1. Announcements

Adoption History
Have you written about an event in adoption history? Orphan Trains, the Babylift, Operation Pedro Pan, KinderTransport are just a few events that make up the vast body of historical reference surrounding adoption. If you've written a study, a thesis, a commentary, or a personal account, please consider contributing it to Adoption.com for inclusion in The Great Adoption Timeline, a project that will be made up of individually researched pieces covering a specific event, individual, or place that had a particular significance at a certain time in history. Send all contributions to editor@adoptionweek.com.

To New Hampshire And New York Adoptees
On Thursday, March 11, 2004, SB 335 passed the New Hampshire Senate by a 12-11 vote. Two unacceptable amendments were voted down and it passed in its original form. SB 335 will give New Hampshire adopted adults the right to obtain their original birth certificates. A House hearing is scheduled for Tuesday, April 6. For New Hampshire, contact Paul Schibbelhute, AAC Regional Director, email: pschibbe@aol.com. In New York, two bills have been introduced, which would give adopted adults the right to obtain their original birth certificates. They are A.6238-A and S.2631-A. For New York, contact Fred Greenman, AAC Representative, email: ffgreenman@aol.com.

Seeking Names Of CEOs Touched By Adoption
Adoption.com is seeking and collecting information with regards to CEOs of major corporations who are in some way touched by adoption, e.g. late Dave Thomas of Wendy's. If you happen to know of a CEO that would meet this description, please contact pr@adoptionmedia.com.

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2. Highlighted Articles

The views expressed by the authors are solely their own, and for which the authors are responsible. These views do not necessarily represent the views of Adoption Week e-Magazine.

What Birth Fathers Don't Know Hurts Everyone - new article contributed by Erik L. Smith
During the months that followed, I envisioned receiving a letter stating I had been named as the father of a child relinquished for adoption, that the adoption agency wanted my input about the type of couple I would like my child to be placed with, and perhaps my release of relevant medical information. It never happened. By the due date for the birth, the mother had not called me for a month. When three more weeks went by without word, I feared abortion or baby-selling. When another week went by and I could not locate the birthmother, I knew something was amiss. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=438

Found - new article contributed by Barbara M.
Can you imagine my shock and surprise when my mother contacted me and said my daughter was finally looking for me? I was totally thrilled to know I would be reunited with my long-lost daughter. My husband and I had been searching in vain for her for the past 5 years. It turned out that her name I had given her at her birth had been changed when she was, indeed, adopted at age four. She was never "retarded" and is now a healthy, happy, mature young woman. She even has a 16-year-old daughter of her own. The adoption worker wouldn't tell me anything about my daughter except that she no longer lived on the East coast, but was somewhere in the Midwest or west. She wouldn't tell me anything about her except her height, weight and that she had a daughter. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=439

Critiquing Custody and Access Assessments - new article by Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
One of the challenges that faces people going through a divorce is settling a parenting plan. When parents cannot agree, their lawyers may suggest a custody and access assessment. The goal of an assessment is to provide unbiased recommendations to the courts. Courts rely heavily on independent assessments to determine custody and access outcomes. Courts also rely heavily on the stated preference of children older than 12-years-of-age. This is reflected in the research of Kunin, Ebbesen, and Konecni1 who found that only two factors directly affect judges; child preference and the recommendations of the evaluator. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=440

Infertility and Adoption - new article by Marilyn Regier Ph.D., LCSW-C
Since society does not require parental-suitability assessments for biological parenting, prospective adoptive parents sometimes feel that they have to prove themselves in a way that biological parents do not. While accepting this difference in the two routes to parenthood, some nonetheless become defensive and fearful of revealing important issues which could be addressed effectively in the homestudy. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=441

Read these articles at http://Magazine.Adoption.com, and submit your adoption-related articles to editor@adoptionweek.com for publication in Adoption Week e-Magazine and Adoption.com.

By submitting content, you represent that you have the rights to this content and that you give Adoption.com and Adoption Week the right to reprint this content on the Internet, via e-mail, and in print form.

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3. Adoption News

In the news last week, there were several interesting topics that made the headlines: a mother sold her baby twice, a once-infertile couple has a pair of identical twins, an adoptee struggles to find truth (LA), men's biological clocks are ticking as well. To read these articles and several other headlines, visit News.Adoption.com/.

