1. ANNOUNCEMENT

ADOPTION JOBS
The National Center for Adoption Law & Policy is once again operating its Adoption Jobsite - a matching service for law students interested in summer paid or volunteer positions in the field of child welfare and adoption. If you are a judge, lawyer, part of a child protection agency, or work in an adoption or child advocacy organization, visit http://www.law.capital.edu/adoption/JobSite/open_jobs.htm.

GREAT WAYS TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE
Would you like to get involved and help great children's causes? We have developed a new page: http://about.adoption.com/make-a-difference.php to showcase great ways that we can all give back. If there is something you would like to see added to this list, please email editor@adoptionmedia.com.

ADOPTION NEWS AND ARTICLES UPDATED 5 DAYS A WEEK
The new Adoption.com home page has a "News & Articles" section that is updated with new headlines Monday through Friday. We encourage you to visit http://Adoption.com each day to find out the latest adoption news and articles.

HAVE YOU WRITTEN A CANADIAN ADOPTION BOOK?
Adoption.com is developing a new Canadian adoption section, and we are looking for authors who have written books about Canadian adoption, who would sell us an electronic license to reprint the books on our site. Authors could retain all rights to the print versions of the books, if desired. For more information, contact editor@adoptionweek.com.

ADOPTION.COM UNVEILS NEW HOME PAGE
The Adoption.com home page has been re-designed to help our visitors more easily find what they are looking for and improve the user experience. You will soon see this new look and feel on the sub-pages of the site. Visit http://www.Adoption.com, and let feedback@adoptionmedia.com know what you think of our new home page. We'd love to know what you think.

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2. NEW ARTICLES

The views expressed by the authors are solely their own, and for which the authors are responsible. These views do not necessarily represent the views of Adoption Week e-Magazine.

The Walls Came Down - new article contributed by Sherieka L. Sutton
On September 3, 2002, I received an email from my case worker stating she had found my birth father, and that he was in contact with my birth mother. I was too excited, let me tell you, I couldn't stop crying. After this enormous break through, and finally getting to talk to my birth father ... I had another let down. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=407

The Gift of Life is Irreplaceable - new article contributed by Allison Elliott
I'll never forget when Ruth (adoptive mom) walked in. She was glowing as if she were pregnant herself. She and Jerome had a glowing spirit about them that was so calming for me. We met, and we talked for what seemed to be hours. We laughed and cried. (I cried.) http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=408

To Katmandu, with Love: An Adoptive Mom's Journal VI - new article by Cynthia Yoder
Today is good. My nephew Niko called an hour ago and invited me over for pie. It was my sister Juanita's homemade butternut squash pie. Forget that Gabriel asked me after school if he could really trade me in for another mother. Forget the fact that it's 9 p.m. and I have a pile of research papers to read. The pie still feels warm in my belly. My house is quiet, and I'm writing out my journal, sending our daughter-to-be love and prayers. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=409

Read these articles at http://Magazine.Adoption.com, and submit your adoption-related articles to editor@adoptionweek.com for publication in Adoption Week e-Magazine and Adoption.com.

By submitting content, you represent that you have the rights to this content and that you give Adoption.com and Adoption Week the right to reprint this content on the internet, via e-mail, and in print form.

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3. ADOPTION NEWS

The news in the past few days really makes you wonder why some people adopt. Joel Steinberg, who the New York Daily Times calls a "child-killing monster," was convicted for beating his illegally adopted daughter to death in 1987. The good news is that he has refused parole for the fifth time. Last year, his lawyer reported that Steinberg has a job waiting if he ever gets out... as a television producer! And in a story from Canada, a couple admits they kept their adopted sons in cages. Admist the negative adoption stories, there are several positive ones. Visit News.Adoption.com/ to read all the headlines.

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4. ADOPTION LAW & POLICY NEWS

January 14, 2004

WEEKLY NEWS SUMMARY

CALIFORNIA: "STATE LAW ADAPTING TO NEW KINDS OF FAMILIES; RULING IMMINENT ON MAN CLAIMING 'EQUITABLE ADOPTION'" - by Harriet Chiang
The California Supreme Court is expected to rule any day on an "equitable adoption" case that some experts believe could have a far-reaching impact on concepts of family relationships. Terrold Bean was never adopted by his foster parents, but stayed with them from age 2 to 21, and maintained a relationship with the couple similar to that between parents and children. The foster father died without a will, and a niece and nephew now claim the $600,000 estate. Experts are looking to the case to see how the court deals with Bean's claim to have been equitably adopted. In 2001 the trial court ruled that Bean did not prove his claim because he had not shown intent by the couple to adopt him, notwithstanding the special relationship they shared. Professor Jan Ellen Rein of McGeorge School of Law has criticized the factors courts use in judging equitable adoption claims, noting in a 1984 article that they do not fit with the "real human facts of these cases." Family Law expert Joan Hollinger notes the timeliness of the decision, as a national board is currently considering whether probate laws should be updated to take into consideration informal parent-child relationships.
The San Francisco Chronicle, Monday January 12, 2004
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2004/01/12/ADOPT.TMP

