word. Hope this helps. - J

---------------------------------

To EMcD, who says that all the adopted people he/she knows are alcoholics or drug addicts: well, I'm sure there will be many responses debunking this, but I'll add mine. I have a number of very close adopted friends who are not alcoholics or drug addicts of any kind. I don't know where this idea comes from. I do, on the other hand, have numerous biological relatives who are alcoholics. I think if you look at biological relations amongst people, you'll see the rates are about the same. Maybe you just know a lot of alcoholics. - JAM

---------------------------------

To Speak Out and share your opinion or a comment, or to respond to a message, e-mail editor@adoptionweek.com

Back to Top

18. Adoption Poetry

19. Adoption Calendar

Chat Schedule:

Sunday:
Reunion Support Group Chat with Loretta in the Search and Reunion room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern

Monday:
Join Dr. Art Becker-Weidman in the hosted chat room at 2 pm Pacific, 3 pm Mountain, 4 pm Central, 5 pm Eastern and ask him questions on attachment therapy and treating children with trauma-attachment disorders.

Adoptee Chat with Thea in the hosted chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern. Thea is a caring adoptee that has recently reunited with her birth mother.

Tuesday:
Birth mom chat with Angelwings. Angel is a birthmom and adoptee. Her chat is held in the BirthMother.chat room at 4 pm Pacific, 5 pm Mountain, 6 pm Central, 7 pm Eastern

Birth father's General Support Chat in the hosted chat room with adoptee and birth father, Terry. All are invited at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm central, 9 pm Eastern

Wednesday:
Pre- and adoptive parent chat with JJ and friends - Help as you begin the adoption process. Hosted in Adoptive Parents chat room at 5 pm Pacific, 6 pm Mountain, 7 pm Central, 8 pm Eastern.

Parenting issues for adoptive/foster parents with Dimasmom in FosterCare chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern.

Thursday:
Evening with Colleen Buckner, search expert, in Search and Reunion chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern.

Friday:
If you are having a "limbo" type experience with your reunion, come and talk it over with those who've "been there-done that" themselves. Join co-hosting birth mothers, April and Judy, in the Search and Reunion room on Fridays: 5 pm Pacific, 6 pm Mountain, 7 pm Central, 8 pm Eastern.

Saturday:
Older child adoption/foster care behavioral issues with Jerry in FosterCare chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern.

For a listing of times and descriptions and to attend scheduled chats, or join the live chat, visit Forums.Adoption.com/Chat.

Adoption Events:

Abc's of International Adoption
May 11 (6:00 pm - 8:00 pm)
First United Methodist Church, 6701 JFK Blvd, North Little Rock, AR
Dillon International, Inc.
During this free informational meeting, attendees will be given an overview of the process of international adoption, individual country requirements and adoption costs. In addition, they will be given information on waiting children from South Korea, China, India, Ukraine, Vietnam, Haiti, and Guatemala. Please call Kimberly Alls at (501) 791-9300, e-mail DillonArkansas@dillonadopt.com, or visit http://www.dillonadopt.com/adoption%20workshops.htm.

China Adoption Information Meeting
May 11 (6:30 pm - 7:30 pm)
Dillon International office, 3227 E. 31st Street, Tulsa, OK
Dillon International, Inc.
During this free informational meeting, attendees will be given an overview of the process of international adoption, adoption from China costs and requirements as well as information on waiting children. Please call Esther at (918) 749-4600, e-mail info@dillonadopt.com, or visit http://www.dillonadopt.com/adoption%20workshops.htm.

Fertility Teleconference - Take Control of Your Fertility Health
May 11 (8:00 pm - 9:00 pm EST)
Fertility LifeLinesTM
Presenter: Alice Domar, PhD, author of "Conquering Infertility: Dr. Alice Domar's Mind/Body Guide to Enhancing Fertility and Coping With Infertility"
To kick off the launch of the support center, there will be three national teleconferences taking place the week following Mother's Day. These teleconferences will help infertility patients get answers to their questions about fertility health and will introduce them to a new network of support. During the teleconferences, a group of nationally recognized experts will offer practical tips for dealing with infertility and answers to pre-submitted caller questions. Moderated by the American Infertility Association. Registration begins on April 23 and is available through May 9 by calling Fertility LifeLines(tm) toll-free at 1-866-LETS-TRY (1-866-538-7879).