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4. Adoption Law & Policy News

March 17, 2004

Weekly News Summary

Foster/Adoption Systems

NATION: “State Foster Care Reform Efforts Face Federal Financing 'Straightjacket,' New Report by Fostering Results Shows”
“Fostering Results”, a non-partisan project to raise awareness of issues in foster care nationwide, issued a new report, “The Foster Care Straight Jacket: Innovation, Federal Financing & Accountability in State Foster Care Reform.” The report highlights the restrictions placed on states with respect to their use of federal money allocated specifically to foster care. Unless a state applies for and receives a ‘waiver’ from the federal Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), funds earmarked for foster care can not be dedicated to services alone. According to Jess McDonald, Co-Director of “Fostering Results,” states using waivers have seen results which indicate that increased spending flexibility might help limit foster care stays. The report features Illinois’, Delaware’s, and Connecticut’s dedication of federal waiver funds towards services and the corresponding reduction of time spent in foster care in those states. The waiver program will expire in late March unless there is a passage of a congressional resolution to extend the program.
Businesswire, Thursday, March 11, 2004
http://home.businesswire.com/portal/site/google/index.jsp?
NCALP is proud to be a partner with the Ohio Public Children’s Service Agency Organization in “Fostering Results,” the Pew Commission on Children in Foster Care’s initiative for foster care reform.

OHIO: “Foster Funding Put to New Use” - by John Higgins
This week, the federal government extended a waiver program for Ohio which 14 counties in the state are using to support in-home services. Through the program, counties use a different payment scheme from the one imposed by the federal department of Health and Human Services. The waiver program allows the counties to receive a lump sum which can be dedicated to services to keep kids out of foster care if it is not spent on foster care itself. The standard program pays counties on a reimbursement basis, which, according to child welfare advocates, serves as a financial disincentive for counties to remove children from care. As a result of the waiver program use in Stark County, $500,000 was dedicated towards in-home services that would have been otherwise unavailable.
The Akron Journal, Friday, March 12, 2004
http://www.ohio.com/mld/ohio/news/8167731.htm

TENNESSEE: “DCS Streamlines Adoption Process" - by Judith R. Tackett
The Department of Children’s Services will address the length of time children wait to be adopted while in state through a procedural change in planning and recruitment. The department’s approach will involve a unified program, rather than the separate foster placement and adoption placement programs currently in place. Department representatives spotlight the new concept for family recruitment and training called “resource families” in place of the foster/adopt concept. The nine-month minimum wait between a child’s removal and the possibility of adoption will remain a part of the state’s adoption procedure.
Nashville City Paper, Tuesday, March 9, 2004T
http://www.nashvillecitypaper.com/index.cfm?section_id=9&screen=news&news_id=31322

Adoption/Privacy of Records and Procedures

CANADA: “N.S. Man Takes Adoption Records Case Back to UN” - by Murray Brewster
The Canadian province of Nova Scotia refuses to unseal records for adopted people seeking to find birth parents, notwithstanding criticisms leveled last fall by the UN Committee on the Rights of a Child. Nova Scotian Ron Murdock met with the head of the Committee Jaap Doek in February and exchanged correspondence with Nova Scotia’s Premier John Hamm on the topic. Other Canadian provinces restrict access to adoption records, including New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island, Ontario, Manitoba, and Quebec. Legislation in Nova Scotia was withdrawn in 1999 due to controversy, leaving change through legislation unlikely. Some suggest that the options available adopted people seeking to unseal records are either a class action lawsuit or federal intervention.
CNews, Sunday, March 7, 2004
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Canada/2004/03/07/374037-cp.html

Weekly Case Summary

Significant Cases

Federal Law/Constitutional Issues
Foster Caregiver Liability

MAINE: Marr v. Schofield
The U.S. District Court for Maine denied a biological mother’s §1983 civil rights claim against a foster mother in a case where the foster mother had been previously convicted of manslaughter for the death of the child placed in her home. The court dismissed the biological mother’s civil rights claims, finding that the foster mother was not a State actor who contributed to any deprivation of the biological mother’s rights. Since the biological mother did not sufficiently prove that the State was a joint participant in any abuse of the child while the child was placed with the foster mother or that the foster mother’s conduct was entwined with the State under the available tests to find State action, the court denied the biological mother’s motion for partial summary judgment, granted the foster mother’s motion for partial summary judgment and dismissed the state law tort claims without prejudice.
Cite: No. 01-224-BC, 2004 U.S. Dist. LEXIS 3216 (Mar. 2, 2004)
http://www.med.uscourts.gov/site/opinions/carter/2004/gc_03022004_1-01cv224_marr_v_schofield.pdf