TENNESSEE: "OVERSEAS ADOPTIONS REQUIRE SPECIAL PATIENCE" - Anita Wadhwani
According to some adoptive parents and adoption agency representatives near Murfreesboro, Tennessee, overseas adoptions have been moving more slowly following the Department of Homeland Security takeover of Immigration and Naturalization. In one case handled by the new department, Citizenship and Immigration Services ("CIS"), the processing of adoption papers for a couple's third child took five months to process, while the paperwork for their child adopted two years earlier took only two months. The CIS attributes the problem to staff shortages in its Memphis office. Although there is a backlog of applications and the processing time remains at about three months, the Memphis agency has a full-time and a part-time staff member dedicated to overseas adoptions, according to Chris Bentley of the CIS in Washington, D.C. Congressman Bart Gordon and Senator Bill Frist have helped individuals move the process along, and Senator Lamar Alexander's staffers addressed the delays with the department last fall.
The Tennessean, Tuesday, January 13, 2004
http://www.tennessean.com/government/archives/04/01/45432453.shtml?Element_ID=45432453

MISSOURI: COURT HEARS ARGUMENTS IN CASE OF 'INTERNET TWINS' ADOPTION - by Kelly Wiese, Associated Press
An attorney for Tranda Wecker, who twice offered her twin girls for adoption on the Internet, argued to the Missouri Supreme Court on January 7th that the subsequent adoption of the twins by a St. Louis couple should not have been finalized until Wecker had exhausted appeals of the termination of her parental rights. Wecker placed the twins for adoption with a California couple, but later removed them because, she said, the couple opposed her visitation with the girls. A subsequent adoption by a Welsh couple in Arkansas was voided by an Arkansas judge and the twins were placed in state custody in Missouri. Wecker's attorney argued that a key factor in the termination-that the twins had been in state custody for 15 of preceding 22 months-was beyond his client's control and that she was following the required process to regain custody. An attorney for the St. Louis juvenile officer argued that Wecker's appeal of the termination came too late and that she did not post a bond to halt the adoption process, as required by state law and court rules.
Mercury-News, January 7, 2004
http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/news/local/7654976.htm

MICHIGAN: "FAMILY COURT RULES BLASTED -- ATTORNEYS SAY THEY'LL STOP REPRESENTING CHILDREN" - by Jack Kresnak
Some juvenile court attorneys are angry with new family court rules that went into effect on January 1st and say they will no longer represent children. The rules, aimed at shortening procedural delays in family court cases, require lawyer-guardian ad litems ("LGALs") to visit child clients in their placements prior to each court hearing, which typically are scheduled every 90 days in each case. Some LGALs with 200 plus children in their caseload would thus be required to make at least 800 visits per year. Patrick Devine, president of Wayne County Juvenile Court's Trial Lawyers Association, contends that children in that county are well-represented and that each case should be assessed to determine the necessity of a home visit. Other attorneys express concerns over the dangers of such visits. However, Mary Beth Kelly, Chief Judge of the Wayne County Circuit Court, says the new rules were prompted in part by complaints from older foster children that they never see their court-appointed attorneys. Kelly says LGALs "have to recognize that their client has social work needs and that the state has an obligation to meet those needs." Kelly also notes that judges are aware of the LGALs' concerns and may allow exceptions under some circumstances.
Detroit Free Press/Children First, January 5, 2004
http://www.freep.com/news/childrenfirst/juvie5_20040105.htm

January 13, 2004

WEEKLY CASE SUMMARY

Significant Cases

Agency Liability

OFFICE OF THE CHILD ADVOCATE V. LINDGREN

In response to a contempt motion filed against him, Defendant Director of state Department for Children, Youth, & Their Families ("DCYF") moved to dismiss or, alternatively, to vacate a second amended consent decree entered in case filed 17 years previously by child advocacy office alleging DCYF's "night to night" placement practice violated the constitutional rights of children in their custody. Magistrate recommended motion be denied and Defendant objected, arguing that the Plaintiff lacked standing to sue, that Defendant was protected against claims by doctrine of sovereign immunity, and that the court should abstain from further action in the case on federalism principles. District Court, after conducting de novo review, adopted report and recommendation of magistrate, holding that: (1 the issue of Plaintiff's standing, while a procedural flaw in the case, was now irrelevant because court's entry of consent decree insulated its judgment from attack on standing grounds; (2 that Ex Parte Young exception to Eleventh Amendment sovereign immunity, which allows suits for prospective injunctive relief against named state officials for ongoing federal law violations, was applicable to the case; and that (3 the Younger abstention doctrine did not apply to the case, as there were no pending state proceedings, and the Burford abstention doctrine did not apply, as there were no difficult questions of state law at issue. In its ruling, the court noted that the next issue to be addressed, whether Defendant was in contempt of the consent decree, would involve a lengthy and extended process with many procedural issues. Thus, the court suggested, that issue might be better resolved between the parties' arms of state government.
Cite: Case No. 86-0723L, 2004 U.S. Dist. LEXIS 116 (D.R.I. Jan. 8, 2004)
http://www.rid.uscourts.gov/Opinions/Lagueux/2004/Published/01072004_1-86CV0723L_OFFICE_OF_THE_CHILD_ADVOCATE_V_JAY_G_LINDGREN_JR_P.pdf