Adoption from China - Free Information Meeting
May 12 (6:30 - 8:30 pm)
Coral Reef Public Library, 9211 Coral Reef Dr., Miami, FL 33157
Great Wall China Adoption
Meet families who have returned from China and hear from them, first hand, about their experiences. For more information or to register, contact Pam Eidson at (904) 221-6068, e-mail eidson91@yahoo.com, or visit http://www.gwcadopt.org/gwca_near_you.htm for a complete listing of Great Wall events.

Fertility Teleconference - A Couple's Guide to Coping with Infertility
May 12 (8:00 pm - 9:00 pm EST)
Fertility LifeLinesTM
Presenter: Leila Kenzel, co-founder of FertilityLA and former actress on "Mad About You"
To kick off the launch of the support center, there will be three national teleconferences taking place the week following Mother's Day. These teleconferences will help infertility patients get answers to their questions about fertility health and will introduce them to a new network of support. During the teleconferences, a group of nationally recognized experts will offer practical tips for dealing with infertility and answers to pre-submitted caller questions. Moderated by the American Infertility Association. Registration begins on April 23 and is available through May 9 by calling Fertility LifeLines(tm) toll-free at 1-866-LETS-TRY (1-866-538-7879).

Adoption from China - Free Information Meeting
May 13 (6:30 - 8:30 pm)
Church on the Rock, side building, 6401 Bandera Rd., San Antonio, TX 78238
Great Wall China Adoption
Meet families who have returned from China and hear from them, first hand, about their experiences. For more information or to register, contact Mara Hudock at (210) 822-5445, e-mail marahudock@juno.com, or visit http://www.gwcadopt.org/gwca_near_you.htm for a complete listing of Great Wall events.

Emotional and Physical Care of Newly Adopted Children
May 15 (9:00 am - 12:00 pm)
Dillon International office, 3227 E. 31st Street, Tulsa, OK
Dillon International, Inc.
Join social worker Rebecca Hackworth and nurse Susan Glynn for information on physical care of child, attachment, bonding, how to handle questions and discipline. Information covered includes eating and sleeping habits, good things to take on the trip to receive your child, what to have in place when your child arrives and what not to listen to your doctor and mother-in-law about. This seminar includes donuts and coffee but facilities do not provide childcare. For cost info and to register, contact Esther at Rebecca@dillonadopt.com, Alice@dillonadopt.com, or call (918) 749-4600.

Adoption from China - Free Information Meeting
May 15 (10:00 am - 12:00 pm)
The Westin Princeton at Forrestal Village, 201 Village Blvd., Princeton, NJ 08540
Great Wall China Adoption
Meet families who have returned from China and hear from them, first hand, about their experiences. For more information or to register, contact Diana Prause at (888) GW-FAMILY, e-mail diana@gwcadopt.org, or visit http://www.gwcadopt.org/gwca_near_you.htm for a complete listing of Great Wall events.

Adoption from China - Free Information Meeting
May 15 (10:30 am - 12:30 pm)
Austin Public Library-Howson Branch, 2500 Exposition Blvd., Austin, TX 78703
Great Wall China Adoption
Meet families who have returned from China and hear from them, first hand, about their experiences. For more information or to register, contact Diana Prause at (888) GW-FAMILY, e-mail diana@gwcadopt.org, or visit http://www.gwcadopt.org/gwca_near_you.htm for a complete listing of Great Wall events.

Adoption from China - Free Information Meeting
May 15 (10:30 am - 12:30 pm)
Laurel/Jones County Library, 530 Commerce St., Laurel, MS 39440
Great Wall China Adoption
Meet families who have returned from China and hear from them, first hand, about their experiences. For more information or to register, contact Becky Rambin at (601) 649-9050, e-mail lmsram@msn.com, or visit http://www.gwcadopt.org/gwca_near_you.htm for a complete listing of Great Wall events.

Adoption from China - Free Information Meeting
May 15 (10:30 am - 1:30 pm)
Burnsville Public Library, 1101 W. County Road 42, Burnsville, MN 55306
Great Wall China Adoption
Meet families who have returned from China and hear from them, first hand, about their experiences. For more information or to register, contact Laurie Pazdernik at (952) 440-5453, e-mail pazdernik@minnehahaacademy.net, or visit http://www.gwcadopt.org/gwca_near_you.htm for a complete listing of Great Wall events.