Adoption Consent Requirements

MASSACHUSETTS: In re Saul
A Massachusetts Court of Appeals affirmed a juvenile court’s decree dispensing with biological parents’ (who were both found to be mentally ill) consent to the adoption of their child. The appellate court rejected the mother’s claim that diagnosis as to her mental illness should not have been admitted into evidence as it should have been subject to the psychotherapist-patient privilege. The appellate court found where the diagnostic term does not reveal or convey the content of the privileged communications, it is not protected from disclosure by the privilege, and therefore no error was committed in admitting the mother’s psychiatric records. The appellate court concluded that even if there had been an error with respect to the admission of the so-called privileged discussions, there was ample evidence apart from the challenged communications to find that the biological mother was unfit. The appellate court also concluded that there was no error in the judge’s denial of the father’s request for post adoption visitation where the father was mentally ill, had never lived with the child and had limited visitation with the child.
Cite: No. 03-P-269, 2004 Mass. App. LEXIS 238 (Mass. Ct. App. Mar. 3, 2004).
Web link: http://www.malawyersweekly.com/signup/gtwFulltext.cfm?page=ma/opin/coa/1103604.htm

Other Cases of Interest

Termination of Parental Rights/Appeals of Orders of Termination

INDIANA: Peterson v. Marion Cty. Office of Family & Children
The Indiana Court of Appeals affirmed the trial court’s order terminating the mother’s parental rights, finding the trial court’s determination was not clearly erroneous where the mother’s evidence of “changed circumstances” was only her testimony and that of her new husband with no documentation to support her allegations. the mother alleged that her changed circumstances included her recent marriage, residence in a two-bedroom apartment, weekly visits with a counselor, biweekly visits with a therapist, compliance with her medication, participation in a parenting program, attendance at drug and alcohol counseling meetings, and enrollment in classes to be a social worker. The appellate court also concluded that on appeal it could not reweigh the evidence or judge the credibility of witnesses.
Cite: No. 49A02-0306-JV-461, 2004 Ind. App. LEXIS 331 (Ind. Ct. App. Mar. 4, 2004)
Web link: http://www.state.in.us/judiciary/opinions/archive/03040407.jts.html

CALIFORNIA: In re Julian V.
The California Court of Appeals affirmed the juvenile court’s order terminating a mother’s parental rights as to two of her children, concluding that the mother failed to carry her burden of showing the existence of a significant sibling relationship the severance of which would be detrimental to the children.
Cite: No. D042433, 2004 Cal. App. Unpub. LEXIS 1867 (Cal. Ct. App. Mar. 2, 2004)
Web link: http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/opinions/nonpub/D042433.DOC

NORTH CAROLINA<: In re N.B.
A North Carolina Court of Appeals dismissed an appeal of an order terminating parental rights, concluding that a pending appeal of an adjudication of abuse and neglect is made moot by a subsequent termination of parental rights based on independent grounds.
Cite: No. COA03-688, 2004 N.C. App. LEXIS 310 (N. C. Ct. App. Mar. 2, 2004)
Web link: http://www.aoc.state.nc.us/www/public/coa/opinions/2004/030688-1.htm

OHIO: In re D.B.
An Court of Appeals of Ohio affirmed the lower court’s decision terminating a father’s parental rights finding grounds for termination existed based upon factors listed in the Ohio statute because father had (1) failed to remedy the problems that initially caused the children to be removed; (2) abandoned the children; (3) was unwilling to provide basic necessities or prevent abuse; (4) committed abuse; and (5) instilled a likelihood that recurrence would threaten the children's safety.
Cite: No. 82450, 2004 WL 253468 (Ohio Ct. App. Mar. 3, 2004)
Web link: http://www.sconet.state.oh.us/rod/documents/8/2004/2004-ohio-996.doc

MINNESOTA: In re Children of: M.E.S.O.-M
The Court of Appeals of Minnesota reversed and remanded the lower court’s termination of a father’s parental rights finding that the father substantially complied with the requirements in his case plan and the court could not terminate the father's parental rights based on a violation of the ambiguously worded court order.
Cite: No. A03-178, 2004 WL 384137 (Minn. App. March 2, 2004)
Web link: http://www.lawlibrary.state.mn.us/archive/ctapun/0403/opa030178-0302.htm

Foster Caregiver Rights

OHIO: In re G.R.
An Ohio Court of Appeals reversed and remanded the lower court’s denial of a motion to vacate permanent custody and grant legal custody to the foster parents, concluding the trial court was required to consider all the evidence concerning the child’s custodial placement by holding a full dispositional hearing and providing notice to the guardian ad litem.
Cite: No. 83-146, 2004 Ohio App. LEXIS 886 (Ohio Ct. App. Mar. 4, 2004)
Web link: http://www.sconet.state.oh.us/rod/documents/8/2004/2004-ohio-999.doc