Termination of Parental Rights - Process

J.F. V. DEP'T OF CHILDREN & FAMILIES
JF appealed termination of her parental rights over JF-1 and JF-2, arguing that Department of Children and Families did not show clear and convincing evidence to support the order. JF previously had been convicted of manslaughter of her step-daughter. After her 1999 release, in order to regain contact with JF-1, JF made efforts to comply with her ordered case plan and showed interest in possibly regaining custody of JF-1, although her psychological evaluation indicated signs of an inability to safely and appropriately parent. During the proceedings, JF bore JF-2, and the court ordered the child to be sheltered. Although the dependency proceedings were delayed because DCF could not locate the child, once located, JF-2 showed no signs of abuse. DCF filed to terminate parental rights. At the termination proceeding, the DCF expert and the GAL expressed concern that JF showed no remorse over the death of her stepchild and that she had anger management problems. However, for two months she had maintained regular visitation with JF-1 and attended counseling. The trial court terminated her rights. On appeal, the Fourth District Court of Appeal of Florida reversed and remanded, finding DCF did not present clear and convincing evidence to terminate: DCF did not show that long-term therapy would not help JF's anger management or that JF was to blame for missing counseling, the only part of the case plan she failed to complete. Further, the court disagreed with DCF that no nexus need be shown between past and possible future abuse when a manslaughter conviction has resulted from past abuse. The court concluded that the evidence did not support a finding that JF's behavior was beyond her control, likely to continue, or would place the children at risk if her parental rights were not terminated.
Cite: 4D02-4225, 2004 Fla. App. LEXIS 36 (Jan. 7, 2004).
Web link: http://www.4dca.org/Jan2004/01-07-04/4D02-4225.pdf

Other Cases of Interest

Inheritance Rights in Adoption

IN RE ESTATE OF PAWLISCH
H appeals from circuit court order concluding he is not the "issue" of C, his paternal uncle, by way of adoption. While H was growing up he spent much time with his grandparents and C. When H's grandfather died, he left $30,000 to H in his will, with the residue of his estate to be divided equally among his sons (with C's share to be placed in trust), and if they predeceased him, their issue. At the time he executed his will, H's grandfather also set up an irrevocable "Farm Trust" for C's lifetime benefit, with the remainder on C's death to go his living issue, and if none, to his brother J's issue. Following his father's death, C, age 66, adopted H, age 47, in part to secure the proceeds. When C died, H and J's issue claimed an interest in the Farm Trust proceeds. The circuit court found the clear intent of the grandfather's will was for the proceeds to go to J's issue since C had no issue. H appealed, arguing he was C's issue based on the Farm Trust definition of "issue," which should be applied to the will and that he was C's "issue" pursuant to § 851.51(3) (1991-92). The Fourth District Court of Appeals of Wisconsin affirmed, however, concluding: (1 the definition of "issue" laid out in the Farm Trust, which included issue by adoption, does not apply to the will because they are two separate documents that do not relate to a common transaction; and (2 H is not C's "issue" under the statute because he was not adopted as a minor nor was he raised by C since he was 15. Further, the grandfather's separate bequeath to H showed his intent to exclude H from the other assets.
Cite: Appeal No. 03-1430, 2004 Wisc. App. LEXIS 4 (Jan. 8, 2004)
Web link: http://www.courts.state.wi.us/html/ca/03/03-1430.htm

Termination of Parental Rights

WILLIAMS V. WILLIAMS
JW, KW's grandmother, filed a petition to terminate LW's parental rights to KW. When LW failed to respond, the trial court entered a default judgment terminating her parental rights. LW's motion for a new trial was overruled, and she appealed. The Texas Court of Appeals, Third District, reversed and remanded for further proceedings. The appeals court ruled that although JW failed to include her name on the service papers, LW's own testimony established that she was properly served and she knew who the plaintiff was, so there was no confusion. However, the appeals court held, the evidence was legally insufficient to support the trial court's judgment terminating LW's parental rights. The court noted that although a defendant's failure to respond to a petition is normally taken as admission of the allegations, consideration of evidence and the perspective of the parents must be reviewed in relation to termination petitions. Here, LW claimed her failure to appear was due in part to bad legal advice and misrepresentations made to her by JW. In addition, the trial court's overruling of her motion for a new trial denied LW the opportunity to respond to the allegations against her.
Cite: Case No. 03-02-00723-CV, 2004 Tex. App. LEXIS 89 (Jan. 8, 2004)
Web link: http://www.3rdcoa.courts.state.tx.us/opinions/HTMLopinion.asp?OpinionID=12441

Credit: National Center for Adoption Law & Policy
Link: http://www.law.capital.edu/adoption

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5. ADOPTION BOOK CLUB

MY VERY WANTED CHILD
Every new parent experiences the flood of emotion that comes with the realization that his or her eagerly awaited child is home at last. This may be particularly true for parents who have waited, for any reason, to start a family. This gentle book expresses those emotions in a simple rhyme that tugs at the heartstrings of adults and amuses the youngest of children. The accompanying photographs are bright and colorful pictures of babies and children ... always a favorite among infants and toddlers!

For more information on this book, visit http://adoptionshop.com/cgi-bin/products/ADP11504.html.

Find 1,200+ other adoption products at adoptionshop.com.

To share your favorite adoption book with others, join the Adoption Book Club on AdoptionLists.com at http://adoptionlists.com/index.php?action=lists&listname=adoptionbookclub.

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6. MEET NEW HOPEFUL ADOPTIVE PARENTS

Rick & Diane (WA)
We are very excited to be writing to you as we seek to become parents through adoption. We believe that each family member is a gift from God to the others and that is the basis that we intend to build our family. To view Rick and Diane's profile, visit http://profiles.adoption.com/profiles/db6241.html.