Adoption from China - Free Information Meeting
May 15 (11:00 am – 1:00 pm)
Beaumont Health Center, 4949 Coolidge Rd., Royal Oak, MI 48073
Great Wall China Adoption
Meet families who have returned from China and hear from them, first hand, about their experiences. For more information or to register, contact Chrystal Yaeger at (586) 992-0561, e-mail chrystal@ameritech.net, or visit http://www.gwcadopt.org/gwca_near_you.htm for a complete listing of Great Wall events.

Adoption from China - Free Information Meeting
May 15 (2:00 - 4:00 pm)
Englehardt Library, 200 N. Monroe St., Lowell, MI 49331
Great Wall China Adoption
Meet families who have returned from China and hear from them, first hand, about their experiences. For more information or to register, contact Margret Applebee at (616) 662-4425, e-mail michiganregs@aol.com, or visit http://www.gwcadopt.org/gwca_near_you.htm for a complete listing of Great Wall events.

Adoption from China - Free Information Meeting
May 18 (7:00 - 9:00 am)
Northwest Regional Library, 3151 University Dr., Coral Springs, FL 33065
Great Wall China Adoption
Meet families who have returned from China and hear from them, first hand, about their experiences. For more information or to register, contact Pam Eidson at (904) 221-6068, e-mail eidson91@yahoo.com, or visit http://www.gwcadopt.org/gwca_near_you.htm for a complete listing of Great Wall events.

International Adoption Seminar - One-Day Seminar
May 22 (9:30 am - 3:30 pm)
Fellowship Bible Church, 12601 Hinson Rd, Little Rock, AR
Dillon International, Inc.
International adoption can be a wonderful experience. Meet adoptive families, their children, and staff members of Dillon International, Inc. The cost is $75.00 for a married couple and $65.00 for a single adult applicant. The fee covers lunch and seminar materials. Facilities do not provide for childcare. To register (918) 749-4600, e-mail bev@dillonadopt.com, or visit http://www.dillonadopt.com/adoption%20workshops.htm.

International Adoption Seminar - One-Day Seminar
May 22 (9:30 am - 3:30 pm)
Holy Cross Lutheran Church, 13014 Olive Blvd, Creve Coeur, MO
Dillon International, Inc.
International adoption can be a wonderful experience. Meet adoptive families, their children, and staff members of Dillon International, Inc. The cost is $75.00 for a married couple and $65.00 for a single adult applicant. The fee covers lunch and seminar materials. Facilities do not provide for childcare. To register (918) 749-4600, e-mail bev@dillonadopt.com, or visit http://www.dillonadopt.com/adoption%20workshops.htm.

Abc's of International Adoption
May 22 (10:00 am - 11:30 am)
Norman Public Library, 225 N. Webster, Norman, OK
Dillon International, Inc.
During this free informational meeting, attendees will be given an overview of the process of international adoption, individual country requirements and adoption costs. In addition, they will be given information on waiting children from South Korea, China, India, Ukraine, Vietnam, Haiti, and Guatemala. Please call Nancy at (405) 329-0531, e-mail vnwood@flash.net, or visit http://www.dillonadopt.com/adoption%20workshops.htm.

Adoption from China - Free Information Meeting
May 22 (10:00 am - 12:00 pm)
St. Matthew/Living Grace Lutheran Church, 2566 Briarcliff Rd. NE, Atlanta, GA 30329
Great Wall China Adoption
Meet families who have returned from China and hear from them, first hand, about their experiences. For more information or to register, contact Allison Stock at (404) 486-7625, e-mail astock@bellsouth.net, or visit http://www.gwcadopt.org/gwca_near_you.htm for a complete listing of Great Wall events.

Adoption from China - Free Information Meeting
May 22 (11:00 am - 1:30 pm)
Kirkersville United Methodist Church, 180 East Main St., Kirkersville, OH 43033
Great Wall China Adoption
Meet families who have returned from China and hear from them, first hand, about their experiences. For more information or to register, contact Tammy Hendershot at (740) 964-6862, e-mail gwca-oh@juno.com, or visit http://www.gwcadopt.org/gwca_near_you.htm for a complete listing of Great Wall events.