Adoption Consent Requirements
Step Parent Adoption

PENNSYLVANIA: In re K.G.M. and T.J.M
The Superior Court of Pennsylvania vacated and remanded the order of the Court of Common Pleas, concluding that the trial court erred in concluding that the biological father had consented to the adoption where he had not been served properly with notice of the hearing. The court also held that there must be strict compliance with statutory procedures regarding notice of hearing to the parent whose rights may be terminated.
Cite: No. J.S04045/04, 2004 PA Super 54 (Pa. Super. Ct. Mar. 5, 2004)
Web link: http://www.superior.court.state.pa.us/opinions/S04045_04.pdf

Parties to Adoption
Rights of Biological Relatives

KANSAS: In re S.C. and C.A.
The Court of Appeals of Kansas dismissed a great-aunt’s appeal of a trial court’s ruling denying her interested party status in adoption proceedings. The appellate court concluded that it lacked jurisdiction to consider her appeal because the relevant State statutes did not consider the denial of interested party status to be an adjudication or disposition that constituted an appealable order.
Cite: No. 90-597, 2004 Kan. App. Lexis 204 (Kans. Ct. App. Mar. 5, 2004)
Web link: http://www.kscourts.org/kscases/ctapp/2004/20040305/90597.htm

Credit: National Center for Adoption Law & Policy
Link: http://www.law.capital.edu/adoption

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5. ADOPTION BOOK CLUB

Finding the Right Spot
Finding the Right Spot is a story for all kids who can't live with their parents, regardless of the circumstances. It's a story about resilience and loyalty, hope and disappointment, love, sadness, and anger, too. It's about whether life is fair, and wondering what will happen tomorrow, and talking about all of it. And finally, it's about what makes the spot you're in feel right.

For more information on this book, visit http://adoptionshop.com/cgi-bin/products/ADP31704.html.

Find 1,000+ other adoption products at adoptionshop.com.

To share your favorite adoption book with others, join the Adoption Book Club on AdoptionLists.com at http://adoptionlists.com/index.php?action=lists&listname=adoptionbookclub.

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6. Meet New Hopeful Adoptive Parents

Elton & Brenda (NC)
If we are the adoptive parents you are looking for, we will do our very best to bring our child up knowing about God and the importance of family and church. You can be assured that our child will be raised by parents that love each other very much. To view Elton and Brenda's profile, visit http://www.parentprofiles.com/profiles/db10909.html.

Tom & Diane (IN)
We recognize the weight of the decision and the sacrifice that you are considering. As a family, we pray that God will give you peace and confidence regardless of the path you choose. With this in mind, we are also enthusiastic about the possibility of being blessed with the gift of a child. To view Tom and Diane's profile, visit http://www.parentprofiles.com/profiles/db8138.html.

Pat & Christine (NY)
Somos muy emocionados sobre nuestra segunda adopción. Four years ago we joyfully adopted our daughter Melissa. We celebrate her Hispanic heritage in many ways - she loves it when we sing in Spanish. We can’t wait to do this with our next child, too. To view Pat and Christine's profile, visit http://www.parentprofiles.com/profiles/db10356.html.

Scott & Kathy (CA)
We’ve been waiting a long time and just can’t wait to adopt! We have a wonderful home environment and we can't wait to share it with a little one whom we will love and cherish! To view Scott and Kathy's profile, visit http://www.parentprofiles.com/profiles/db8674.html.

John & Lisa (PA)
Hello. We are Lisa and John. We adopted a baby from The Gladney Center two years ago and are very excited as we continue to build our family through adoption. We have a tremendous amount of love to share. To view John and Lisa's profile, visit http://www.parentprofiles.com/profiles/db8551.html.

Are you pregnant? Visit ParentProfiles.com (a service of Adoption Profiles, LLC) to find the right adoptive parents for your baby.

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7. Featured Waiting Child

Marcus is quiet, and gets along with other children and his sister. He likes to play sports such as football, soccer and basketball. Brandy likes to listen to music. She does fine in school and attends some special educations classes. Brandy gets along well with others. Brandy and Marcus wish to be adopted together. They need a family willing to provide them with stability, love and support as well as boundaries and limits.

Photolisting.Adoption.com is a free community service of Adoption.com featuring more than 1,700 children awaiting loving, permanent homes. Add your agency's waiting children to the most popular adoption website, and help them find loving homes faster. E-mail exchange@adoptablekids.com for info.