Paul & Bridget (TX)
After meeting and falling in love in college, we married and began our life together. We have so much love to give and know that bringing a second child home will make our family complete. To view Paul and Bridget's profile, visit http://profiles.adoption.com/profiles/db9586.html.

Rich & Lisa (TX)
We look forward to rocking a baby, reading a picture book, pushing a swing, kissing goodnight, and walking to school. We will love a child with all of our hearts. To view Rich and Lisa's profile, visit http://profiles.adoption.com/profiles/db7195.html.

Keith & Melissa (CA)
Hello! We are Keith and Melissa, an executive for a large toy company,and an elementary school teacher. We have so much love to share with you and a child. Please feel free to get to know us. To view Keith and Melissa's profile, visit http://profiles.adoption.com/profiles/db5866.html.

Eric & Fran (TX)
Our promise to you is to create a happy, secure, and fun life for your child filled with love, warmth and laughter. Our passion will be making the hopes and dreams you have for your child come true. Our goal is to help you find comfort and happiness. To view Eric and Fran's profile, visit http://profiles.adoption.com/profiles/db11123.html.

Are you pregnant? Visit Profiles.Adoption.com to find the right adoptive parents for your baby.

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7. FEATURED WAITING CHILD

Justin is a handsome young man with dark hair and dark eyes and a great smile. Justin is incredibly bright and is in the Gifted and Talented Education program at his school. He has aspirations to go to college and become an NBA player or a lawyer. Justin likes to be challenged academically and is able to carry on mature and intelligent conversations with persons of all ages. He has a strong desire to be part of a family. He would be open to relocating, but would want to be able to maintain contact with his grandfather and sister. Justin, most of all, needs a family that will give an older child a chance and be committed to patiently working with him to be the best person he can be.

Photolisting.Adoption.com is a free community service of Adoption.com featuring more than 1,700 children awaiting loving, permanent homes. Add your agency's waiting children to the most popular adoption website, and help them find loving homes faster. E-mail exchange@adoptablekids.com for info.

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8. ADOPTION GEM

9. ADOPTION BUZZ

Making Contact: - Major Mistake in Contact Attempt?
http://forums.adoption.com/t131062.html

Birthmother Support: - Second Thoughts
http://forums.adoption.com/t130249.html

General Step Parent Adoption Support: - Back Child Support
http://forums.adoption.com/t131124.html

General Adoptive Parent Support: - Responses to Children's Nosy Questions
http://forums.adoption.com/t130054.html

Stories of Discovery: - When You Know Someone is Adopted and They Don't
http://forums.adoption.com/t120843.html

If any of the links above do not work, visit Adoption.com for direct links to these discussions.

For more online adoption discussions, visit Forums.Adoption.com.

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10. ADOPTION SITE SPOTLIGHT

This week, our adoption spotlight is shining on: Registry.Adoption.com.

Is someone looking for you? Find out by registering with the Internet's #1 adoption reunion registry at Registry.Adoption.com.

Before Speaking Out, register in Registry.Adoption.com. Use adoptee information to find birth and adoption records. The person you are searching for might be looking for you.

For a list of our favorite adoption websites, visit Adoptions.Adoption.com.

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11. ADOPTION DESTINATION

InternationalAdoption.org is the internet's authoritative destination for international adoption. You will find fact sheets, adoption information, travel information, culture and heritage, maps, weather, books, currency exchange rates, periodicals, news and much more for dozens of different countries with active international adoption programs.

This week, the country of focus is Guatemala.

Guatemala was freed of Spanish colonial rule in 1821. During the second half of the 20th century, it experienced a variety of military and civilian governments as well as a 36-year guerrilla war. In 1996, the government signed a peace agreement formally ending the conflict, which had led to the death of more than 100,000 people and had created some 1 million refugees.

To learn more about Guatemala's government, geography, and communication information, or its history, visit Guatemala.Adoption.com.

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12. JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT

"PUT UP WITH ME"

Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer.

"Fine," said the pleased mother, "if you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you."

"Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Johnny. "I asked Him to help you put up with me."

E-mail your humorous story or joke to editor@adoptionweek.com.

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13. FEATURED ADOPTION PROFESSIONAL

Family Creations
Bradenton, FL
Toll Free: (866) 322-9630
Phone: (941) 727-9630
Contact: Alice Kelley
info@familycreationsinc.com

Family Creations is a licensed child placing agency, specializing in domestic and international adoptions, Independent Home Studies, and counseling services to birth parents and adoptive parents. Our services are confidential, and provided by caring professionals.

Services: · Adoption Agencies · International Adoption
Countries: · Guatemala · Ukraine

For more information on Family Creations, visit http://www.FamilyCreationsInc.com/.

Find adoption agencies, attorneys and other adoption professionals at Directory.Adoption.com.

To see your ad here, visit http://directory.adoption.com/upgrade.php.

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14. ADOPTIONSHOP.COM PICK

Born For You - Only $49.95
Perfect Gift For Brand New Baby! 13 3/4" x 14"
Poem reads: There I was/Curled up so tightly/Like a timid snail/Scared to venture out of my shell/Or a trembling question mark/ Waiting for an answer/To that all consuming question/That might never come/Cramped and craving/Searching for a revelation/ Some penetrating pinprick of light/To illuminate and enlighten/My world of suffocating darkness/The walls were closing in/ And I cried out for escape/I couldn't stand it for another minute.../Then, like a miracle/You were there!/Smiling in the brightness/As though you already knew me/There you were/Hands outstretched and inviting/Saying, "Welcome to the family"/There you were/Showering me with kindness/So, here I am/Your confused child/My life will never be the same/Now, I am a brand new person/Born just for you/And I'm eternally grateful/That in your eyes/I can see the reflection of forever/Here I am /I'm all yours!