Abc's of International Adoption
May 22 (2:00 pm - 4:00 pm)
St. Joseph County Public Library, Main Branch, 304 S. Main, South Bend, IN
Dillon International, Inc.
During this free informational meeting, attendees will be given an overview of the process of international adoption, individual country requirements and adoption costs. In addition, they will be given information on waiting children from South Korea, China, India, Ukraine, Vietnam, Haiti, and Guatemala. Please call Melissa at (574) 246-9550, e-mail mwjay@comcast.net, or visit http://www.dillonadopt.com/adoption%20workshops.htm.

Adoption from China - Free Information Meeting
May 22 (3:30 pm - 5:30 pm)
University of St. Thomas, Montrose @ West Alabama, Council of Clubs Room, Crooker Center
Great Wall China Adoption
Meet families who have returned from China and hear from them, first hand, about their experiences. For more information or to register, contact David Godwin at (713) 301-7276, e-mail dgodwin977@aol.com, or visit http://www.gwcadopt.org/gwca_near_you.htm for a complete listing of Great Wall events.

Abc's of International Adoption
May 22 (5:00 pm - 6:30 pm)
Trinity Christian Academy, 4954 East Interstate 20 Service Road, Aledo, TX
Dillon International, Inc.
During this free informational meeting, attendees will be given an overview of the process of international adoption, individual country requirements and adoption costs. In addition, they will be given information on waiting children from South Korea, China, India, Ukraine, Vietnam, Haiti, and Guatemala. Please call Libby at (817) 292-3599, e-mail libbyskaggs@sbcglobal.net, or visit http://www.dillonadopt.com/adoption%20workshops.htm.

Abc's of International Adoption
May 29 (10:00 am - 12:00 pm)
Brentwood Branch Library, 2214 Brentwood Blvd, Springfield, MO
Dillon International, Inc.
During this free informational meeting, attendees will be given an overview of the process of international adoption, individual country requirements and adoption costs. In addition, they will be given information on waiting children from South Korea, China, India, Ukraine, Vietnam, Haiti, and Guatemala. Please call (417) 268-3254, e-mail springfielddillon417@yahoo.com, or visit http://www.dillonadopt.com/adoption%20workshops.htm.

Adoption from China - Free Information Meeting
May 29 (12:00 pm - 2:00 pm)
Katy Library, 5414 Franz, Katy, TX 77493
Great Wall China Adoption
Meet families who have returned from China and hear from them, first hand, about their experiences. For more information or to register, contact Cindy Hernandez at cindymsw@sbcglobal.net, or visit http://www.gwcadopt.org/gwca_near_you.htm for a complete listing of Great Wall events.

Adoption from China - Free Information Meeting
May 29 (1:00 pm - 3:00 pm)
Murdock Public Library, 18400 Murdock Cir., Port Charlotte, FL 33948
Great Wall China Adoption
Meet families who have returned from China and hear from them, first hand, about their experiences. For more information or to register, contact Susan Fremer at (352) 666-4853, e-mail sfremer@tampabay.rr.com, or visit http://www.gwcadopt.org/gwca_near_you.htm for a complete listing of Great Wall events.

For local listings, regional seminars, and many other adoption events, visit Events.Adoption.com.

Back to Top

Call For Content
Adoption Week Magazine is looking for well-written adoption-related articles, poems, quotes, book reviews, news, event announcements, product reviews, photos, successful adoption and reunion stories, clean humor, job openings, letters to the editor, reviews of adoption websites, product recalls, information on adoption legislation, great deals on adoption and family-related products, other adoption-related content. To submit content, or if you would like to be interviewed or to nominate someone for an adoption service award, please visit AdoptionWeek.com.

To Advertise
Would you like to advertise in the Adoption Week e-mail magazine? Call 1-800-ADOPT-HERE or e-mail sales@adoption.com for more advertising information.

Refer It
We hope you enjoyed this issue of Adoption Week e-Magazine and encourage you to forward it to others who might find this information useful.

To Subscribe Or Unsubscribe
If you want a free weekly e-mail subscription to Adoption Week e-Magazine, or would like to unsubscribe, visit AdoptionWeek.com.

Disclaimer
This e-magazine is provided as a free community service, and by using and reading it you agree to the terms and conditions as posted at AdoptionWeek.com. Adoption.com makes no warrantee about the accurateness of any information in this magazine, and does not endorse any adoption professional, adoption product or other adoption service. If you have received this e-mail erroneously, or do not agree to the terms of this disclaimer, please unsubscribe.