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8. Adoption Gem

9. Adoption Buzz

Reunions: - Reunited !!!!!
http://forums.adoption.com/t139600.html

Adoptees Talk to Birthmothers: - I Don't Want to Meet My Birth Mother
http://forums.adoption.com/t139234.html

Birthparents After Adoption: - Reunited w/ Bchild and Found Out Life Not as You'd Hoped?
http://forums.adoption.com/t136590.html

Sealed Records: - Birth Mothers Have Too Many Rights?
http://forums.adoption.com/t134804,15,1.html

Infertility: - Adoption vs. Donor Egg?
http://forums.adoption.com/t139763.html

If any of the links above do not work, visit Adoption.com for direct links to these discussions.

For more online adoption discussions, visit Forums.Adoption.com.

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10. Adoption Site Spotlight

This week, our adoption spotlight is shining on: http://www.AdoptionSearch.com.

The Adoption Search Engine is your portal for online adoption content. With over 400,000 pages of content, AdoptionSearch provides the best way to find the adoption-related content you need. Choose a category and perform a search on the associated website or alternatively, browse the list of common search phrases. Visit http://www.AdoptionSearch.com to begin your search

For a list of our favorite adoption websites, visit Adoptions.Adoption.com.

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11. Adoption Destination

InternationalAdoption.org is the Internet's authoritative destination for international adoption. You will find fact sheets, adoption information, travel information, culture and heritage, maps, weather, books, currency exchange rates, periodicals, news and much more for dozens of different countries with active international adoption programs.

This week, the country of focus is Hong Kong.

Under Hong Kong law, children between six months and 18 years of age can be adopted. Hong Kong Social Welfare Department (SWD) statistics on adoptions indicate that the Social Welfare Department handled foreign 246 adoption applications in 2000/2001. Same statistics also reflect that most children available for adoption are five years old and below, and some of them have health problems or are disabled.

To learn more about Hong Kong's government, geography, and communication information, or its history, visit http://Hong-Kong.Adoption.com/.

Read a Hong Kong adoption-related article at http://library.adoption.com/Hong-Kong/International-Adoption-Hong-Kong/article/1371/1.html.

To chat with parents who have adopted or are considering adopting from Hong Kong, visit http://forums.adoption.com/f169.html.

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12. Just For The Fun Of It

Pleading For A Pet

A 4-year-old boy I know was constantly begging his mother to let him get a cat. After seeing a litter of kittens being given away, of course he began pleading with his mom again.

So she decided she would explain to him about his father's allergy to cats, and that being the main reason they could not have one.

So she simply said, "My dear, the reason we cannot have a cat is because daddy's allergic to them."

A look of shock poured over his little face, and he said, "You mean daddy eats cats?"

Contributed by: Smith W.

E-mail your humorous story or joke to editor@adoptionweek.com.

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13. Featured Adoption Professional

Sunny Ridge Family Center
Wheaton, IL
Toll Free: (800) Baby-mom
Phone: (630) 668-5117
tjackson@sunnyridge.org

Sunny Ridge is a COA accredited agency offering birth parents counseling, domestic and international adoptions, post adoption counseling. Our domestic program places Caucasian, African American and bi-racial infants. Our intercountry program has placed children from 46 counties. Licensed in Illinois and Indiana.

Services: • Adoption Agencies • Counselors & Therapists • Home Studies • International Adoption
Countries: • China • Poland • Russia • Ukraine

For more information on Sunny Ridge Family Center, visit http://www.sunnyridge.org/adoptiondotcom.htm.

Find adoption agencies, attorneys and other adoption professionals at Directory.Adoption.com.

To see your ad here, visit http://directory.adoption.com/upgrade.php.

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14. Adoptionshop.com Pick

Lunch/Dinner 9" Paper Plates (pkg 8) - Only $2.95
9" sturdy, smoothwall paper plates -- eight to a package. Used for lunch or dinner. All plates have the phrase "Celebrate Adoption" inscribed in several different languages on the edges.

For more information and ordering instructions, visit http://adoptionshop.com/cgi-bin/products/APS00002.html.

For more adoption products, visit adoptionshop.com.


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15. Counsel From An Adoptee And A Birth Mother

This section is not intended for search advice. It is meant to be an advice column for people with questions concerning their feelings, interested in the opinion of someone who can relate. The views expressed by this author is solely his own, and for which the author is responsible. The content within this column is not to be considered as professional medical, legal or behavioral health information to be used in diagnosis, treatment or actions that would require the consultation and/or services of a licensed, certified or accredited professional. These views do not necessarily represent the views of Adoption Week e-Magazine.