For more information and ordering instructions, visit http://adoptionshop.com/cgi-bin/products/LAU00004.html.

For more adoption products, visit adoptionshop.com.

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15. COUNSEL FROM AN ADOPTEE AND A BIRTH MOTHER

This section is not intended for search advice. It is meant to be an advice column for people with questions concerning their feelings, interested in the opinion of someone who can relate. The views expressed by this author is solely his own, and for which the author is responsible. The content within this column is not to be considered as professional medical, legal or behavioral health information to be used in diagnosis, treatment or actions that would require the consultation and/or services of a licensed, certified or accredited professional. These views do not necessarily represent the views of Adoption Week e-Magazine.

This month, our columnist, DB, is joined by Jan, a birth mother whose bio appears below.

Question:

Hi,

I am an adoptive mother of a little girl who had suffered some abuse before we adopted her. She was left home alone as an infant while the birth mother was out at all-night parties. The birth mother also had subjected her birth child to many unsafe situations. When we adopted her, she was really a mess - for lack of a better word. She is now happy, confident and truly well adjusted.

We do not have an agreement for visitation with the birth family and they have refused my requests for them to go to counseling, so I would like to avoid visitation to protect our daughter from the confusion that the visits would cause. They live a very different lifestyle than our daughter is now accustomed to: drugs, criminal records, etc.

As an adoptee--- what are your thoughts on this? Would you want visits if your birth family was on drugs? Or if they really did not have their lives together? I am afraid that it will cause problems that I will have to try to fix. I have seen it happen firsthand with one of my relatives. He had visits with his birth mom, and it really mentally hurt him to see her in the way the she was and lived. I have no problem with our daughter seeing all of her birth family after she has formed a strong sense of self and is determined to not use drugs like both of her birth parents.

Thanks,

T

DB's Response: T: Personally, no, I would not want to see by biological family if they were on drugs and still living that lifestyle. On the flip side, I do think that once they can prove to you that they are clean and have gotten their lives back on track, you should allow them to have contact with your daughter. Of course, the amount of contact is your decision, but I would recommend very little at first and gradually move up as everyone's comfort levels remain consistent. Moving slowly will allow you to monitor whether or not they really are clean and if they are maintaining that sobriety. Drugs are a tough thing to shake, I know as I have had my own personal experiences with addicts and addiction. I think you are right in your decision to ask them to attend counseling and try to get clean. I certainly would not let them visit my child until they were sober (and had remained sober), and I commend you for that decision as well. I think you are doing just fine. Stay strong and don't compromise with the biological family in this situation. Good luck, DB

Jan's Response: T, My initial gut reaction is of course you would not want your child around people with substance abuse problems, much less a history of prior neglect. I have not been around people addicted to drugs or alcohol, but I can't imagine it would be good for a child to be around anyone with addiction problems. And, I agree with DB, that addictions, especially drug addictions, are extremely difficult to successfully overcome. However, it is hard for me to respond to your question properly without knowing more facts, such as your daughter's age and the current state of her relationship with her birth family. If she has a strong relationship with them, are supervised visits a possibility until they are in better shape (if ever), or are they too messed up even for that? Is she old enough that she could understand your reasons for doing so if you cease all contact for now? You must, of course, protect your child from harm, but if she has strong ties to her birth family (no matter how bad they are), I would tread lightly before cutting off all contact. Have you considered consulting with a child psychologist? Best of luck, Jan

Question:

Hi.

I have two kids, ages four and 22 months, who were adopted. I talk to people about adoption because frankly, people need to know.

Do you think it is hurting (especially my four-year-old) to talk about adoption in front of them? Will it make him feel different? We always talk about adoption in the MOST positive way, but you never know how kids will react.

Thanks for your input.

DB's Response: I do not think there is anything wrong with talking about adoption in front of your children. He may not understand at this time what you are talking about when you discuss it with another adult, but if he asks, do not hesitate to explain it in a way that he can understand. My parents were always open with me when I was growing up. I had adoption books geared for children that were read to me. My parents never hesitated to tell people that I was adopted. I grew up with a great understanding of adoption (although maybe not of mine in particular, and I knew about my situation in general. I completely condone you discussing adoption in front of your children, so long as you remember they are in the room when you do so. Sometimes a child may misinterpret an adult conversion when they do not understand the words being used or sarcasm, etc. DB

Jan's Response: I wholeheartedly applaud your decision to be open and talk to people about adoption. There is so much misinformation floating around in the general public about the subject. I feel it is up to those of us in the triad to educate others as much as we can. All the adoption experts I know of encourage adoptive parents to talk about adoption openly with their children. Not only does it not hurt them, but it is much healthier for them for the subject to be freely discussed. From my contact with adopted people, growing up adopted is different and that should be acknowledged. The adult adoptees who have the most issues with being adopted are those who grew up with the subject of adoption (and their birth parents) as totally taboo subjects not to be discussed. Encourage your children as they get older to ask questions and make them feel adoption is a positive experience, not a negative one that no one should talk about. Thanks for writing, I commend you for talking about adoption and hope you continue to do so with your children! Jan

BIOS:

The author is a 21-year-old adoptee who wants to help those affiliated with the adoption community. Although the author does not have a medical degree, etc., he is simply extending a listening ear and the perspective of a young adult who is involved in the adoption triad.

The co-author, Jan, is a reunited mother of a 34-year-old son who was relinquished at birth. She also has a daughter and a son whom she raised and is a proud grandmother of three. Jan has no counseling credentials or training, but offers her opinions based on her role as an active member of the adoption community.

Their opinions are not necessarily those of Adoption.com and are provided voluntarily on a weekly basis.

To submit your questions to DB, e-mail adoptionquestions2003@yahoo.com

To submit your questions to Jan, e-mail danjanbaker@earthlink.net

In order for your questions/comments to be answered in the next week's issue, questions need to be submitted before 12 noon each Wednesday.

In addition, please remember to keep your questions appropriate for Adoption Week e-Magazine; otherwise, they will not be answered or included in the next week's edition.

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16. SPEAK OUT

I can't believe all the negative reactions to Gail wanting to adopt more than 8 kids. Some people have a heart big enough for a lot of children, some people don't and will never understand. Some parents have careers, for others, their children are their careers.

Gail, you can try adopting children from disrupted adoptions. These are often private adoptions with only the costs of lawyers fees involved. Of course, the children available are older, and have some serious problems, but if you've adopted 8 children from social services you have certainly dealt with a lot of these problems already. groups.yahoo.com has a few groups set up for finding homes for these kids. Search under disrupted adoptions, and good luck; there are lots of kids who would do well in a big family. - Beth H.

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We are looking for a foster mother that gave a little girl a life for 2 years. Her name is Mimi, and the foster mother called her by that name. All we know of the foster mother was that she lived in Laurel, Maryland, and the birth took place in 1971, so she had Mimi for 2 years. Mimi has all but given up. All she can remember is that there was a dark haired boy in the home, possibly the name of Mike. She was told that the foster mom's name was Rosemary Leveine, or Rosemary Leveign, but a lot of the other information is false, so we have no idea for sure. If you were in any way connected to foster mothers in Maryland, please ask around, and then email me. Mimi's life will not have closure (she is 33) until she finds this wonderful woman, and she only wants to take her some flowers. Thanks. - Priscilla Vail (vailc@ucs.orst.edu)

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I found my birthmother's last name due to the helping hand of a searcher. After that, I took on the part of the detective and found everything else on the internet. She received my letter on the 13th of December and we began talking that day. I was so afraid to let my adoptive parents know (even though I am 32), I didn't want to hurt them, and I was afraid that my birthmother wouldn't want to see me. As it turns out, my parents were wondering why I had not searched before now, and my birthmother has accepted me with open arms! She has never hid the fact that I was born and even my two half-sisters have known about me since they were young. We are all very close, and determined to stay that way. It is a healing blessing. I am happier now than ever. I pray that all adoptee's will have a blessed reunion if they pursue this. - B.B.

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Dear Editor: Gosh, you didn't get any more positive responses for the couple with eight children who wanted more? And my goodness, to suggest that anyone with lots of children "collects" kids? And people with lots of children make others feel "weird?" I am a mom of 10 biological kids, with 8 kids at home, and we are adopting 2 more. My husband and I have a heart for children and find ourselves willing, able and very happy to provide for them. We do not "collect" them, and we do take our parenting task seriously. Their welfare is our foremost task in life. To suggest they won't get to college or get their weddings paid for because there are so many of them is not only untrue, but also a funny reason to advise someone to give up on a desire to parent hurting kids.

I have learned in 27 years of parenting that just because someone else can't conceive in their minds how I can be a mom to so many doesn't make them right or accurate. They are merely uneducated and many times think their opinion is the only correct one. They can't seriously mean that because they can't figure it out, it can't be done by anyone else and done well. Here is an article from NAIC... scroll down to the section "Struggling with the Issues of Sibling Relationships" for some positive aspects of adoption in large families: http://naic.acf.hhs.gov/pubs/f_siblin.cfm. Sincerely, Linda (mom of 10, soon to be 12... and yes I still have my wits about me and also more patience, compassion, empathy and organization than I ever thought possible when I was a young mom of only 2... As my husband tells people: "You haven't really parented until you have had at least 5 kids!")

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Hello: My name is Heidi, and I am searching for my birth mother. I was born in Anchorage, Alaska on October 12, 1970. My parents hired an attorney to handle the adoption. The adoption was finalized in November of 1970. As soon as I turned 18, I applied for release of my original birth certificate. (My a-mom was also adopted, so she has encouraged me to search.) When I received it, I was so excited to try to contact my b-mom. I sent a letter with a picture of myself to the address listed on the certificate. No response ever came. About 10 years later, I tried to search by my b-mom's name, but found hundreds of Kathleen A. Phillips listed. Unfortunately, in the 70's they did not ask for the social security numbers, so the name was all I had to go with. I started posting on web sites and registered with Soundex. I even found out what high school my mother attended and got a picture of her from the year book. I tried to get her transcripts from the school, but without a Power of Attorney, I would have no luck. So, I went to Classmates.com and started posting messages trying to get a response from someone who may have know her. So here I sit, 33 years old and still wondering where she is and if I will ever find her. - Heidi Stigum, Fresno, CA