Question:

I am the birth father of two children adopted at birth in the late 1960's. The birth mother was the same for both children born about two years apart. I have no contact with the birth mother. My question: is there a place where birth parents can make their whereabouts known to adoptees that are looking for their birth parents? I don't feel its right for me to go looking and possibly disrupt someone's life. Both adoptions took place in Oregon. Thank you for any help you can offer. - Judd

Jan's Response: Judd, There are many websites and registries to post your information. Check out Reunite.com; it has many registries you can try. People considering searching often express the concern that they do not want to disrupt someone else's life. However, I have yet to hear from one person who was "found" (myself included) who wishes they had not been found. No doubt there are a few, but I believe it is rare. Reconnecting with family is a dramatic experience, and it does disrupt your life - there is no way to avoid that. Living your life with unanswered questions, missing pieces, unresolved issues and longing for lost relatives is not healthy either though. Even if our lives are disrupted temporarily by being found, the positive long term effects of having the opportunity to reconnect seems worth any initial pain or discomfort. Your children may be worried about disrupting your life too and may not search because they have the same fear you do. It is also possible they are searching and want very much to locate you. You will never know though until you find them. Jan

DB's Response: To be honest, I typically do not answer questions in reference to searches. At least, not on "how" to search. I do not pretend to be an expert and there are different laws ®ulations for every state. I would recommend searching the Internet by specifying which state you are looking for information in (i.e., "adoption registries in Oregon", etc.). I do think it is great that you are searching. As Jan and I almost always tell people, you need to be careful once you find them. How you approach them is important. Letters are always a good way to start. They allow you to read and re-read what you are saying/telling them. In addition, it is not as intrusive as just showing up on someone's doorstep or calling them directly. It allows them time to absorb the information. I wish you luck. DB

Question:

Hello, I was wondering if you could give me some advice about my adoption. My adoptive parents will not give me any information about my adoption, but I am 23 years old, and I am trying to figure out if I can get some information to get started. I don't know anything other than where I was born, and I think I have my original last name, or at least the last name of my birth grandmother. I was adopted in San Jose, or L.A. in California. It was an open adoption, and I was 3 1/2. It was about 1984 or so, I think. I was wondering if you might be able to point me in the right direction. I would really appreciate it. - DF

DB's Response: DF: Since the adoption was open, you may want to check with the agency, if you know which one. There may be a court order to keep the records open. If not, I would recommend sitting down with your adoptive parents and explaining the need a lot of (most that I know) adopted people have to find their roots. It is natural, and it does more harm than good to you. I would start by explaining to them that they are your parents. You are who you are because of them, not your birth family. I hope that this will help open their eyes some. I wish I could help you more in the way of pointing you in a more specific direction, but I think it is very important that you have a long, serious talk with you adoptive family. Maybe explain your position and get the help from another family member (aunt, uncle, etc). DB

Jan's Response: DF, Your info sounds really familiar to me - I wonder if you e-mailed me previously. I agree with DB that it makes the most sense to try to talk to your adoptive parents about your adoption. They can make your search so much easier. His idea of trying to find out info from another family member is also a good one. It is important to reassure your parents that they are, and always will be, your parents. Any relationship you may subsequently develop with birth family will not diminish the established bond with your adoptive family; it may strengthen it. However, while I feel that your adoptive parents deserve the credit for raising you; you are the person you have become due to both your adoptive and birth families. Genetics and environment both play huge roles in who we are, and I think it is important that both be acknowledged. If you want to e-mail me, I will do what I can to head you in the right direction as to your search. Jan

Bios:

The author is a 21-year-old adoptee who wants to help those affiliated with the adoption community. Although the author does not have a medical degree, etc., he is simply extending a listening ear and the perspective of a young adult who is involved in the adoption triad.

The co-author, Jan, is a reunited mother of a 34-year-old son who was relinquished at birth. She also has a daughter and a son whom she raised and is a proud grandmother of three. Jan has no counseling credentials or training, but offers her opinions based on her role as an active member of the adoption community.

Their opinions are not necessarily those of Adoption.com and are provided voluntarily on a weekly basis.

To submit your questions to DB, e-mail adoptionquestions2003@yahoo.com

To submit your questions to Jan, e-mail janb91024@yahoo.com

In order for your questions/comments to be answered in the next week's issue, questions need to be submitted before 12 noon each Wednesday.

In addition, please remember to keep your questions appropriate for Adoption Week e-Magazine; otherwise, they will not be answered or included in the next week's edition.

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16. Speak Out

This is very difficult to write but...only two weeks after my letter appeared in SPEAK OUT I was sent information by a reader. That information led me to the adoptive father of my daughter. He and his wife had been searching for me for years and so had my daughter. However, she was killed in an auto accident in 1996. I want to thank this e-mag and those who helped me to connect. Of course I am heartbroken to find her too late. You just don't expect a child to proceed you in death. I am now learning all about her life and who she was. To all those searching, I can only pray for your quick success and that you won't be too late. My prayers are with you all. - D.P.