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I am an adoptee who is seeking a current medical history from my biomom, who may be residing in Middleton, Idaho. Her secod husband was an employee of the Middleton school district. She had seven children total: five from her first marriage, then me and another by her second husband. My biofather had seven by his first marriage and then me. I do not know if he remarried or had more children. It is comforting to know the reason I was put up for adoption. It removes part of the sting; yet, without the current medical information, the mystery remains. Please help: I was born at Mercy Medical Center in Nampa, Idaho on June 9, 1969 to Debra Allsopp. (kellyr@cableone.net)

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I am adopted, and my records are sealed. I did receive some information about my adoption. My birth mother's name is Mary. My birth grandparents (her parents) were named Earl and Katherine. It was a Catholic Charities adoption in Des Moines, Iowa. My DOB is December 6, 1965, time of birth was 11:54 pm, and hospital of birth was Mercy Hospital. I am of German Irish decent. My birth name was Sheila Marie. If anyone can give me any information on how to search more, or to someday hopefully find them, please email me at sfbaez@msn.com. Thanks, and hopefully someday the good Lord with bless me with my prayer. - S.B in Iowa

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Hi, my name is Angie Pennings, and I was adopted in Ottawa, Ontario. My birth day was Jan. 16, 1979, and my natural name was Ingrid Louise D. I am just wondering if anyone is looking for me. I want to find my birth mom. Please e-mail me at angie_pennings@hotmail.com. Thanks.

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To Speak Out and share your opinion or a comment, or to respond to a message, e-mail editor@adoptionweek.com

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17. ADOPTION POETRY

18. ADOPTION CALENDAR

CHAT SCHEDULE:

Sunday:
Reunion Support Group Chat with Loretta in the Search and Reunion room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern

Monday:
Join Dr. Art Becker-Weidman in the hosted chat room at 2 pm Pacific, 3 pm Mountain, 4 pm Central, 5 pm Eastern and ask him questions on attachment therapy and treating children with trauma-attachment disorders.

Adoptee Chat with Thea in the hosted chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern. Thea is a caring adoptee that has recently reunited with her birthmother.

Tuesday:
Birth mom chat with Angelwings. Angel is a birthmom and adoptee. Her chat is held in the BirthMother.chat room at 4 pm Pacific, 5 pm Mountain, 6 pm Central, 7 pm Eastern

Birth father's General Support Chat in the hosted chat room with adoptee and birthfather, Terry. All are invited at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm central, 9 pm Eastern

Wednesday:
Pre- and adoptive parent chat with JJ and friends - Help as you begin the adoption process. Hosted in Adoptive Parents chat room at 5 pm Pacific, 6 pm Mountain, 7 pm Central, 8 pm Eastern.

Parenting issues for adoptive/foster parents with Dimasmom in FosterCare chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern.

Join an informative chat on the ups and downs of reunion hosted by Sabra since 1997. Talk out your next step and share your experiences in search and reunion at 7 pm Pacific, 8 pm Mountain, 9 pm Central, 10 pm Eastern in the Search and Reunion chat room.

Thursday:
Evening with Colleen Buckner, search expert, in Search and Reunion chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern.

Friday:
If you are having a "limbo" type experience with your reunion, come and talk it over with those who've "been there-done that" themselves. Join co-hosting birth mothers, April and Judy, in the Search and Reunion room on Fridays: 5 pm Pacific, 6 pm Mountain, 7 pm Central, 8 pm Eastern.

Saturday:
Older child adoption/foster care behavioral issues with Jerry in FosterCare chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern.

For a listing of times and descriptions and to attend scheduled chats, or join the live chat, visit Forums.Adoption.com/Chat.

ADOPTION EVENTS:

PRE-ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP - Eight Tuesday Evenings
January 6 - Feb. 24 (7 pm - 9 pm)
San Jose
Resolve of Northern California
Explore your questions and concerns about adoption, and enjoy peer support while you learn about the adoption process. This support group provides information and support about the decision to adopt, and about all types of adoption. Led by Sara Lively, founder of Adoption Paths, an educational organization independent of any adoption agency. For more information and to register (831)476-7252 or visit http://www.AdoptionPaths.com.

EXPLORING ADOPTION: AN EDUCATIONAL SERIES - Four Saturday Afternoons
January 10 - 31 (3 pm - 5 pm)
Santa Cruz, California
Adoption Paths
Explore your questions and concerns along with other people who are interested in adopting. This educational series provides extensive and unbiased information about all types of adopting. Taught by Sara Lively, founder of Adoption Paths. For more information and to register, call (831)476-6252 or visit http://www.AdoptionPaths.com.

INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION SEMINAR
January 24 (9:30 am - 4:30 pm)
First United Methodist Church, 313 N. Center, Arlington, TX
Dillon International, Inc.
International adoption can be a wonderful experience. Meet adoptive families, their children, and staff members of Dillon International, Inc. The cost is $60.00 for a married couple and $50.00 for a single adult applicant. The fee covers lunch and seminar materials. Facilities do not provide for childcare. To register, email bev@dillonadopt.com, or call (918) 749-4600 for details.
Website: http://www.dillonadopt.com/Seminars%20and%20Workshops.htm

CONSIDERING ADOPTION (in the Maryland/Washington, DC area?)
January 24 (9:00 am - 2:00 pm)
First United Methodist Church, 313 N. Center, Arlington, TX
Catholic Charities of Baltimore
Domestic and International Adoption Programs available. Explanation of the various options in adoption and discussion of all available programs. Actively seeking families for international programs in Korea, the Philippines (especially those of Filipino background), China, Guatemala, Colombia, and Russia. Can also assist families wishing to adopt from other countries. For further information, call (410) 659-4050 or visit http://www.cc-md.org/adoptions/adoptions.html.