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The search for one's family is a difficult task emotionally, physically, and financially. We know this by the countless "speak out" letters featured. Thank you so much for providing a blank tablet on which we are able to express our hopes, fears, etc... (Never give up your search!) - Lisa E. White, Birth Mom November 1984, Misercordia Hospital, Bronx, New York

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Hello: I am a African American adoptive parent of 2 black children who were adopted at the ages of three and six, and I am in the process of writing a book regarding white parents that adopt black children. I know that a lot of African American people are against this type of adoption. God has placed an assignment on me to educate these families so that they can succeed with these children. I truly belive these parents want to help their children, but there is no one out there to help. I am involved in a support group of all white parents, and I am the only black parent. They truly are very eager to learn about anything that can help their children. In the book, I want to educate families on racism, hair care, soul food recipes, black family traditions, and black history, just to name a few things. I would truly appreciate any feedback from any parents for adult black adoptees who were raised by white parents. I can be reached at fromoore2u@hotmail.com. Thank you, and God bless!

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I just wanted to comment on a letter from a "Beth" who said that until someone finds their birth mom they will not find peace because they don't "look or act like anyone in their family" That's not true in some cases. I think that it's different for everyone. People mourn and deal with things in different ways. I think to say you should "not be grateful", for being adopted, is very selfish as well. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my birth mother, and I do thank her. I thank her for giving me life. Abortion is a very real thing and very sad, but your birth mom decided not only to give you life, but to give you the best she could. I cannot imagine carrying a child for 9 months and loving this little gift and then having enough strength to give your child a better, maybe even safer life, even if it means you may never see (him/her) again. To me, it is a very selfless and loving act. I love my adoptive parents, and I act like them, too (lol), especially as I get older. To me, they are my world, but I will forever have a little space in my heart for my birth mom, but not a wall. Hugs, Shawnie Freebairn (jesussaves2003@msn.com)

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I am the adoptive mother of 5 wonderful children (all of whom I fostered first). I live in Michigan and had received word that my oldest children (7 year old twins) have a 7 month old birth brother. The boys' birth parents (still residents of Michigan) were "passing through" Ohio when the baby was born. Ohio took this infant into care at birth - not even being aware that the parents have "lost" 5 other children in Michigan. I have been trying to get information about this chide for 5 months now. I have finally found his foster care worker and foster parents. I am interested in adopting this baby; his foster parents (although they love him) are not interested in adopting him - and never have been. Ohio is saying that the only way to "move" him is for us to apply for an interstate adoption home study and just wait. Meanwhile, he is becoming more and more bonded to his current foster family. Both his current foster family and I feel that it would be in his best interest to move him now. I have heard of "borrowed foster care beds" and "transferring" of foster care cases, but everyone that we talk to in Ohio and Michigan say that he may be 2 before we ever get to meet him! Does anyone know of any way to expedite things, or has anyone had a similar experience? - R.T.

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I just wanted to comment on Beth's statement: "You never mesh with the new family. You always feel different. You don't look like anyone, and you don't even have personality traits of your adopted parents". That is so untrue in my case. I looked somewhat like my adoptive parents, and personality wise, I am a perfect mix between my adoptive mother and father. I've met my birth mother. She is a wonderful person, but as far as likeness, the way we look alike is the only thing I've found in common with her. I just wanted to speak out, because she seemed like she was speaking of all adoptees.
- Jennifer

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I want to begin searching for my birth mother. I have no idea how to begin this process, and I am also scared of rejection. I was raised by the best family anyone could ever ask for, and before my mother passed away, she and I spoke of finding my birth parents. She was very encouraging on the subject, and now I feel I am ready to move forward in this process. I have the name of the agency I was adopted from, but that is all I have to go on. I am looking for any tips and/or advice I can get. Thank you. - T.T.

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I've been following a bit of the recent stories about drug exposed babies and the long term effects. My husband and I will probably be adopting a baby that was exposed to drugs at birth, and although we are preparing ourselves for the worst, I wanted to know if anyone has raised such a child that showed little or no effects from the prenatal drug use. Thanks, and best wishes. - from_julie@yahoo.com

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To Speak Out and share your opinion or a comment, or to respond to a message, e-mail editor@adoptionweek.com

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17. Adoption Poetry

18. Adoption Calendar

Chat Schedule:

Sunday:
Reunion Support Group Chat with Loretta in the Search and Reunion room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern

Monday:
Join Dr. Art Becker-Weidman in the hosted chat room at 2 pm Pacific, 3 pm Mountain, 4 pm Central, 5 pm Eastern and ask him questions on attachment therapy and treating children with trauma-attachment disorders.

Adoptee Chat with Thea in the hosted chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern. Thea is a caring adoptee that has recently reunited with her birth mother.

Tuesday:
Birth mom chat with Angelwings. Angel is a birthmom and adoptee. Her chat is held in the BirthMother.chat room at 4 pm Pacific, 5 pm Mountain, 6 pm Central, 7 pm Eastern

Birth father's General Support Chat in the hosted chat room with adoptee and birth father, Terry. All are invited at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm central, 9 pm Eastern

Wednesday:
Pre- and adoptive parent chat with JJ and friends - Help as you begin the adoption process. Hosted in Adoptive Parents chat room at 5 pm Pacific, 6 pm Mountain, 7 pm Central, 8 pm Eastern.

Parenting issues for adoptive/foster parents with Dimasmom in FosterCare chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern.

Thursday:
Evening with Colleen Buckner, search expert, in Search and Reunion chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern.

Friday:
If you are having a "limbo" type experience with your reunion, come and talk it over with those who've "been there-done that" themselves. Join co-hosting birth mothers, April and Judy, in the Search and Reunion room on Fridays: 5 pm Pacific, 6 pm Mountain, 7 pm Central, 8 pm Eastern.

Saturday:
Older child adoption/foster care behavioral issues with Jerry in FosterCare chat room at 6 pm Pacific, 7 pm Mountain, 8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern.

For a listing of times and descriptions and to attend scheduled chats, or join the live chat, visit Forums.Adoption.com/Chat.

Adoption Events:

Sexual Abuse Workshop
March 23 (6:00 pm - 9:00 pm)
Parmadale, 6753 State Rd., (Cottage 3) Parma, Ohio
Adoption Network Cleveland
Presenter: Arleta James
RSVP: Free Workshop. Foster parent training certificates and social work/counselor CEU¹s provided. Registration is required, please call (216) 881-7511. Registration closes 3 days prior to workshop.

International Adoption Support Meeting
March 24 (7:00 pm - 8:30 pm)
Euclid Public Library, Erie Room, 631 E. 222nd. St., Euclid, Ohio
Adoption Network Cleveland
Who can attend: Adult adoptees, birth parents, siblings, adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents, professionals and anyone who is interested in lifelong adoption issues. No registration or membership is required to attend. For more information, call (216) 881-7511 or visit http:www.AdoptionNetwork.org.

International Adoption Seminar: One Day Seminar
March 27 (9:30 am - 3:30 pm)
Heritage United Methodist Church, 12850 Quivira Road, Overland Park, KS
Dillon International, Inc.
International adoption can be a wonderful experience. Meet adoptive families, their children, and staff members of Dillon International, Inc. The cost is $60.00 for a married couple and $50.00 for a single adult applicant. The fee covers lunch and seminar materials. Facilities do not provide for childcare. To register, call (918) 749-4600 or e-mail bev@dillonadopt.com.

Adoption Workshop
March 30 - May 18 (7:00 pm - 9:00 pm on eight Tuesday evenings)
San Jose, CA
Adoption Paths (co-sponsored by Resolve of Northern CA)
Through an intensive adoption workshop for prospective adoptive parents, explore your questions about the decision to adopt, the various ways of adopting, and adoptive parenting. For more information, call (831) 476-7252 or visit http://www.adoptionpaths.com/educational_workshops.htm.

LAke County General Meeting
March 30 (7:30 pm - 9:30 pm)
Deepwood North Apartments, Rental Office/Community Room, 8100 Deepwood Blvd. (off Rt. 84) Mentor, Ohio; follow signs to rental office
Adoption Network Cleveland
Who can attend: Adult adoptees, birth parents, siblings, adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents, professionals and anyone who is interested in lifelong adoption issues. No registration or membership is required to attend. For more information, call (216) 881-7511 or visit http://www.AdoptionNetwork.org.

2004 National Adoption Conference
April 1 - April 2
Washington Terrace Hotel, Washington, DC
National Council For Adoption (NCFA)
The event will bring together adoption professionals, child welfare advocates, and policymakers to discuss and learn about important domestic and intercountry adoption issues. Contact Kelsey Larus at (703) 299-6633, or visit NCFA's website at http://www.AdoptionCouncil.org for more information and to register.

For local listings, regional seminars, and many other adoption events, visit Events.Adoption.com.

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Call For Content
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