ADOPTIVE PARENTS' ADOPTION EDUCATION CLASS
January 24 (9:00 am - 4:00 pm)
Towson Presbyterian Church - Chesapeake Ave. - Towson, MD 21204
FACE (Families Adopting Children Everywhere, Inc)
Course Calendar: an introduction to adoption and the characteristics common to all adoption; discussion on how to select an agency; review of international adoption, countries available, process, paperwork, cost, etc; introduction to domestic and independent adoptions a discussion of issues with adoption professionals; meeting adoptive families and an introduction to basic issues in adoptive family life. For information on public, private, and independent adoption, call (410) 488-2656, or visit http://www.faceadoptioninfo.org.

AFTER ADOPTION: Understanding the Lifelong Journey
January 27 (6:00 pm - 9:00 pm)
Bellefaire JCB, 22001 Fairmount Blvd., Shaker Heights, Ohio
Adoption Network Cleveland
Presenter: Regina Kupecky
RSVP: Free workshop. Foster parent training certificates and social work/counselor CEUšs provided. Registration is required, please call (216) 881-7511. Registration closes 3 day prior to workshop.

LAKE COUNTY GENERAL MEETING
January 27 (7:30 pm - 9:30 pm)
Deepwood North Apartments, Rental Office/Community Room, 8100 Deepwood Blvd. (off Rt. 84) Mentor, Ohio. Follow signs to rental office
Adoption Network Cleveland
Who can attend: Adult adoptees, birthparents, siblings, adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents, professionals and anyone who is interested in lifelong adoption issues. No registration or membership is required to attend. For more information, contact Adoption Network Cleveland (216) 881-7511 or visit http://www.AdoptionNetwork.org.

PARENTING THE HURT CHILD
January 29 (6:30 pm - 9:30 pm)
Beechbrook, 3737 Lander Road, Fenn Center, Pepper Pike, Ohio
Adoption Network Cleveland
Presenter: Regina Kupecky
RSVP: Free workshop. Foster parent training certificates and social work/counselor CEUšs provided. Registration is required, please call (216) 881-7511. Registration closes 3 day prior to workshop.

ADOPTIVE PARENTS' ADOPTION EDUCATION CLASS
January 31 (9:00 am - 3:00 pm)
Towson Presbyterian Church - Chesapeake Ave. - Towson, MD 21204
FACE (Families Adopting Children Everywhere, Inc)
Course Calendar: an introduction to adoption and the characteristics common to all adoption; discussion on how to select an agency; review of international adoption, countries available, process, paperwork, cost, etc; introduction to domestic and independent adoptions a discussion of issues with adoption professionals; meeting adoptive families and an introduction to basic issues in adoptive family life. For information on public, private, and independent adoption, call (410) 488-2656, or visit http://www.faceadoptioninfo.org.

YOU CAN AFFORD ADOPTION - Free Seminar
January 31 (9:30 am-12:30 pm)
University of Texas at Arlington (Dallas-Ft Worth area), Bluebonnet Ballroom - South
A Mother's Charm
Considering adoption? Know someone who is? This seminar will spotlight the variety of resources and ideas available for prospective adoptive parents. There will be presentations on adoption financial planning, obtaining loans and grants, expertise from adoption professionals on how agencies can help financially, and advice from adoptive families concerning fund-raising and how to use your funds wisely in the "process". Adoption experts from a variety of agencies (specializing in domestic and international adoptions) will also host information booths throughout the seminar. To learn more and to register for the event, call (888) 924-2767.

INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION SEMINAR
January 31 (9:30 am - 4:30 pm)
Holy Cross Lutheran Church, 13014 Olive Blvd, Creve Coeur, MO
Dillon International, Inc.
International adoption can be a wonderful experience. Meet adoptive families, their children, and staff members of Dillon International, Inc. The cost is $60.00 for a married couple and $50.00 for a single adult applicant. The fee covers lunch and seminar materials. Facilities do not provide for childcare. To register, email bev@dillonadopt.com, or call (918) 749-4600 for details.
Website: http://www.dillonadopt.com/Seminars%20and%20Workshops.htm

THE LIFELONG IMPACT OF ADOPTION - Lecture & discussion by Marlou Russell, Ph.D.
January 31 (1:00 pm - 4:00 pm)
Santa Monica College, Madison Campus, 1310 11th Street, Room #117, Santa Monica CA 90401
This class is for adult adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents, those considering adoption, therapists, attorneys, the media, and anyone interested in the emotional and psychological aspects of adoption. This class is $35 per person with free parking on campus. For more information contact: Marlou Russell, Ph.D. at 1452 26th Street, Suite 103 Santa Monica, CA 90404, by phone (310) 829-1438, via e-mail marlourussell@hotmail.com, or visit http://www.marlourussellphd.com

For local listings, regional seminars, and many other adoption events, visit Events.Adoption.com.

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